I am glad to see this article where The New York Times recognizes the importance of parental burnout. For years, I have been tackling this with my clients, and in the books I have published.

Technological growth has certainly made things worse by destroying boundaries and increasing demands on our time. This is where an experienced psychotherapist can step in to help you recognize that you are experiencing burnout, and what options you have to tackle it.
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Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
Explore Transform LLC

In this modern age of AI, we are experiencing powerlessness at a greater rate. Without a sense of power and control over your life, you can drift into hopelessness, which increases the risk of depression. Without a sense of power and control, you can feel anxious and increase the risk of panic attacks. Powerlessness can also create a vicious cycle where you believe there is no point in trying because you do not influence your life, so you retreat and try less, which leads to more and more evidence of powerlessness.
 
What better way to respond to this risk to our mental health than to tap into our nervous system? As soon as we learn about the various states of our nervous system, and how we can respond in any given moment, we can feel a sense of power and control. Polyvagal theory is an easy concept that helps you learn about your nervous system, and it teaches us that we all go up and down our nervous system “ladder” throughout the day, depending upon the cues of safety and danger. For example, We might feel distant, detached, or spaced out when we are in the shutdown dorsal vagal state, or we might feel breathless and panicky, with racing thoughts when we are in the sympathetic state of “fight, flight or freeze.” Finally, we might feel safe and calm or connected to ourselves or others when we are in the ventral vagal state.
 
Knowing which state you are in is helpful, but knowing how to respond in any given state is a huge antidote to powerlessness. For example, when I feel detached in the dorsal vagal state of shutdown, I ground myself by using all my senses. I throw a ball up and down, noticing the contact the ball makes on my skin (and even exploring the stitching on the ball), or I tune my senses into the sound of my kids laughing, or even the feel of their toys.
 
Here I have set out some free resources that can help you in any given state. There are grounding exercises, breathing exercises, and mindfulness exercises, and the more you know, the less you will feel powerless.
 
I hope you find this useful.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​Explore Transform LLC

For survivors of trauma, burnout can occur when we overly focus on something to distract ourselves from our trauma. This excessive focus can also give us a sense of power and control to counterbalance the feelings of powerlessness or helplessness that we might still experience since the trauma. This excessive focus could be on work issues, personal relationships, or even hobbies that have become more of an obsession than an enjoyable pastime.
 
For years, we have been working with survivors of trauma using EMDR and Polyvagal theory. On this page, you will find a great deal of information about Polyvagal theory and EMDR. In brief, EMDR helps to bring you to a point where you can sit with adverse experiences so that you are no longer overwhelming by them. By the end of the reprocessing, you will feel, think, and believe in your body, that the once-distressing experiences are in the past, and not in your present.

Burnout poses a serious threat to our mental and physical health. If you suspect that you are experiencing burnout, get in contact with an experienced professional.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

From a young age, you have been taught to put others first. Think of others, be a team player, don't be selfish. You've heard it all, and these not-so-subtle messages can shape your inner voice when you become a parent. You believe that you should sacrifice your own needs for the sake of your children, and if you experience the beginnings of burnout, then just ignore them and power on.
 
The reality is that mental health is about balance. Yes, it would help if you prioritized the needs of your children but unfortunately, you need to find a balance between their needs and your own. This can prevent burnout, and it can also teach them a sustainable way to live in the world. After all, if they see you neglecting your own needs, they might do this in friendship groups or later on in life, in their careers or relationships.
 
Fall is a beautiful time of year when it comes to the color of the leaves, but it can be an ugly time regarding parental burnout. In my psychotherapy practice, I hear more and more stories about the stress parents are under. Some of it is a symptom of the changing landscape. After all, we never grew up with AI and social media. But some of it is because of this selfless inner voice that we have been given by our parents. So if you are reading this, take this as permission to look for a balance between meeting the needs of your children and your own needs. Don't delay by carving out some self-care time, and regularly. You will find several free resources on this page that you can use during that self-care time. These include mindfulness, grounding, and breathing exercises.
 
If you think you might be experiencing burnout, here is a quick reminder of some of the symptoms:

You feel exhausted and restless.
You feel apathetic about the things that you used to feel energized about.
You have had trouble sleeping, or you have been sleeping too much.
You have been thinking about walking out on a job or a personal situation, even though you know this might make things worse.
You have been feeling helpless in a situation at work or home.
You have been breathless, short of breath, or dizzy.
You feel that no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to keep up with your demands.
You have been more irritable and angrier of late.
You have become cynical and unable to find any positive side to things.
You have been less able to concentrate at work or in your relationships.
 
If you have any questions about parental burnout, please reach out to me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

Thinking of all the parents who are helping their children to start the new school year. I hope you take care of yourself as much as you take care of your kids. Parental burnout is real, and it can cause lasting damage to your mental and physical health.

In this article, I explain more about the dangers of burnout. As a parent, it’s hard to prioritize our mental and physical health. However, if we don’t, we are likely to experience burnout at least once during our parenting years.

If you need to give yourself permission to assess yourself for signs of burnout, think of yourself as a healthy role model for your children: You want them to avoid burnout, so if you are vigilant for the signs, they will be too.

In another article, I mentioned the signs to look out for. Very briefly, these can include irritation, exhaustion, a lack of motivation, and a loss of interest in things in the things you once enjoyed.

If you do suspect burnout, it is of no surprise. You have likely parented through a pandemic, and technology poses its own challenges. For example, our parents never had to endure the constant social media updates, where different approaches to parenting are compared and contrasted at the speed of light.

Give yourself permission to focus on your own values, as those will guide your own unique approach to parenting. Also give yourself a chance to enjoy the quality of parenting rather than the quantity. And finally, it is important that your children feel the edge of your boundaries. That way, they will learn how to skillfully manage situations where they have to say “no,” “not right now,” or even “I can’t do that, but I can offer this.”

When it comes to mental health, I’m sure your kids will be fine. After all, they are benefiting from a wealth of research from neuroscientists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. But what about you? Now is the time to reverse the learning process and look our for ways that you can look after your mental health, as, I am sure, they are already about learning about at school.

If you need to talk to a professional about burnout, you can book a free initial telephone call via this link. Alternatively, you can reach out via the following details:
Telephone: (201) 779-6917
Email: [email protected]

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist at Explore Transform 
Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com