No matter how hard we try, and no matter how much distress it causes us, there will be situations we cannot change. This is where we can use Reality Acceptance Skills. This is a concept developed by Marsha Linehan, who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
The whole idea behind this is that if we have truly tried to problem-solve, and there is no way to change the situation, we will create more suffering for ourself if we refuse to accept reality: Pain + Acceptance = Pain Whereas: Pain + Non-Acceptance = Pain Compounded Acceptance means -
Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Panic attacks are terrifying and debilitating. You cannot breathe, your head spins, your limbs are buzzing with energy, and you are sweating like a pig. At the time you believe that you are going to die, but you don’t. You are sure that you have something physically wrong with you (perhaps your heart or lungs), but the doctors can find no cause for all of this.
Without any explanation for this, you start to do some of the following things -
Each time you look back and realize that this is your mind playing tricks with you, rather than a serious physical health concern. But there is hope for change. With a bit of guidance, we can help you to -
To plan for the next panic attack, here are some things to consider -
Panic attacks are scary at the time, but they do not have to rule your life. There are simple tools for you to use and regain control of your life, and if these do not help, there are treatments such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy) that can help. Either way, you do not have to continue to struggle. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com Life is a balancing act between acceptance of the status quo and trying to achieve change. Depending on your personality, you may lean more towards one rather than the other. For example -
Find out how you can strike a healthy balance between acceptance of the status quo, and achieving the change you need. This often involves skills from a type of therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and here are a couple of examples - 1. Check the facts - Sometimes we act (or fail to act) without getting a clear picture of what is going on. We may have blind spots, or we make assumptions based on gut-level emotions. Take the time to assess whether you have all the facts to make an informed decision about whether to accept the present reality, or to achieve some sort of change. 2. Mindfulness - Sometimes we react to old stuff. We avoid making changes, or we act too quickly, because we are reacting to our past experiences. The trouble with this is that we limit our potential, because we are not the same person as we were in the past. We may have many more strengths and resources to use, so we need to focus on the present reality and assess what we need to do. One way to do this is to practice mindfulness skills. One includes simply describing to yourself what you are noticing in the present moment. Use your breath to keep yourself anchored in the present, and describe each aspect of this present issue. Notice the thoughts and emotions that come up, but do not jump to act until you have a clear picture of the present reality. 3. Distress tolerance - We sometimes act (or avoid acting) because we are afraid of the discomfort we anticipate. Sometimes that discomfort never materializes, and even if it does, we end up realizing that we are able to withstand it. When I work with clients, I like to use the term 'surfing the urge'; if we experience an emotion we were previously trying to avoid, we often notice that the emotion peaks but then it subsides. When our brain experiences this, we get a visceral experience of riding that emotion, and (more importantly) an experience of surviving that emotion. This is an important learning process, and it shows us that we are stronger than we think. This is just a few examples of the skills you can develop, and I hope you found these useful. If you need to find out more about striking a balance between acceptance and change, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com Emotions help us to communicate to others, and they also motivate us. Listen to your emotions - they may tell you something important. For example -
Therapy can help you to identify your emotions, and then figure out what those emotions are trying to communicate. We can then help you to work out what to do about those emotions.
Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Six shades of emotion regulation -
Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Let's debunk these myths about emotion regulation -
The truth is that there is no right or wrong about your emotions, they just exist. It is what you do with them that dictates the right or wrong of emotions, including anger. It is important to pay attention to your emotions because they contain important information about what needs to change. But you need to balance this information with your rational mind. You don’t have to be a hostage to your emotions; they can change by learning about emotion regulation. Part of this includes an awareness that emotions (given the right conditions) peak and then subside. You don't have to become overwhelmed by them. You can change your emotions by developing skills in emotion regulation, but you only need to regulate the ones that are unhelpful. This is a useful guide to what emotions are helpful and unhelpful -
Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Stress, anxiety, anger, depression, hopelessness, despair… These are all emotions that can seem to be out of your control. When they become intense, you can end up feeling trapped and alone.
Here is one way to take control of your emotions, and it comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an approach developed by Marsha Linehan. Quite simply: If you are feeling stress or anxious or angry or depressed or hopeless or whatever other emotion, Check the Facts. How to Check the Facts
If your emotions do not fit the facts, or it is not wise to act on your emotions, you need to act opposite to your emotions. For example, if you feel intensely angry at your boss and you have chosen not to communicate this anger (because there is nothing that can change about your job), you will need to force yourself to do everything that would be the complete opposite to what your emotions are telling you to do. This could include some or all of the following -
Alternatively, when your emotions fit the facts, problem-solve instead of acting opposite. You can find out more about problem-solving here. Let me know how you get on with this. If you still need help, get in contact. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Your brain is a marvelous thing; it has many different layers and functions, and this offers us an opportunity to be flexible and creative when it comes to resolving your problems.
A useful starting point with all of this is to understand our brain in three different ways -
When you work with a therapist to resolve problems, we can help you by using one of two approaches to therapy:
Whichever the approach, we are here to help you. Get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com When I work with clients in conflict, often we need to clarify what constitutes abusive behavior. Sometimes there is a reluctance to categorize non-physical abuse as abusive, but it can be no less harmful.
To label behavior ‘abuse’ can help someone make an informed choice about what they need to do next. Often this decision-making process is informed by someone’s values and the pros and cons involved. Once someone sees that the other person’s behavior is abusive, this can often tip the balance so that someone takes steps to keep them safe. Psychologist Beverly Engel offers the following pointers to decide whether the behavior amounts to abuse -
If you need help with this, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com The jury is out about the exact definition of a Sociopath. Most would agree, however, that it is like a bad smell: You know it when it is there, and it just seems to linger. Ugh.
No matter how reasonable you try to be, how calm your tone, how much you try and accommodate this person's wishes, they are still unreasonable, obtuse, obstructive, heartless, narcissistic, and a whole list of other things. You deserve better, so here are five tips to manage the Sociopath -
Find out more about how to keep yourself safe and healthy in a world of chaos. Book online today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com |
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