Check the Facts

Stress, anxiety, anger, depression, hopelessness, despair… These are all emotions that can seem to be out of your control.  When they become intense, you can end up feeling trapped and alone.

Here is one way to take control of your emotions, and it comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an approach developed by Marsha Linehan.  Quite simply:  If you are feeling stress or anxious or angry or depressed or hopeless or whatever other emotion, Check the Facts.

How to Check the Facts

• Take care to describe the event that is making you so stressed or anxious or depressed or whatever the emotion was.
• Use all your senses to do this
• Avoid making any assumptions
• Try not to polarize and end up making black and white statements or value judgments.
• Resist the urge to catastrophic
• Consider carefully what thoughts and interpretation you are making about the event
• Check whether your emotions (and its intensity) fit the facts.

If your emotions do not fit the facts, or it is not wise to act on your emotions, you need to act opposite to your emotions.  For example, if you feel intensely angry at your boss and you have chosen not to communicate this anger (because there is nothing that can change about your job), you will need to force yourself to do everything that would be the complete opposite to what your emotions are telling you to do.  This could include some or all of the following -

• Force a smile whenever you see or think of your boss  
• Force yourself to think positive thoughts about him
• Engage in subtle muscle relaxation (an exercise called Progressive Relaxation is useful here.  Find out more about this exercise)
• Try and leave the room for small breaks so you can build up tolerance around him (or reduce the pressure when you are around him)
• Distract yourself by redirecting your attention to things that engage your attention in a positive way

Alternatively, when your emotions fit the facts, problem-solve instead of acting opposite.  You can find out more about problem-solving here.

Let me know how you get on with this.  If you still need help, get in contact.

Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist
Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com