Debunking myths about emotion regulation

​Let's debunk these myths about emotion regulation - 

• It is wrong to feel these emotions, especially anger
• Your emotions contain no useful information
• Emotions prevail over thoughts
• You are a hostage to your emotions, so they cannot change
• If you succumb to your emotions, you will be overwhelmed
• We need to regulate all emotions

The truth is that there is no right or wrong about your emotions, they just exist.  It is what you do with them that dictates the right or wrong of emotions, including anger.

It is important to pay attention to your emotions because they contain important information about what needs to change.  But you need to balance this information with your rational mind.

You don’t have to be a hostage to your emotions; they can change by learning about emotion regulation.  Part of this includes an awareness that emotions (given the right conditions) peak and then subside.  You don't have to become overwhelmed by them.

You can change your emotions by developing skills in emotion regulation, but you only need to regulate the ones that are unhelpful.  This is a useful guide to what emotions are helpful and unhelpful -

• You should regulate emotions that cause more problems than benefits (you can carry out a pros and cons exercise to assess this)
• You should regulate emotions that lead you to act against your values
• You should regulate emotions that are in conflict with your goals

Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist
Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com