Acceptance? Or Change?

Life is a balancing act between acceptance of the status quo and trying to achieve change.  Depending on your personality, you may lean more towards one rather than the other.  For example - 

• If you like to remain active, and you have a tendency to become impatient, you may jump quickly to change things.  This might have helped to project you through a successful career, but has this energetic tendency cost you anything?  Has your impatience alienated loved ones, or perhaps made your children feel stressed?
• On the other hand, if you have a calmer personality, you may not act when you need to.  Have you found yourself stuck in an unfulfilling career, or unable to leave an unhealthy relationship?  This may be enough for you, you may be willing to settle for second best, but what sort of example are you setting your children?

Find out how you can strike a healthy balance between acceptance of the status quo, and achieving the change you need.  This often involves skills from a type of therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and here are a couple of examples - 

1. Check the facts - Sometimes we act (or fail to act) without getting a clear picture of what is going on.  We may have blind spots, or we make assumptions based on gut-level emotions.  Take the time to assess whether you have all the facts to make an informed decision about whether to accept the present reality, or to achieve some sort of change.

2.  Mindfulness - Sometimes we react to old stuff.  We avoid making changes, or we act too quickly, because we are reacting to our past experiences.  The trouble with this is that we limit our potential, because we are not the same person as we were in the past.  We may have many more strengths and resources to use, so we need to focus on the present reality and assess what we need to do.  One way to do this is to practice mindfulness skills.  One includes simply describing to yourself what you are noticing in the present moment.  Use your breath to keep yourself anchored in the present, and describe each aspect of this present issue.  Notice the thoughts and emotions that come up, but do not jump to act until you have a clear picture of the present reality.

3.  Distress tolerance - We sometimes act (or avoid acting) because we are afraid of the discomfort we anticipate.  Sometimes that discomfort never materializes, and even if it does, we end up realizing that we are able to withstand it. When I work with clients, I like to use the term 'surfing the urge'; if we experience an emotion we were previously trying to avoid, we often notice that the emotion peaks but then it subsides.  When our brain experiences this, we get a visceral experience of riding that emotion, and (more importantly) an experience of surviving that emotion.  This is an important learning process, and it shows us that we are stronger than we think.

This is just a few examples of the skills you can develop, and I hope you found these useful.  If you need to find out more about striking a balance between acceptance and change, get in contact today.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC 
+1 (201) 779-6917
www.exploretransform.com