Mind the gap

If we can't change something, if there is a gap between our expectations and reality, then therapy focuses on the following:

1. Identifying the emotions that arise from that gap. Whether it is disappointment, frustration, sadness or fear, it is all valid. We must first name the emotion before we can work out what to do about it.

2. If the gap between expectations and reality creates such intense feelings that it is getting in the way of our goals (for example, living a more peaceful life), then we need to find strategies to regulate those emotions. This doesn't mean that we should deny our feelings; sometimes we just need to turn down the 'dimmer switch' on those feelings. To do this, there are a wide range of 'regulation exercises', and some can be found on this page, for free.

Let me know if you would like to explore this further. You can book a free callback to see how we could work on this together.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey​