Tired of being misunderstood?

Do you ever say “no” and then feel guilty? Do you wish you could say “no” but don’t know how? You’re not alone. Many of us, especially in high-pressure careers, have learned from an early age to prioritize the convenience or comfort of others over our own needs.
 
To prioritize the needs of others might seem like an easy fix but in the long-term, this can eat away at your mental health. It is impossible to please everyone all of the time, so eventually your anxiety is going to catch up with you. Eventually, you might compromise your needs so much that you lose a sense of self-esteem, and this is a quick route to depression.
 
Assertiveness is the skill of knowing your own limits without the unnecessary guilt. The trouble is, we live in a society where we are expected to ignore our limits and keep giving more and more.
 
You might have learned about assertiveness at one time in your life, but skills tend to become rusty when we don’t practice them. So here are a few reminders to polish up your assertiveness skills:
 
Watch for unnecessary apologies.
Don’t over-explain yourself.
Don’t expect the other person to agree with you.
Focus on “I” statements. For example, “I don’t feel I have capacity for that right now,” rather than “Yet again, you have overburdened me.”
Assertiveness won’t always be possible, especially if there is a significant power imbalance.
Acknowledge that assertiveness can be hard, and it takes practice.
 
If you need a little help with this, get in contact. I am here when you are ready.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
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