Are we cooperating or are we fawning?

It is good to cooperate, but sometimes, we can end up making sacrifices when we don’t have to. When we get stuck in a response, we lose the ability to respond in an appropriate way. When we get stuck in a response, we cannot weigh up the pros and cons and make an informed decision based on the present reality. When we get stuck in a response, we are responding to the past trauma(s) rather than the present.
 
Pete Walker, a therapist who specializes in trauma, identified the “fawn response” as one of the various trauma responses. You have probably already heard of fight, flight, or freeze, but often people overlook the fawn response. As we are a society that demands cooperation, I wonder if we have developed a blind spot to this trauma response.
 
Here are a few telltale signs to identify if you are in a fawn (trauma) response rather than just being cooperative:
 
1.You make sacrifices for other people without considering your own feelings and needs.
2.You know rationally that you can refuse to comply with a request, but you feel like you have no other choice.
3.You frequently apologize.
4.Fear prevents you from making decisions.
5.You feel responsible for everyone’s feelings and needs.
6.You act according to the values of others, rather than your own values.
7.You feel invisible in a group.
8.When you feel angry, you feel guilty. (Note the difference between feeling angry and acting on anger.)
 
Book online today if you would like to explore more about the fawn response, and other responses of your nervous system. You can book online for a free initial telephone call.

​Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist at Explore Transform LLC
Counseling & Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey