Befriending the workplace bully - Part 2

This is the second in a three part series of blogs on how to befriend the workplace bully.

‘Pain’ Management (Mindfulness; Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
 
To befriend the bully, we need to learn how to tolerate the discomfort.  I have worked with clients who have been living with a physical condition which causes them chronic pain, and together we have tried out the following suggestions that you might like to try to manage the ‘pain’ this bully causes you –

• Enter into the ‘pain’.  Really tune into the thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations this bully evokes in you.  Become aware of, and accept, what is, rather than trying to ignore it, or fear the future uncertain.  Try to be specific when you describe these experiences, but at the same time recognise these thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations as simply thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations.  If you allow yourself to experience a distance from these, you may be able to see that they are often temporary.  They are not the whole of you.
• If entering the ‘pain’ seems overwhelming, anchor yourself in the moment by focusing on your breath.  Allow thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations to come and go, but keep returning your attention to each breath.  Ask yourself ‘How uncomfortable is it right now?’ rather than fearing the future uncertain.
• Manage your expectations.  It is probably unrealistic to expect to never suffer any ‘pain’ from this bully, and so you will set yourself up for disappointment.
• Caricaturise the bully.  In the privacy of your own home, draw him with distorted features and give him a comedic name.  This can offer you distance from his aggression. 
• You can try all sorts of affirming statements including:  I am choosing to go to work today.  I have strength to withstand this situation.  There is more to me than my working life. 
• Give yourself space when you need it.  This can even be in a toilet cubicle, or a refreshing walk during a lunch break
• Give yourself a few minutes each day to stop and become aware of your breathing, letting thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations come and go without resistance or challenge
• When you leave work, try as much as you can to leave it behind.  Change your clothes when you return home, and resist working at home

In my next blog post I will look at Part 3 (the final part) to Befriending the Workplace Bully

​This Workplace  Issues blog is part of the Explore & Transform Wellbeing toolkit.  Click here to access more Wellbeing tools

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Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA Registered Psychotherapist & Founder of Explore & Transform