Some people still believe that trauma is a lifelong legacy…

Some people still believe that trauma was indelible like a tattoo that you longed to remove. Then I learned that the nervous system can be befriended or parented so that you restore its beauty and flexibility. This realization didn't come from a textbook. It came from years of watching what actually helps people heal; and what doesn't

The best way to understand how to heal from trauma is to look at our relationship to our bodily responses. When we reject or fear or pathologize our natural nervous system responses, we often make things worse.
 
The closest parallel to this approach is parenting. We get a lot further with our children when we respond to their sudden outbursts in a compassionate and curious way. The same can be said about our nervous system. For example, instead of saying, “I should not get sweaty and have racing thoughts,” we can respond with a calm, “I wonder what I need right now.”
  
The nature of trauma (and healing)
 
Trauma doesn't live in a thought or memory. It exists in our nervous system, and it shows itself in a full-body response. It's the way our chest tightens before we even know why. It's the way our skin feels like fire when someone gets too close. It's the way our mind goes blank when really nothing is “wrong.”
 
Trauma puts us in a constant state of survival. When we're in that state, we rarely respond well to pressure to think or feel in a different way. Insight alone is also insufficient because many people I've worked with over the years have said that they know why they feel this way but that doesn't change how they feel.
 
A powerful way forward is to slowly engage in somatic approaches. If you take the freeze trauma response as an example, movement is an exceptionally useful approach. This sounds simple but often people have been waiting for someone to give them permission to move when they feel a certain way. They have been conditioned for so many years to direct their attention outwards and cater to the needs of other people that they have never been given permission to respond to their own feelings and needs. Simply telling a client to check out within themselves what they need and then respond to that can be a powerful step forward in therapy.
 
Polyvagal theory
 
Polyvagal theory gives us language to understand what our nervous system is doing at any particular time and why. Although insight alone is insufficient it can also give us an understanding about the types of somatic approaches that are needed depending on the challenges that are presented. For example, if we are in the dorsal vagal (shutdown) state we will need to engage with tools that help ground us in the present moment and bring us up through the nervous system to eventual vagal state of safety and calm. Having an accessible language to understand what is happening and what we need to do in response can be an incredibly empowering experience for a client.
 
Polyvagal theory also helps us to normalize our nervous system responses. If we understand that all our nervous system is ever trying to do is keep us safe, and these experiences of the body and mind are simply manifestations of that task, then we can understand that we are not “going crazy.” Instead, the nervous system is simply operating in a way that it is designed to; in other words, it is just trying to keep us safe.
 
EMDR and trauma
 
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy) helps the brain and body to reprocess experiences that were too overwhelming to integrate at the time. But it only works when there is enough safety and stability in the nervous system to tolerate the process.
 
That's why somatic preparation matters so much.
 
Before we process trauma, we build resources. We learn how to notice when the body is moving toward overwhelm and how to come back. We develop trust; Not just in the therapist, but in the client's own capacity to regulate.
 
EMDR isn't about reliving trauma it's about allowing what was frozen to move again at a pace the nervous system can handle.
 
Healing does not require more work, a lofty expert nor an approach based on fear and objectification. True healing requires calm compassionate and supportive work. Sometimes it requires just showing up and slowing down and eventually getting to a point where client and therapist can trust each other to move through the nervous system responses.
 
Book online for a free call, so you can find out how Polyvagal theory and EMDR can help you.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey