When we experience extreme emotions, it can be helpful to refer to this as a ‘part’. For example, this is my angry part, or scared part, or depressed or anxious part. The idea is that all parts of you deserve space to communicate, and often these parts are simply trying to keep you safe.
 
To think of an emotion as a part comes from internal family systems therapy (IFS). As with a family, each part deserves to be heard, but sometimes families become imbalanced because one or more part is taking up more space than the others. This helps to understand imbalanced mental health.
 
When one part takes up too much space, we can end up getting stuck in anger or fear or depression or anxiety. In therapy, I can help you to identify your different parts. You can also learn what those parts need. It is my belief that this often helps people to feel less overwhelmed and more flexible to the challenges of everyday life.
 
To refer to these stuck feelings as a part isn’t rocket science. But it offers you hope of working with these feelings, rather than trying to shut them out or numb them. What is established wisdom in the mental health community is that when you trying and push aside feelings, often they come back with greater force.
 
Get in contact today. Alternatively, you can book online for a call from me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

​One of the most pervasive aspects of trauma is shame. It spreads through your personal relationships, threatens your career, and undermines your self-esteem. Shame whispers, “I should’ve done more,” “I am a bad person,” and “I let this happen.” Trauma makes you believe these lies.

Shame convinces you to stay silent, to isolate, and to carry the burden for the rest of your life. It doesn’t have to be this way. With the help of an experienced trauma therapist, you can shake yourself free of the shame and see yourself for the loving, competent person who survived.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
 

As a result of trauma, shame can echo throughout the years. Shame tells you that you are not good enough, that you are mis-wired or too much or forever unsafe.

Sure, shame is loud, but healing is louder. With the right help, you can learn how to parse out the more nuanced reality. You aren’t forever unsafe because you now know how to recognize safety. Better yet, you carry it in your body, so you can access it each day. You aren’t mis-wired because your nervous system has been doing what it is designed to do: scan your environment in order to keep you safe. And you know that you are good enough because you feel it, and it is reflected in the eyes of others.

Don’t let shame and trauma win.

Let's chat about this. You can contact me via this page.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

According to some neuroscientists, we attach meaning to memories, and that meaning is colored by our emotions. At the time of the trauma, we might not believe that we are at fault or powerless, and if we are a small child, we might not even have the ability to hold such beliefs. But over time, as we look back, we can start to interpret the trauma that way. As a result, we anticipate the future with a sense of futility or powerlessness.

We can see the effects of trauma in how we behave, in our mood, in our sleep patterns, and physical health but getting help can be difficult when guilt and shame are such an integral part of trauma. From an evolutionary perspective, if a bad thing happens to us, it helps to remember that bad thing, so we avoid it in the future. If a saber tooth tiger attacks you, it serves you well to remember to avoid saber tooth tigers. The limbic system in our brain has various functions including affect, and affect helps to initiate behavior to help with survival. Shame is an aroused affect and so it is a strong deterrent, so it can keep us vigilant and act more defensively. This all makes sense when we were fleeing saber tooth tigers, and when our lifespan was much shorter. But in this modern world, we are living much longer, and witnessing so much more, so this constant influx of trauma has a negative impact on the brain over a longer lifespan.

That the trauma inside us that leads to guilt and shame is reinforced by three processes -
1. It serves as a punishment because we believe we deserved it; this is a negative way that the brain makes us try to do better.
2. It serves as a distraction from deeper or more painful emotions.
3. If we think of something awful that might happen, that tricks us into believing that we can somehow control the future. For example, I know I will fail.

To heal from trauma and break from this shame and guilt, we need to find ways to experience ourselves differently, and this requires a safe place with an experienced trauma therapist.

If you would like to talk to me about any of this, you can contact me via this page.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

Stop believing that you are “too much” or “broken” or you “ruin all relationships.”

The truth is that if you have CPTSD, you have been stuck in survival mode for too long. Your nervous system has been responding in the way it is supposed to: It has kept you safe. The trouble is, it doesn’t realize that the dangers are in the past. That’s where therapy comes in.

Together, we can slowly try a new way of being that involves trust and connection. Eventually, you will ease out of the freeze, fight, flight, or fawn responses that have dominated your life, and you will experience a more flexible and fluid response to present-day experiences.

You are not “too much” any more than you are “broken” or “bad at relationships.” You are a survivor.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

Less experienced therapists and psychologists might pathologize you, claiming you suffer from some kind of “personality defect”. If this happens, switch to a mental health professional who understands that CPTSD is a survival adaptation. Your nervous system is built to keep you safe, and if you were raised in an unsafe environment, it has had to adapt.

The good news is that if you adapted to an unsafe environment in the past, you can adapt to the safety in the present. Once you feel safe in a supportive (a non-judgmental) therapeutic relationship, you can use this to recognize the other safe relationships you currently enjoy. That way, you can turn the volume down on your survival responses and enjoy a full, nourishing life.

You adapted. You survived. Now is your time to thrive.

Get in contact via this page. Or book online for a free call from me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

As a trauma therapist, I really want you to know this: Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is not a character flaw, it’s a survival strategy.

You survived a harsh environment of neglect, instability, and emotional or physical abuse, so your nervous system adapted to that environment.

I am sure you experience one or more of the following: emotional numbing, hypervigilance, people-pleasing or isolation. These are protective adaptations because your nervous system cannot tell what year it is. It sees, smells, hears, feels things that are similar to that chaotic past, and it believes you are right there in it.

Take, for example, closeness. Someone smiles at you, compliments you, and wants to share more with you. If you have experienced trauma, your nervous system might put you in a freeze response, or you might instinctively avoid that person. Your nervous system is just trying to keep you safe.

The trouble is, your nervous system is responding to historic cues. It doesn’t necessarily reflect your present-day reality. This person who is smiling at you might not mean any harm, so this is where the therapy comes in, where we can slowly learn new ways in relationships with other people.

Let’s work together to remember what feeling safe felt like, and free ourselves from limiting survival adaptations. Book online for a free call from me. Alternatively, you can contact me via this page.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

Heightened states of anxiety can be scary. Add to that flashbacks, nightmares, or moments of emotional numbing, and you can feel like your world has been turned upside down. If you are experiencing this after trauma, you could be experiencing PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
 
The good news is that there are plenty of treatment options for PTSD. It has been around forever, so us therapists have been working hard for decades to help alleviate symptoms. Latest research shows that one of the best approaches is EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy). We can chat about what this involves, but, in short, it helps to turn the volume down on your symptoms. As a result, this could open you up to the potential to feel safe in your body again, you will be able to trust others, and you will thrive in your relationships (work and personal).
 
Get in contact if you need to ask any questions about this. Alternatively, you can book online for a free call from me.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

Ever since that trauma, no matter how many years that have passed, you startle easily. Or you are perfectionistic, hyper-independent, you have flashbacks, you or find yourself dissociating. In other words, you have PTSD. What now?
 
There are therapists who will make you re-tell your trauma story, and they will keep getting you to go there, no matter what. This is rarely a helpful approach.
 
What you really need is someone who can learn about your trauma responses, and help you understand that this was your nervous system doing exactly what it is designed to do: Keeping you safe. An experienced trauma therapist will build a relationship of trust with you, and when you feel safe enough to do so, they will help you to pendulate between states of moving towards and moving away from activating experiences. That way, your mind and body will learn to attune to the present reality, instead of remaining stuck in the past trauma.
 
Get in contact today to learn more about how we can work together. You are welcome to book online for a free call from me.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

When the worst is over. But it still lives in you.

PTSD doesn’t always look like panic attacks or visible distress. It can also come in the form of:

• Feeling numb, emotionally or physically
• Irritability or anger that feels out of proportion
• Hyper-indepedence
• Perfectionism
• Trouble sleeping
• Avoidance of people or places.

 
PTSD is not a failing or a weakness; it’s your brain doing its best to protect you from something overwhelming.
 
