Often clients come to my psychotherapy practice because of imbalance. They feel too much or too little, they throw themselves into something or neglect it altogether, and one of the most damaging forms of imbalance is their tendency to polarize their world into ‘winners’ or ‘losers.’
 
When things are going right, they are a ‘winner’, and when there are challenges, they become a ‘loser.’ This is the lens through which many people judge themselves as much as other people, and there is an implication that if you are a ‘winner, it is because of your hard work or naturally winning qualities. And if you are ‘losing’, then the myth implies that this is because you haven’t worked hard enough, or you are intrinsically defective. You can see how these myths can quickly lead to anxiety, depression, and many other mental health challenges. It is a polarizing myth as much as it is an over-simplification. Here are a few reasons why:
 
1. There is a whole range of ways to define and evaluate what constitutes a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. For example, is your physical health more or less important than material wealth? And how do you calculate that wealth? The cash in your bank account, the stocks you own, or the number of homes you own? Or is it the size, location, or how well maintained the home is? Are you ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ depending upon how many children you have, and what about the number of friends or family numbers. As you can see, it is all so arbitrary to make broad sweeping statements because each person will have their own ideas. It also depends when you ask someone, and for what period of time. The answers may differ depending if you asked them now or last year, for example, and it might differ if you ask them to answer for just this month or this year, or for the last five years, or ten years, or longer.
 
2. Partly because it is so hard to determine what a ‘winner’ or ‘loser’ really is, we can see that this world is filled with a broad spectrum of varying fortunes, strengths, challenges, and abilities. There is no such thing as a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’ but a whole range of people feeling and believing different things about themselves and others throughout their lives.
 
3. The polarizing myth of ‘winners’ and ‘losers’ fails to account for structural inequality. Many systems, including education, employment, healthcare, including mental health care, and many public policies, are tilted in favor of certain groups (mainly the power elite).
 
4. The power elite control media outlets and politicians, and as  Richard C. Schwartz explained in Internal Family Systems Therapy, they “proselytize that those who don't succeed have only themselves, or some other group that seems to be competing for resources, to blame.” We only need to flick through the news updates and latest executive orders to see how immigrants and the trans community are the latest scapegoats. All the while, we are being distracted from the harmful practices of billionaires who wish to exploit labor in exchange for fewer rights, deteriorating working and living conditions, and global contamination.
 
5. From a young age we are conditioned to view the poor and vulnerable with contempt. Either we believe they are in some way to blame for their circumstances, or we believe that this could never be us in that position, and to do this, we often view them as an ‘other’ who is inherently defective and putting and keeping them in this poor or vulnerable state. Again, we only need to look to the abusive billionaires to understand why the poor and vulnerable remain poor and vulnerable, and why the gap between the rich and the poor has never been wider.
 
6. The polarizing myth of ‘winners’ and ‘losers’ can also distort reality, making us push beyond our natural limits. With the advent of working from home, smartphones, and now AI, there has never been a higher risk of burnout. I work with many people who are struggling with an abusive boss who fails to respect boundaries and relentlessly hounds their employee for more and more output. We also see this relentless dominance when it comes to profit-hungry companies that willfully pollute the environment no matter the disastrous and long-term consequences. The implication is that if you don’t relentlessly pursue more and more, if you don’t continuously try to become a ‘winner’ no matter the cost, then you are a ‘loser’. Ironically, when I work with people in this position, they quickly realize that balance ensures longer-term, more sustainable achievement, which often helps them along their way to fulfilling their goals.
 
7.Linked to the previous point, the polarizing myth of ‘winners’ and ‘losers’ glosses over the fallacy of the belief that growth is always a good or healthy thing. As Schwartz explains, “the problem that growth can also be harmful or pathological, like the growth of cancer, is rarely addressed. Nor is the dilemma that's unlimited material growth on a finite planet can only lead to disaster.” However you define ‘winning’, there is always going to be a cost. Hence why balance is essential for your mental health. As Schwartz explains, “the process of ‘winning’ in America today goes a long way toward destroying families inside and out.” I have worked with many executives who have struggled with this cost for ‘success’; and it isn’t just an individual struggle. The United States as a whole rewards material wealth over peace and contentment within a family or friendship structure. This goes back to my first point: There is no such thing as an objective definition of a ‘winner’ or ‘loser’. Each individual needs to make their own choice about where they invest their time and energy, and each choice will carry a consequence.
 
We polarize our thinking because it offers us certainty, and our brains are hardwired to abhor uncertainty. However, that need for certainty might just cause us more problems, not least when we believe the polarizing myth of ‘winners’ and ‘losers.’ It carries the risk of anxiety, pushing us past our natural limits so we run the risk of burnout, and there is also a danger that we will slump into a depression when we (inevitably) fail to meet these unrealistic expectations.
 
When it comes to mental health, this polarization misses the point entirely. Instead of asking whether you (or anyone else) are a ‘winner’ or ‘loser’, ask yourself whether you have balance in all parts of your life. This is not a one and done question, you will need to continuously assess this for the rest of your life. But it might help guide you a little more clearly than the desire to become that mythical beast ‘the winner’.
 
I hope you have found this useful. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please add a comment below, or get in contact with me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist at Explore Transform

In a time when mental health struggles are on the rise, the ability to access psychotherapy has never been more critical — and yet, it's becoming increasingly out of reach for many.

​The Facts:

• The U.S. is facing a mental health crisis — stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout are affecting millions.
• Yet, the insurance companies refuse to take mental health seriously. They maintain ghost networks of providers, make it difficult for patients to use their benefits, and refuse to adequately reimburse providers.

Part of the Solution:
This is why Explore Transform is offering a limited number of psychotherapy appointments on a sliding scale. Use one of the following means of contacting them to learn more about this:

Book online.
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917​
Email: [email protected]

#MentalHealthMatters #AccessToCare #EndTheStigma #TherapyForAll #MentalHealthAwareness #BreakTheBarriers #MentalHealthCrisis

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or stressed—it’s a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. As a therapist based in New Jersey, I've worked with many individuals who are struggling to find balance in their busy lives. Whether you’re balancing a demanding job, raising a family, or managing personal challenges, burnout can strike when you least expect it.

Fortunately, there are effective strategies to prevent this. Let’s dive into some of the best tips for managing burnout and finding your way back to a sense of empowerment.

1. Recognize the Warning Signs Early
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It builds up over time and is often accompanied by subtle changes in mood, energy, and productivity. Common signs include:

• Chronic fatigue: Feeling drained, no matter how much rest you get.
• Irritability: You may feel easily frustrated or emotionally detached.
• Loss of motivation: Tasks that once excited you now feel overwhelming.
• Physical symptoms: Headaches, digestive issues, or unexplained aches and pains.

Recognizing these signs early can help you take proactive steps before burnout takes full hold. As a therapist, I encourage my clients to regularly check in with themselves and ask: “How am I feeling today?”

2. Set Boundaries with Work and People
One of the most significant contributors to burnout is a lack of boundaries. It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying yes to everything or letting work spill into your personal time. Whether you’re a busy professional, a parent, or a caregiver, it’s crucial to set limits to protect your time and energy.

• Work boundaries: Try setting specific work hours and stick to them. If you work from home, designate a clear workspace to help separate work from relaxation.
• Social boundaries: It’s okay to say no to social obligations or requests that drain your energy. Prioritize relationships that uplift and support you.

It may be uncomfortable at first, but learning to say no is essential for your mental health.

3. Prioritize Self-Care (But Don’t Overdo It)
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths or treating yourself to a nice dinner—it’s about maintaining a balanced lifestyle that supports your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. However, it’s important not to confuse self-care with “self-soothing” (i.e., overindulging in distractions like binge-watching TV or eating junk food).
Some self-care strategies include:

• Exercise: Regular movement, even if it’s just a walk around your neighborhood, helps release tension and boosts your mood.
• Sleep: Make sleep a priority. Quality rest is crucial for mental clarity and emotional stability.
• Mindfulness and relaxation: Practices like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can reduce stress and ground you in the present moment.

Remember, self-care should be something that refreshes you, not a checklist of to-dos.

4. Seek Social Support
Burnout can make you feel isolated, but connecting with others is one of the most powerful antidotes. As a therapist, I often encourage clients to talk to friends, family, or colleagues about what they’re experiencing. Having someone to share your feelings with can reduce the emotional load and provide new perspectives.

• Therapy: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, seeking professional support is a healthy and proactive step. Talking to a therapist can help you process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and explore deeper issues contributing to burnout.
• Peer support: Sometimes, just hearing from others who understand can be incredibly validating. If you’re in a high-stress environment like healthcare or education, support groups or peer networks can be invaluable.

5. Reevaluate Your Goals and Expectations
Sometimes burnout stems from unrealistic expectations—whether they’re self-imposed or set by others. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you should be able to juggle everything perfectly. But perfection is a myth.
Take time to reassess your goals and expectations. Are you setting yourself up for success, or are you setting the bar too high? This is a good opportunity to reflect on what truly matters to you and adjust your goals accordingly.

• Break tasks into smaller steps: Large, overwhelming tasks can feel insurmountable. Breaking them into manageable pieces makes them more achievable.
• Be kind to yourself: Perfectionism can be a major contributor to burnout. Practice self-compassion by recognizing that it’s okay to make mistakes and take breaks.

6. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude can shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. When you’re feeling burnt out, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong or what you can’t control. However, taking a moment each day to reflect on things you’re thankful for—whether big or small—can help reframe your thinking and bring a sense of perspective.
Try keeping a gratitude journal or simply take a few minutes each day to pause and appreciate the good things in your life. This practice can help you feel more grounded and present, which is essential for combating burnout.

7. Take Breaks, and Don’t Feel Guilty About Them
We live in a culture that often glorifies busyness. But taking breaks is essential for maintaining long-term productivity and mental health. It’s important to step away from your responsibilities, whether for a short walk, a weekend getaway, or even just a 10-minute break during the workday.

• Micro-breaks: Taking short breaks throughout the day to stretch, breathe, or simply pause for a moment can help prevent burnout before it starts.
• Longer breaks: Vacations or mental health days allow you to recharge fully. Don’t feel guilty for taking the time you need to rest and reset.

8. Learn to Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can fuel burnout. When you set impossible standards for yourself, you’re setting up a cycle of stress and frustration. Perfectionism often comes from a deep fear of failure, but the reality is that no one is perfect.
Start by embracing the idea that “good enough” is often just that—good enough. Practice self-compassion and allow yourself to be human. Your worth isn’t tied to your productivity or how flawlessly you perform.

9. Consider Professional Support
If burnout is affecting your day-to-day life and you feel like you can’t manage it alone, reaching out to a therapist or counselor can be one of the most helpful steps you can take. A therapist can help you unpack the deeper causes of your burnout, teach you coping strategies, and guide you toward a more balanced lifestyle.
As a therapist in New Jersey, I’ve seen firsthand how therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and gain insight into the changes you need to make.

Final Thoughts: Healing is a Process
Burnout isn’t something you can simply “fix” overnight. It’s a process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. By incorporating some of these tips into your life, you can start the journey toward healing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that you don’t have to do this alone. Help is available, so if you need to speak to me about this, you can book online, email, or telephone me. Here is how to contact me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
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