Assertiveness is not aggression. It’s about knowing that your feelings and needs matter. It’s also about expressing those feelings and needs, and listening to others. ​

Boundaries are how we teach others how to treat us. More importantly, they protect our energy and preserve our sense of self. So why do so many people, especially here on the East Coast, confuse boundaries with selfishness?
 
Let’s be clear:
Setting boundaries is not rude.
It’s not unkind.
It’s not “too much.”
 
Boundaries are the foundation of mental wellness, and they’re something we can all learn. You just might need a little help. If so, get in contact today.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in New Jersey

It is rare that we can “think” our way out of stress, anxiety, depression and trauma responses. The trouble is, your nervous system does not understand these words. It understands sensations, movement of the body, tone of voice, and breathing patterns.
 
Polyvagal theory helps us to understand our nervous system in three states:
 
Ventral vagal, where you feel safe and calm and connected.
Sympathetic (fight-or-flight), where your body is mobilized to seek out safety.
Dorsal vagal (shutdown), where you experience numbness, fatigue, or dissociation.
 
If your system gets stuck in the sympathetic or dorsal vagal states, your body cannot rest and recover. As a result, you can develop brain fog, depression, anxiety, or even digestive issues.
 
Polyvagal techniques help our body to recognize signs of safety, rather than always seeing danger (and either being chronically on alert, or in a state of collapse). In other words, you slowly shift out of survival mode, offering yourself the chance to truly connect with your experiences.
 
Key point:
These techniques work because they mimic the body’s natural signals of safety.
 
Polyvagal techniques include slow exhalations paired with sound (like humming or sighing), tapping, gentle, rhythmic movement, pairing breath with sound (like humming or vocalizing or sighing), and orientation exercises that bring your attention to the present moment (for example, notice the colors or textures of the objects around you, or notice the sounds).
 
These techniques can help you to transform your mind and body.
Key point:
The more you repeat these techniques, the more your nervous system can learn to move out of survival mode without danger.
 
At one time, being with people, speaking up, or setting boundaries once left us feeling ‘triggered.’ To do any of this left us feeling unsafe but, with the help of these Polyvagal techniques, we can tolerate being with people, speaking up, and setting boundaries. Finally we feel safe when we do these things.
 
I hope you found this interesting and useful. If you would like to explore this more, you can contact me via this page. You can also book online for a free call from me.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Bergen County, New Jersey