The U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health epidemic, and yet people rarely admit that they are lonely or socially isolated. Studies show that we are more willing to admit to any number of physical ailments than to admit we are lonely.
 
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defined loneliness as a “feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging.” To lack meaningful or close relationships, to lack a sense of belonging, can be exceptionally damaging to a person’s mental health. Studies show there is a high correlation between loneliness and depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges.
 
Loneliness isn't a numbers game; you can feel lonely in a crowded room. Loneliness involves feeling emotionally disconnected from others, either because they don't care, respect, or understand you. 
 
So, loneliness is about the quality of our social interactions rather than the quantity. Another way of putting it is that loneliness is defined by a gap between your expectation for meaningful social connection, and the reality you experience.
 
It can be one of the most powerful experiences to work with a therapist and figure out your approach to a relationship. You might do things without realizing it, setting yourself up for a fall, and yet when you form a relationship with a therapist, you can start to understand those patterns.
 
If you need to speak to an experienced psychotherapist about loneliness, book online for a free callback.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
Explore Transform LLC

Five dangers of burnout:
 
1
 
Research shows that burnout can thin the gray matter of your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain that is responsible for important functions such as reasoning and decision-making), and it can enlarge the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system).
 
As a result, when our alarm system goes into overdrive, we sense threat when there is none, and we are less able to mediate this heightened state with cool, calming reason.
 
2
 
An amygdala in overdrive activates the sympathetic nervous system, our fight-or-flight response, which can lead to higher levels of stress hormones, including cortisol and epinephrine.
 
Increased levels of epinephrine damage blood vessels and arteries and raise blood pressure, and excessive cortisol levels result in an increased fat tissue.
 
3
 
Burnout occurs when there is chronic stress that has not been successfully managed, and to borrow from the World Health Organization’s definition, it is characterized by “feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion,” “feelings of negativism or cynicism,” and reduced “efficacy.”
 
This often results in a vicious cycle, where the reduced efficacy feeds the negativism and cynicism, which leads to greater feelings of energy depletion and exhaustion.
 
4
 
Keep an eye out for the following signs of burnout. If you have any concerns, consult your doctor or therapist:
Exhaustion
Insomnia
Helplessness
Changes in your eating habits
Anger…
 
…Irritability
Cynicism
Reduced interest in things you usually enjoy
An inability to think clearly
Apathy
An overwhelmingly negative outlook on life
Breathlessness
Reduced effectiveness with tasks
Dizziness
 
5
 
Arguably, we are at a greater risk of burnout because of our increased dependence on technology. We jump to respond to every alert and notification, and this takes us away from moments of connection with ourselves and others…
 
…As a result, our window of tolerance shrinks, making us more reactive and less in touch with our natural rhythms and the resulting wisdom.
 
If you would like to talk to an experienced psychotherapist about burnout, please book online for a free callback.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
Explore Transform LLC

“I never realized you were depressed; you always had a smile on your face,” or “I didn’t know they were suicidal because they always turned up for work and got the job done.” Depression is hard to spot, so that’s why a psychotherapist will work hard to get to know each individual client, so they know what depression looks like for them.
 
The beast of depression is a multifaceted creature. For some, it shows itself as anger and frustration whereas for others it is tears or disconnection. That can make it tricky for you to recognize it in yourself and your loved ones.
 
I always explain to clients that you know yourself and you know your loved ones. So, in your eyes, are there significant changes? Is someone who is usually peaceful and reserved acting in an explosive and hostile way? Is someone who is usually sporty and outgoing giving up on friends and activities?
 
I also like to point to excess as a key identifier for depression: Is someone working excessively, eating excessively, or are they excessively explosive? From a Polyvagal perspective, this is when someone is in the sympathetic fight-or-flight state. The nervous system detects cues of danger, and we respond by fighting or fleeing in an attempt to establish safety.
 
Excess can show itself in other ways. Is someone excessively scrolling through social media, staring into space, or becoming forgetful? From a Polyvagal perspective, this is when someone is in the dorsal vagal (shutdown) state. The nervous system detects cues of danger, and we respond by shutting down or numbing out because it feels like there is no hope of escape.
 
Faced with depression, our first goal is to recognize when we are in these states where we sense danger (sympathetic fight-or-flight state, or dorsal vagal shutdown state). Compassionate is a crucial approach to depression, so we need to be curious about what state we are in, and why this might be happening.
 
The second goal with depression is to identify when we are in a ventral vagal state; in other words, when we feel safe and calm. These might be few and far between, but if we can identify one or two, we can build on those and try and replicate them as much as possible. For example, we might feel safe and calm when we think of a beach or see the color purple, or when we are around a particularly supportive friend or family member.
 
The more flexible we become, recognizing that there is a state of safety and calm, not just the fight-or-flight and shutdown states, the easier we will ride the ups and downs of life. As Dr Gabor Mate once wrote, “it’s not about feeling better. It’s about getting better at feeling.”
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist & Author
Counseling & Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey

The Four Elements of Stress Reduction, by Elan Shapiro. This is a quick exercise to help you manage stress and anxiety. I have recorded an audio version so you can save it to your phone, and use it as and when you need. I hope you find it useful.

Go gently.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist at Explore Transform
Ridgewood, New Jersey

Do you notice you tend to people-please, even to your detriment? You might be stuck in a trauma response called "fawning". Here's a great video to explain more. Most importantly, it explains what you can do about it.
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Book online today if you would like to explore more about the fawn response, and other responses of your nervous system. You can book online for a free initial telephone call.

​Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist at Explore Transform LLC
Counseling & Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey