How to accept the unchangeable

No matter how hard we try, and no matter how much distress it causes us, there will be situations we cannot change.  This is where we can use Reality Acceptance Skills.  This is a concept developed by Marsha Linehan, who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

The whole idea behind this is that if we have truly tried to problem-solve, and there is no way to change the situation, we will create more suffering for ourself if we refuse to accept reality:

Pain + Acceptance = Pain

Whereas:  Pain + Non-Acceptance = Pain Compounded

Acceptance means -

• Accepting the facts, not an assumed reality based on blind-spots
• Accepting our limitations
• Accepting there is an identifiable cause and effect for most things
• Accepting the situation all the way, with your heart and mind and body
• Accepting with grace and a good heart
• Accepting the truth that rejecting reality does not magically change that reality

Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist
Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com