If you are overwhelmed by stress or anxiety, here is a quick exercise to help.  The Four Elements was devised by Elan Shapiro, and I have recorded an audio version of it.  I hope you find it useful.

If you would like to find out more about anxiety, you can view free resources here.
 
Book online today, telephone, or send us an email.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com              
201-779-6917              
chris@exploretransform.com​
#findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth

​In his book ‘I Don’t Want To Talk About It’, Terence Real claims that people who have been given the male label (who I refer to as “the Male Labelled”) are conditioned to confront and assert, instead of connecting and relating to others.  As a result, many people who are Male Labelled become isolated with less options to resolve emotional distress.

In my work as a psychotherapist, I often encounter men who feel desperate because they have never shared their fears.  Left alone to try and work things out, their fears have grown monstrously out of proportion, and sometimes things have felt so overwhelming, that they have considered suicide.

When they finally share their fears, when they finally connect to someone else, they are given the opportunity to gain a new perspective.  Their problems become more manageable, and they are able to identify strategies and solutions that were available to them all along.
​
Get high on connection
Still not convinced about the benefits of connection?  How about a bit of science to convince you:
Dopamine is the feel-good chemical in the brain, and more is produced when we are introduced to new experiences.  This new experience can be a deeper connection with people you already know or even a surface connection with a new person.  In whatever form, we should be getting more of it (The Rewarding Nature of Social Interactions, Krach et al).
 
Drugged up, lonely rats
Here is some more science:
Far far away, in a university in Vancouver (Simon Fraser University, to be precise), Professor Alexander built a cage for some rats to play in.  He installed balls and tunnels and food, and he offered them two water bottles; one with water and the other laced with drugs.  The rats often chose the plain water, and it was only when they were placed in isolation did Alexander notice that the rats started to choose the drugged water.  And when the rats were returned to the cage where they could play and eat with each other, their interest in the drug disappeared.  Some have argued that connection is so powerful that it can act as an antidote to addiction.
 
How can we get this thing called ‘connection’?
Nobody has a continuous, consistent level of connection with someone else.  The quality of the connection can be easily influenced by how open the other person is to connecting with you.  So don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t flow as easily as you hoped.
 
You may also find it hard to connect with others if you are enduring stress.  If you are distracted by the prospect of losing your job or dealing with a two-year-old child who is screaming blue murder, be kind to yourself and don’t hope for too much all at once.

Our styles of connection have a lot to do with how we were raised.  For example, if our caregivers (usually our parents) were emotionally distant, we might think that being emotionally distant is a desirable way of being in our adult relationships.
 
Always do what you’ve always done, always get what you’ve always got
But we can unlearn as much as we learn.  How is that aloof, distant manner working out for you so far?; feeling a little lonely on that island?  Why not try a different approach.  Everything new feels a bit awkward at first, but with practice, it might feel a bit easier.  And besides, if we always do what we have always done, we will always get what we have always got (Henry Ford).

Never too late
If we have never experienced a healthy connection with someone else, it is not too late to learn how.  A decent therapist can show you what it is like to make a connection with someone. 
 
I hope you found this useful.
​
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com              
201-779-6917              
chris@exploretransform.com​
#findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth

When you experience a stressful event, it can be so overwhelming that your brain gets stuck in that experience.  Even if it happened many years ago.

A type of therapy called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) can help you to escape this stressful event and learn to live fully in the present.

EMDR in brief
EMDR helps people to heal from stressful experiences.  The idea is that sometimes things get stuck in the brain, and with the help of EMDR, the blockage is removed, and the brain starts to heal. 

When I use EMDR, I stimulate your brain’s natural healing system to resolve the stressful experiences.  The stressful experiences are resolved because, with the help of EMDR, your brain can finally process those stressful experiences.  You are no longer overwhelmed by those experiences.

EMDR in more detail
These are the three parts of your brain that communicate with each other -   

• Amygdala – Your alarm system, telling you when something is wrong
• Hippocampus – Holding memories about things like what is dangerous and what is safe
• Prefrontal cortex – This controls your emotion and behaviour

In response to a stressful event, your brain tends to tell you to do one of three things –

• Fight
• Flee
• Freeze

If your brain has not had a chance to process a stressful event, your brain can get stuck in one of those three responses (fight, flight or freeze).

