Why is a rebellious teenager completely normal?

An important part of adolescence is forming an identity independent of their parents.  To do this, they need to experiment with life outside of the norms and expectations of their parents.  Within the bounds of safety and legality, this is to be welcomed.  But it can be extremely frustrating for the parent.  So here are 5 tips to ride the rebellion rollercoaster –

1. Independence does not mean abandonment.  You need to let them feel the freedom to fail (a little), but not freefall into oblivion.  Remind them that you are available if they need to check anything out with you.
2. Establish a new relationship.  It really will be a new world between the two of you.  It has to be, for them to really develop into a mature person.  So you will need to remain alert to the opportunity to spend time together. This may involve new activities, but at least you are continuing a connection.  It is just a new type of relationship. 
3. Really point out the positives.  Rebellion, or acting out, might be a sign that they are not happy.  It isn’t just about establishing an independent identity.  It is hard to work out what the true motivation is at every given moment, but you cannot go far wrong with compliments, and highlighting when they have achieved something, or taken the initiative
4. If your teenager needs space, give it to them as much as possible.  Try and return much later, then they have calmed down, and when they are ready to listen
5. Let go of the minor stuff.  With all the turmoil that comes with adolescence, they really need a bit of wriggle room.  This means letting go of the small stuff.  And you will need to constantly reassess what you can let go, and what is a bare minimum for them to comply with.  A good way to tackle this is to jointly negotiate this with them.  Hold a family meeting, sharing observations without accusations

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC specializes in psychotherapy for adolescents, and the LGBTQ+ community.  Read more about his work on this page.
His office is located in downtown Ridgewood at 162 E Ridgewood Avenue, Suite 4B, Ridgewood, NJ 07450. 
Easy online booking is available by clicking here. Or feel free to call or email him 201-779-6917 / chris@exploretransform.com