With the right help, you can turn down the volume on your natural alarm system. You’re not alone. The help is here when you need it.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

According to some neuroscientists, we attach meaning to memories, and that meaning is colored by our emotions. At the time of the trauma, we might not believe that we are at fault or powerless, and if we are a small child, we might not even have the ability to hold such beliefs. But over time, as we look back, we can start to interpret the trauma that way. As a result, we anticipate the future with a sense of futility or powerlessness.
 
We can see the effects of trauma in how we behave, in our mood, in our sleep patterns, and physical health but getting help can be difficult when guilt and shame are such an integral part of trauma. From an evolutionary perspective, if a bad thing happens to us, it helps to remember that bad thing, so we avoid it in the future. If a saber tooth tiger attacks you, it serves you well to remember to avoid saber tooth tigers. The limbic system in our brain has various functions including affect, and affect helps to initiate behavior to help with survival. Shame is an aroused affect and so it is a strong deterrent, so it can keep us vigilant and act more defensively. This all makes sense when we were fleeing saber tooth tigers, and when our lifespan was much shorter. But in this modern world, we are living much longer, and witnessing so much more, so this constant influx of trauma has a negative impact on the brain over a longer lifespan.
 
That the trauma inside us that leads to guilt and shame is reinforced by three processes -
1.     It serves as a punishment because we believe we deserved it; this is a negative way that the brain makes us try to do better.
2.     It serves as a distraction from deeper or more painful emotions.
3.     If we think of something awful that might happen, that tricks us into believing that we can somehow control the future. For example, I know I will fail.

To heal from trauma and break from this shame and guilt, we need to find ways to experience ourselves differently, and this requires a safe place with an experienced trauma therapist.
Book online for a free call from me.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

As a result of trauma, shame can echo throughout the years. Shame tells you that you are not good enough, that you are mis-wired or too much or forever unsafe.
 
Sure, shame is loud, but healing is louder. With the right help, you can learn how to parse out the more nuanced reality. You aren’t forever unsafe because you now know how to recognize safety. Better yet, you carry it in your body, so you can access it each day. You aren’t mis-wired because your nervous system has been doing what it is designed to do: scan your environment in order to keep you safe. And you know that you are good enough because you feel it, and it is reflected in the eyes of others.
 
Don’t let shame and trauma win.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
​

One of the most pervasive aspects of trauma is shame. It spreads through your personal relationships, threatens your career, and undermines your self-esteem. Shame whispers, “I should’ve done more,” “I am a bad person,” and “I let this happen.” Trauma makes you believe these lies.
 
Shame convinces you to stay silent, to isolate, and to carry the burden for the rest of your life. It doesn’t have to be this way. With the help of an experienced trauma therapist, you can shake yourself free of the shame and see yourself for the loving, competent person who survived.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

Stop believing that you are “too much” or “broken” or you “ruin all relationships.”
 
The truth is that if you have CPTSD, you have been stuck in survival mode for too long. Your nervous system has been responding in the way it is supposed to: It has kept you safe. The trouble is, it doesn’t realize that the dangers are in the past. That’s where therapy comes in.
 
Together, we can slowly try a new way of being that involves trust and connection. Eventually, you will ease out of the freeze, fight, flight, or fawn responses that have dominated your life, and you will experience a more flexible and fluid response to present-day experiences.
 
You are not “too much” any more than you are “broken” or “bad at relationships.” You are a survivor.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey

Less experienced therapists and psychologists might pathologize you, claiming you suffer from some kind of “personality defect”. If this happens, switch to a mental health professional who understands that CPTSD is a survival adaptation. Your nervous system is built to keep you safe, and if you were raised in an unsafe environment, it has had to adapt.
 
The good news is that if you adapted to an unsafe environment in the past, you can adapt to the safety in the present. Once you feel safe in a supportive (a non-judgmental) therapeutic relationship, you can use this to recognize the other safe relationships you currently enjoy. That way, you can turn the volume down on your survival responses and enjoy a full, nourishing life.
 
You adapted. You survived. Now is your time to thrive.
 
Get in contact via this page. Or book online for a free call from me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey