Loneliness or solitude?

In the US, there is a bias towards extroversion. As a result, loneliness and solitude can be misinterpreted as the same thing.

Loneliness isn't a numbers game; you can feel lonely in a crowded room. Loneliness involves feeling emotionally disconnected from others, either because they don't care, respect, or understand you. So, loneliness is about the quality of our social interactions rather than the quantity. Another way of putting it is that loneliness is defined by a gap between your expectation for meaningful social connection, and the reality you experience.

The U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has referred to loneliness as a public health epidemic, and yet people rarely admit that they are lonely or socially isolated. It seems that people are more willing to admit that they are stressed than to talk about loneliness and isolation. Despite the lack of discourse, research shows that many people are feeling lonelier and more socially isolated since the COVID-19 pandemic.

​When we look at the quality of our relationships, we can often find the source of our loneliness. For example, we might be stuck in unhelpful patterns with our friends and family, unable to live authentically out of fear of rejection or judgment. To change this can sometimes require a deep dive into the expectations and assumptions that were given to us at an early age. Therapy is a wonderful opportunity to examine each expectation and assumption and decide whether we need to keep these or discard them, replacing them with something that is a better fit.

This is where a psychotherapist can help you with loneliness. We can help you to identify loneliness as one of the root causes of your mental distress, and then we can then help you to plan how you are going to tackle this. For example, as a result of working together, you might realize that you need to address the quality, not just the quantity, of your connections, so you can make informed choices to better protect your mental health.

Learn more about loneliness here. Alternatively, book online for a free telephone call with me.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey