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Trauma is never just about the thoughts, the memories, what can be articulated. It impacts the whole body, the wider family, and sometimes carries ripples through society at large. In this video Mary Jo Barrett discusses the impact of trauma https://youtu.be/6Mc5eIk8J6g Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/ Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online #chriswarrendickins #ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy #counselor #mentalhealth 
There appears to be so much vitriol in the political world, reflected (and reinforced?) in the media. Am I imagining it, or does it seem worse than before? I remember my parents saying a similar thing when they were in their 40s, so perhaps it is because I am also now in my 40s that I have this view. Perhaps. But it just feels like every time I turn on the news I feel desperate that people are tearing each other apart. It is easy to forget that there are human beings beneath these caricatures who are paraded on our every screen. I hope that the politicians and the people in the media are looking after themselves, that they know at least one or two ways to practice self-care.
But perhaps even writing about self-care makes these politicians and people in the media turn off. Perhaps they glaze over at the word ‘care’ because it is seen as a weakness, and they might fall victim to an attack from their opponent. So let’s try and reframe some of the ideas about self-care so that it is seen as a competitive advantage rather than a weakness –
So if someone says self-care is silly, you can offer the following spin on ‘S-I-L-L-Y’ – Self-care Is Like Loving Yourself Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking via the link set out below Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online 
If someone is in distress, how can talking to an experienced psychotherapist help? A few years ago I was interviewed by a radio station and I answered this question. Have a listen -
https://soundcloud.com/wandsworthradio/wandsworth-tonight-210715 If it is difficult for you to listen to the interview, I have set out below a summary of how talking to a psychotherapist can help – • Someone can hear the depth of your anguish. Too often our thoughts and feelings are dismissed or reduced by unhelpful phrases such as: ‘I am sure things will work out somehow’ or ‘Look on the bright side’. If someone truly acknowledges the depth of your pain, allowing it to come into the room, sometimes that can help to lessen its potency. • It normalises things. It is not shameful, and it is more common than you think, for people to experience distress. If you talk to someone who listens to you without judgment, you can see that you are not alone, and that having these thoughts does not make you a failure. • It allows you to see that these are just thoughts. Thinking about something does not make it happen. And talking about thoughts does not mean that you are acting on them. If you talk about your thoughts, sometimes you can see that these are just thoughts, and sometimes you realise that they are as temporary as many other thoughts. • It helps you to realise what you really want. When we are in distress, thinking clearly can be really, really difficult. We might even end up saying or doing something we might otherwise regret. A therapist can help you to clarify your thoughts, and you will be given the opportunity to really question what is helpful for you. Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking via the link below Chris Warren-Dickins is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person at his downtown Ridgewood, or online 
Do you think that there might be something wrong, or that something needs to change? You might have known this for a very long time, years even, but the prospect of speaking to someone seems impossible.
To seek help is difficult. It is hard to move therapy up to the top of the priority list (if it even makes the cut), and it is harder when we believe that other people are more important than our own needs. That may be true, that may reflect your values, but you are over-simplifying things. In his book 'I Don't Want To Talk About It' Terence Real claims that "many of the men I treat would never tough out the process of therapy for their own sake. But men have been trained to be good soldiers, and many are willing to experience the pain...for the sake of their children". You were once a child. Perhaps what is troubling you has something to do with how you were raised, or what you experienced as a youngster. You can choose to carry on, try to ignore it, but you run the risk of making things worse. As Terrence Real puts it: "Do the work... Face this pain now, or pass it on to your children, just as it was passed on to you". Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking via the link set out below Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online 
Today is National PTSD Awareness Day. PTSD can involve re-experiencing a trauma (flashbacks, nightmares, etc), and this can be so vivid that the person believes they are back in the traumatic event. This can be extremely distressing, and debilitating. Someone with PTSD can also end up avoiding the places, people or objects that remind them of the trauma, and they can startle easily. Finally, PTSD can lead to distortions in the way we think, sometimes causing memory loss, or excessively negative thinking. PTSD can be terrifying, but there is hope for change. One of the treatments that is supported by research is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy). Find out more here Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://square.site/appointments/book/9DTVNB35D9HWM/chris-warren-dickins-llb-ma-lpc-ridgewood-nj Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online  In a bid to improve our lives, we often live according to rules or assumptions. For example, we might have a rule that we cannot make a mistake at work. However, we might also assume that if we make even one mistake then this means we are a failure. If we are not careful, these rules or assumptions can trap us in a prison of depression. Below are five assumptions that trap us in depression. How many do you live by, and how helpful is this for you? Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/ Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online #chriswarrendickins #ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy #counselor #mentalhealth  Social anxiety consists of a pool of fear that is ignited by the spark of each mistaken assumption: You assume that others are better than you, or you assume that you will fail at a social situation, or you assume that you have to perform perfectly in a social situation. But it does not have to be this way. Have a look at ten top tips to help you manage your social anxiety - 1. Automatic thoughts? Anxiety is fuelled by our thoughts and assumptions. We can only gain control of social anxiety if we are aware of the assumptions we make about socialising. Write them down 2. Reality test. Challenge these assumptions. are they realistic? Do you know for sure that things will work out that way? If they do, on a scale of 0-100, how bad would it really be? 3. Cost-benefit analysis. If you fear the discomfort of a social interaction, weigh up the discomfort that avoiding social interactions is costing you. If the cost of isolation outweighs the discomfort of interacting, it is worth the extra effort 4. Stay with it. When you experience the pulsating heart, the sweaty palms, and the racing thoughts, the first instinct is to run away. But try to just stay with it. You might find that the anxious feelings subside 5. Holding patterns. If you are concerned about not knowing what to say, rehearse holding patterns such as ‘I need to think about that’, or ‘I will come back to you’. And have a list of topics you can reel off in any social situation (the weather, the latest films, popular music) 6. Your opinion counts. Too often people have social anxiety because they believe they have nothing to offer. Everyone has an opinion, and yours is just as valid 7. Find a model. Do you know someone who is good in a social situation? If so, what do they do to make things work? Can you imagine modelling any of that behaviour? 8. Relaxation exercises. Have a range of relaxation exercises at your fingertips. These don’t require a yoga mat or a scented candle. You can simply draw your attention to your breathin, noticing the temperature of each breath as you breath in for a few seconds, and then breath out for a few seconds. As you breath more steadily, it is difficult for your thoughts to keep racing with the same amount of energy 9. It is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t assume that you are going to walk into every social interaction with an instantly transformed approach. It takes time to develop confidence, but each time you stay just a little bit longer, you develop that social muscle 10. Safety behaviour is not keeping you safe. Some people avoid social situations altogether, or they say nothing, or they hide behind their hands or hair. This is not keeping you safe. It is simply putting off the inevitable situation when you will have to interact with people. Why not try and let go of this behaviour, and allow yourself to develop that social muscle Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/ Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online #chriswarrendickins #ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy #counselor #mentalhealth  Self-care is essential for your wellbeing. And it can be as simple as putting your feet up. What is the number one method of self-care you practice? I am a big fan of 'kind self-talk'. If I catch myself becoming overly critical, I challenge myself, and ask whether I would be so unkind to someone else. I wouldn't, so I need to adopt a kinder self-talk. How do you look after yourself? If you are struggling to come up with some ideas, get in contact. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/ Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online #chriswarrendickins #ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy #counselor #mentalhealth  “The shame tattoo.” I heard that phrase a couple of years ago, and it has stayed with me ever since. It is such a striking way to encapsulate the concept of shame: It is the insertion of something that leaves an indelible mark deep beneath the skin. Robert* also liked to call his shame ‘the shame tattoo’. When we came to the end of our counseling sessions, he added it to the list of things he would take from our work together. He also liked the fact that a tattoo was something from the past, and it was only a mark on his skin: It was not the whole of him, and so the darkness did not define nor consume him. When Robert first came to see me his world was a place of enemies. Every encounter involved a defensive posture, with an occasional tight-lipped smile and short, non-committal statements weighed down by negativity. The strapline to social dialogue was persistently: ‘There is a trap here, so keep your guard up.’ Given his lack of faith in mankind, I was surprised he made the initial appointment with me, let alone turn up for it. But he did, and he persisted with the entire course of therapy. Often shame is at the heart of something else presented by a client: Addiction, anger, depression, anxiety. And so, with Robert, we examined his anger in the early sessions, and his disappointment, and his mistrust, and his anxiety, but there was no mention of the word ‘shame’. At times I struggle with the tipping point between taking the lead from a client (using their words and meaning), and offering my own insight. I continuously challenge myself on this, questioning whether I am bringing in stuff from the client or stuff from my own world. But part of our job can include imparting information, and so the information I imparted was that the word ‘shame’ has sometimes been used when other people have presented stuff that Robert was presenting. I offered it tentatively, and he snatched at it, stared at it, and then nodded. By saying the word ‘shame’, Robert could finally identify what had been itching beneath his skin for all these years. Finally he could make sense of that nausea he felt when he looked in the mirror. He believed that people could see the shame etched across his face because he believed that what had been done to him had defined him. And he believed that this shame made him unlovable. And that is what shame is: It is about your very being. It is about something internal, a self-belief, whereas guilt is about something external: Guilt is about something you have done (or not done). Shame often emerges in someone’s core beliefs, usually in the form of statements such as ‘I am unlovable’, or ‘I am unworthy’, or ‘There is something about me that is just not right’. Shame might make someone withdraw, whereas guilt might make someone seek forgiveness. Once we identified shame, we looked at what Robert might need. He needed to tell his story, and he needed to be believed. That was hard enough when shame was undermining his very foundation. But as he told his story, and he saw that I continued to accept him unconditionally, he began to question the belief he had held onto for so long. Perhaps, after all, there was not something rotten about his core. It is difficult to step away from a belief that you have held onto for so long, especially if others have reinforced that belief. When I work with survivors of sexual violence, often the perpetrator has reinforced a belief that the survivor is somehow unlovable, or to blame. A child’s sense of survival is inextricably tied to a caregiver (whether that is a parent, older sibling or grandparent). If that caregiver is abusive, they may shame the child into secrecy. The survivor is essentially given a choice: Accept this shame and survive, or face extinction. Inevitably they are going to choose shame. In her book ‘Narrative Approaches to Working with Adult Male Survivors’ Kim Etherington warned against ‘moving too quickly towards forgiveness’, pointing out that this can be an avoidance of anger and fear. This is especially so if the perpetrator was a caregiver. It is hard, after so many years, to accept that someone you might have loved actually abused you. When I work with survivors of abuse, we often end up turning shame on its back and seeing it for what it really is: Someone else’s shame. A client who has been abused will often believe that they were somehow to blame, or they are tarnished because of someone else’s action. In reality, they are taking on the perpetrator’s shame, and often the perpetrator has been complicit in fostering this belief. It helps protect the perpetrator: ‘If you tell anyone, they will think you are the unclean one.’ Or: ‘Keep quiet because they will never believe someone like you.’ To work through shame, that person needs to feel accepted for the whole of who they are. This is where the relationship between therapist and client is so important: If someone can feel unconditional acceptance, they can start to distance themselves from the shame. But this is not a linear process. My work with Robert came to an end, but we were both aware that the process was not necessarily linear. The pressures of everyday life can have a triggering effect, so Robert knew that he would need to continuously monitor himself and watch out for times when he may need additional support. *Names and details have been changed Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/ Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online #chriswarrendickins #ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy #counselor #mentalhealth  A few years ago, during Men's Health Week, I was interviewed by a radio station to discuss the high suicide rate amongst men. It was a troubling fact that men are more likely than women to commit suicide, and yet men are less likely than women to seek help via things like counseling. The interview took place many years after my dissertation was published (a link to this can be found below). Sadly, even today, we face a similar reality. “Women seek help — men die” (the words of Jules Angst and Celile Ernst). This is a blunt way of summarising the statistic that suicide is the single biggest cause of death in men aged 20 to 45 (in the US there are 3.53x more male suicides than female suicides). To seek help, to share the burden, implies that we are admitting defeat, and that we do not have the strength. “We are less of a man.” Instead of seeking help, the statistics suggest that men deal with distress in other ways -
In an article in the Guardian Matt Haig quoted from the book ‘White Noise’ (Don DeLillo): ‘What could be more useless than a man who couldn’t fix a dripping faucet - fundamentally useless… to the messages in his genes?” And Haig added: “What if, instead of a broken faucet it is a broken mind?” We need to normalise the concept of a man seeking help. To seek help for emotional distress is just about as normal as a man fixing a tap! Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking https://square.site/appointments/book/9DTVNB35D9HWM/chris-warren-dickins-llb-ma-lpc-ridgewood-nj Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online #chriswarrendickins #ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy #counselor #mentalhealth  |
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Due to the COVID-19 health crisis, we are only offering sessions online.
Our address is 143 E Ridgewood Ave, #1484, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Providing inclusive counseling and psychotherapy for the whole of New Jersey and Maine
Our address is 143 E Ridgewood Ave, #1484, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Providing inclusive counseling and psychotherapy for the whole of New Jersey and Maine
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