EMDR involves moving your eyes from left to right, a process similar to REM sleep.  If you don’t like this eye movement, we can use ‘tappers’ (a small machine that you hold in your hands and sends subtle pulsing sensations from left to right).

EMDR helps your brain to process those stressful experiences, so they are not stuck in a way that overwhelms you.  As a result, you change your beliefs about the event and about yourself.  For example –

• Before EMDR – You may have viewed the event as overwhelming, and you may have viewed yourself as ‘unsafe’ or ‘defective’
• After EMDR – You may no longer view the event as overwhelming, because it is in the past, and you are not vividly reliving the events.  And you may view yourself as ‘safe now’ or ‘effective and resourceful now’.

Before any reprocessing takes place, we will also work hard to identify and strengthen any ground and calming resources, so that you never feel overwhelmed.

I am a member of EMDR International Association, and they have put together a video telling you more about EMDR.  Please let me know if you have any questions about this.

Book your free telephone consultation today.  Or reach out to ask me any questions.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com              
201-779-6917              
chris@exploretransform.com​
#findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth

Postscript

EMDR has been proven to be effective, and here is just some of the evidence –
​
·         American Psychiatric Association. (2004). Practice guideline for the treatment of patients with acute stress disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder. Retrieved from: https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/clinical-practice-guidelines
 
·         American Psychological Association. (2017). Clinical practice guideline for the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in adults. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/ptsd.pdf
 
·         Department of Veterans Affairs & Department of Defense. (2017). VA/DoD clinical practice guideline for the management of post-traumatic stress disorder and acute stress disorder. The Management of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Work Group. Office of Quality and Performance publication. doi:10Q-CPG/PTSD-04. Retrieved from: https://www.healthquality.va.gov/guidelines/MH/ptsd/
 
·         International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies. (2018). PTSD prevention and treatment guidelines methodology and recommendations. Oakbrook Terrace, IL: ISTSS. Retrieved from: https://www.istss.org/treating-trauma/new-istss-prevention-and-treatment-guidelines.aspx
 
·         National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence.  (2018). Post-traumatic stress disorder. NICE guideline [NG116]. Retrieved from: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng116
 
·         Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services America. (2012). Comparative effectiveness research series. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy: An information resource. SAMHSA's National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices.
 
·         The Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews. (2013). Psychological therapies for chronic post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in adults. Issue 12. Article no. CD003388. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD003388.pub4. Retrieved from: https://www.cochrane.org/CD003388/DEPRESSN_psychological-therapies-chronic-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-adults
 
·         World Health Organization. (2013). Guidelines for the management of conditions specifically related to stress. Geneva: WHO. Retrieved from: https://www.who.int/mental_health/emergencies/stress_guidelines/en/

For many clients I work with, shame is at the core of their problems.  It mocks their attempts to exercise self-compassion, or it belittles their belief that they might deserve a better life.  Until shame is tackled, the problems will continue.  And for some, it can ruin lives.

Guilt is a bad feeling about something you may or may not have done.  In contrast, shame is a bad feeling about the core of you.  No matter what you do, you carry shame of the intrinsic quality that is you.

Here is another chance to read my article about shame.

The next step is for you to book a free initial telephone consultation using the online booking link set out below.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com              
201-779-6917              
chris@exploretransform.com​
#findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth

As a psychotherapist, I offer a type of therapy called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR).  This has been proven to be extremely effective for people who need to work through trauma. 

​Trauma is not just the more obvious incident of  a road accident or military combat.  Trauma includes Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) such as 

• Verbal abuse
• Emotional neglect
• Physical abuse
• Physical neglect
• Sexual abuse
• Parent who abuses substances
• Parent who is survivor of domestic violence
• Family member with mental illness
• Family member who is incarcerated
• Parent died, parent divorced, parent abandoned child

Without the right help, trauma can have a significant impact on a person's life.  You may not realise that it is still the root cause of your current problems, but trauma can leave you stuck, unable to regulate your emotions, and unable to sustain healthy work or personal relationships.  

Take charge of your life and book a free initial telephone consultation today.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com              
201-779-6917              
chris@exploretransform.com​
#findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth