Assertiveness is not aggression. It’s about knowing that your feelings and needs matter. It’s also about expressing those feelings and needs, and listening to others. 
 
As a therapist in Northern New Jersey, I see so many clients struggle with assertiveness. They either struggle to speak up, compromising on everything and ending up frustrated or feeling hopeless. Or they are overbearing and they run the risk of losing valuable relationships or business ventures.
 
Assertiveness is a skill that develops over time. It takes practice to find that sweet spot where you can express yourself authentically but also stay in tune with the emotional needs of others.
 
Get in contact if you would like to explore this in more detail.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

Signs you might need stronger boundaries:
 
You feel exhausted after social interactions.
You say “yes” to avoid conflict.
You take on responsibilities that aren’t yours.
You feel resentful but stay silent.
 
Sound familiar?
 
The good news is: Boundaries can be learned.
In therapy, I help clients across New Jersey recognize where their limits are. I also help people to communicate them clearly, confidently, and kindly.
 
If you’re ready to break free of burnout, if you’re ready to build more respectful, balanced relationship, then let’s talk.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

If you’ve ever felt guilty about saying “no,” you’re not alone.
 
Many of my clients here on the East Coast come into therapy feeling burnout out. It isn’t because they don’t care. It’s because they care too much, and at the expense of themselves.
 
Here’s what I help them to understand about themselves:
 
It’s okay to set boundaries without an explanation.
“No” is a full sentence.
You’re allowed to protect your time.
There is no “should” or “should not” about how you feel.
 
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out, they’re letting the right people in, and in a way that works for you.
 
You can be kind and assertive. You can care for others and protect yourself.
 
I am here to help you take the next step with setting boundaries in your work or home life. Get in contact so we can work this out.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Bergen County, New Jersey
​

Boundaries are how we teach others how to treat us. More importantly, they protect our energy and preserve our sense of self. So why do so many people, especially here on the East Coast, confuse boundaries with selfishness?
 
Let’s be clear:
Setting boundaries is not rude.
It’s not unkind.
It’s not “too much.”
 
Boundaries are the foundation of mental wellness, and they’re something we can all learn. You just might need a little help. If so, get in contact today.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in New Jersey

It is rare that we can “think” our way out of stress, anxiety, depression and trauma responses. The trouble is, your nervous system does not understand these words. It understands sensations, movement of the body, tone of voice, and breathing patterns.
 
Polyvagal theory helps us to understand our nervous system in three states:
 
Ventral vagal, where you feel safe and calm and connected.
Sympathetic (fight-or-flight), where your body is mobilized to seek out safety.
Dorsal vagal (shutdown), where you experience numbness, fatigue, or dissociation.
 
If your system gets stuck in the sympathetic or dorsal vagal states, your body cannot rest and recover. As a result, you can develop brain fog, depression, anxiety, or even digestive issues.
 
Polyvagal techniques help our body to recognize signs of safety, rather than always seeing danger (and either being chronically on alert, or in a state of collapse). In other words, you slowly shift out of survival mode, offering yourself the chance to truly connect with your experiences.
 
Key point:
These techniques work because they mimic the body’s natural signals of safety.
 
Polyvagal techniques include slow exhalations paired with sound (like humming or sighing), tapping, gentle, rhythmic movement, pairing breath with sound (like humming or vocalizing or sighing), and orientation exercises that bring your attention to the present moment (for example, notice the colors or textures of the objects around you, or notice the sounds).
 
These techniques can help you to transform your mind and body.
Key point:
The more you repeat these techniques, the more your nervous system can learn to move out of survival mode without danger.
 
At one time, being with people, speaking up, or setting boundaries once left us feeling ‘triggered.’ To do any of this left us feeling unsafe but, with the help of these Polyvagal techniques, we can tolerate being with people, speaking up, and setting boundaries. Finally we feel safe when we do these things.
 
I hope you found this interesting and useful. If you would like to explore this more, you can contact me via this page. You can also book online for a free call from me.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Bergen County, New Jersey

Imposter syndrome won’t go away just because you achieve more.
 
Instead, try these four steps:
 
1.Name the narrative: Recognize the ‘part’ of you, or the inner voice, that tells you, “I’m not good enough.”
2.Try to identify the feelings and needs of that critical ‘part’ of you. For example, is there a need for stability? Perhaps this comes from a childhood growing up in an unstable life.
3.Identify alternative ways to meet that need and self-soothe.
 
Does any of this resonate with you? If you would like to explore how this applies to you, contact me via this page or book online for a time when I should call you back.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

Do you downplay your achievements?
Do you avoid applying for opportunities you were qualified for?
Do you spend many days at work feeling like you have to ‘earn’ your place there?
 
If so, you are dealing with imposter syndrome.
Don’t worry, you are not alone. Many of us feel this way, and no matter how hard others try to convince us, we still don’t believe in our worth.
 
Sometimes this is a belief handed to us from a young age. If you were neglected as a child (emotionally, physically, or both) you can take on this message that you are not good enough. The longer you have held this belief, the longer it will take to challenge it.
 
But it is possible.
 
I work with professionals, entrepreneurs, creatives, and students to help them realize their value. What they tell me is that it has been helpful to remember that feeling like an imposter doesn’t make you one. In fact, the ‘imposter part’ that you carry can serve a purpose; to keep you vigilant for opportunities for growth.  
 
Does any of this resonate with you? If you would like to explore how this applies to you, contact me via this page or book online for a time when I should call you back.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

“I just got lucky.”
“I don’t belong here.”
“Any minute now, they will figure out that I have no idea what I am doing.”
 
These are classic phrases spoken by someone with imposter syndrome, and, in my work as a psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey, I hear them all the time.
 
Imposter syndrome is the internal belief that your success isn’t earned, and that one day soon you will be found out as a fraud or an imposter.
 
Here’s the truth:
Intelligence and self-doubt can (and often do) coexist.
You don’t have to feel confident to be capable.
Feeling like an imposter doesn’t mean you are one.
 
In therapy, we work on rewiring those critical thoughts and reconnecting you to your actual accomplishments.
 
Does any of this resonate with you? If you would like to explore how this applies to you, contact me via this page or book online for a time when I should call you back.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

One of the many reasons why I love polyvagal theory is because it is visually stunning. I have found it immensely helpful to learn that our 'symptoms' are simply our body and mind trying to keep us safe. There is nothing intrinsically 'wrong' or 'miswired' about us. In fact, the opposite is true; our body and mind is doing what it was designed to do.

Understanding our responses is one big step towards regaining control of your life. Here is a fascinating article issued by the Polyvagal Institute, where they explain more about the responses of our mind and body.

If you would like to process this further, book online today.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Bergen County, New Jersey

Many EMDR therapists use polyvagal theory to help someone understand that their body and mind are responding in a certain way because it is biologically built to do this. Your nervous system is responding to cues of danger or safety, and so symptoms of anxiety, depression, and trauma responses, are easier to understand when we view our nervous system as a ladder (as shown in the diagram below).
 
At the bottom of the nervous system ladder, in response to cues of danger, our nervous system can shut down. Here we can feel numb, blank-minded, even depressed. Think of how we might be caught by the saber-tooth tiger; our nervous system cleverly shuts us down so we do not feel the pain of the bite of the tiger. This is the work of the part of the parasympathetic nervous system that is known as the dorsal vagal response.
 
In the middle of the nervous system ladder, in response to cues of danger that we have a hope of escaping, our nervous system will respond by increasing our heart rate so we can fight or flee the danger. Here we can find outbursts of anger and anxiety, and this is the work of the sympathetic nervous system.
 
Finally, at the top of the nervous system ladder, we find the most evolved response, in response to cues of safety, when we can connect with ourselves and others. Thanks to our parasympathetic nervous system, this is the ventral vagal response.
 
Together, we will help you to notice and name the different states, and you can use this awareness to flex in and out of the various states as appropriate.

Get in contact today.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Bergen County, New Jersey

To wrap up the week, here are some thoughts on CPTSD, trust, finding a trauma therapist, the fawn trauma response, and EMDR.

​Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in New Jersey

A few thoughts about therapy and getting the right kind of help...particularly for CPTSD and trauma-informed therapy.

Let me know what you make of these.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

If we are to achieve peace (within and without), we need to build connected communities and end cycles of fear and harm. To do this, we must understand and nurture our inner worlds. When we feel safe and calm inside, we become capable of creating safety and calm around us. In other words, we learn to co-regulate each other. We do this through curiosity and compassion, not control and dominance.
 
This isn’t just theory or wild aspirations; it’s biology. We need each other to feel safe and calm. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr Stephen Porges, helps explain why these qualities matter not just emotionally but physiologically. At its heart, the theory describes how our nervous system is wired for connection or protection. When we feel threatened, our bodies may shift into fight, flight, or freeze states. But when we feel safe, our social engagement system comes online, allowing us to connect, listen, and co-regulate.
 
As a therapist, and as a husband and father, I’ve seen how essential co-regulation is in daily life. When one person remains calm and present, it can bring another back from the edge. When we speak gently, offer eye contact, and breathe steadily, we send signals of safety. These signals are contagious. They invite nervous systems to settle and hearts to open.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

We live in a time when fear often leads the conversation. Yet, when I look at my daughters, I am reminded of what truly matters: not winning, not being right, but being present and feeling safe and calm.
 
As a psychotherapist, and someone who came to this country for love, I know how important it is to belong. But belonging doesn’t begin at the national level. It begins in families, friendships, and yes, in therapy rooms.
 
This isn’t just theory or wild aspirations; it’s biology. We need each other to feel safe and calm. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr Stephen Porges, helps explain why these qualities matter not just emotionally but physiologically. At its heart, the theory describes how our nervous system is wired for connection or protection. When we feel threatened, our bodies may shift into fight, flight, or freeze states. But when we feel safe, our social engagement system comes online, allowing us to connect, listen, and co-regulate.
 
As a therapist, and as a husband and father, I’ve seen how essential co-regulation is in daily life. When one person remains calm and present, it can bring another back from the edge. When we speak gently, offer eye contact, and breathe steadily, we send signals of safety. These signals are contagious. They invite nervous systems to settle and hearts to open.
 
Peace starts when we choose to meet ourselves and each other with curiosity rather than criticism, and compassion rather than control.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​