Befriending the workplace bully - Part 3

This is the third and final part in a series of blogs on how to befriend the workplace bully.

Assertiveness (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
 
Whether it is the person who is perceived to be the ‘bully’, or the person perceived to be the ‘victim’, either party may feel that the situation has arisen because either party has an issue with assertiveness.  No one is assertive all the time, so to assess how assertive you are in a situation, ask yourself:  ‘How much do I act on other people’s wishes at the cost of my own?’  If you are frequently doing this, and it is causing you difficulties in your life, you may need to consider working on your assertiveness.
 
Assertiveness includes the ability to ask for something but also the ability to say no.  Consider the following points when you think about times you have asked the work bully for something, or when you have had to say no to him –

• Watch for inappropriate smiles or apologies 
• Keep it brief, speak clearly and confidently
• If you are unsure, if you feel unable to answer immediately, ask for more information.  If you are still unsure, state clearly that you will need to think about this and you will come back to him with an answer at a later date
• If you have given your view and the work bully keeps asking the same question, trying to force you to change your mind, consider yourself like a strong old tree swaying in the wind:  Simply repeat your point without changing it.  You can empathise with the work bully’s position without having to alter your own position in any way:  For example, ‘I understand you are under pressure to have an answer today but, based on the information I have at the moment, I will not be able to offer you an answer today.  I will, however, come back to you first thing tomorrow with an answer’. 
• Don’t use the phrase ‘I cannot’ when you mean ‘I will not’
• Avoid blaming others

​This Workplace  Issues blog is part of the Explore & Transform Wellbeing toolkit.  Click here to access more Wellbeing tools

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Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA Registered Psychotherapist & Founder of Explore & Transform