Families can be a safe haven or a trap. If you are finding it difficult to manage issues that arise in your family, have a look at the Families Issues Toolkit. Here you will find useful tips to manage a whole range of issues, and these tips are divided into two stages -
1, Explore - An opportunity to identify issues 2. Transform - To try out new ways of being and challenge yourself, in order to transform your life
This toolkit is a useful way to start thinking about family issues. The next step is to book a free initial assessment so we can discuss how we might work together
Karpman’s drama triangle (Transactional Analysis)
A concept from Transactional Analysis is Karpman’s drama triangle: In social situations we can sometimes adopt one of the following roles: Persecutor (arguably the 'bully'), Victim or Rescuer. If one person in your family is leaning in one direction (for example, they are becoming a Victim), that can often make others appear as if they are adopting one of the other roles (they are becoming the Persecutor or the Rescuer). As a result, people perceive each other in terms of these contrasting roles, without recognising that we have elements of each in all of us. I have also explored Karpman's drama triangle in the context of work issues. The Work Issues Toolkit can be found here
Have a look at the next document (under Transform, below) to see how you might challenge these labels
Have members of your family adopted one of these roles? If so, gently challenge this. just because someone views himself as a Victim, does not automatically make you the Persecutor.
In the grip of group dynamics
Every time a group is formed, group dynamics are being played out. Someone might become a scapegoat, or you might end up feeling resentful because you feel compelled to take the lead in the group. On one end of the scale, a lack of awareness about group dynamics might lead to your feelings or needs remaining unheard. At the more extreme end of the scale, this group dysfunctional group dynamics could lead to persecution of the more vulnerable members of the group.
If you are struggling with something, please do get in touch. Whether you find these toolkits useful or not, it is important that you get the opportunity to explore your experiences with a trained professional. I will give you time to make sense of your experiences, and together we can achieve a sustainable change
Chris Warren-Dickins PDip MA. Counsellor in Southfields, Wandsworth, SW18