Why relationships feel so hard

As a trauma therapist, I really want you to know this: Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is not a character flaw, it’s a survival strategy.

You survived a harsh environment of neglect, instability, and emotional or physical abuse, so your nervous system adapted to that environment.

I am sure you experience one or more of the following: emotional numbing, hypervigilance, people-pleasing or isolation. These are protective adaptations because your nervous system cannot tell what year it is. It sees, smells, hears, feels things that are similar to that chaotic past, and it believes you are right there in it.

Take, for example, closeness. Someone smiles at you, compliments you, and wants to share more with you. If you have experienced trauma, your nervous system might put you in a freeze response, or you might instinctively avoid that person. Your nervous system is just trying to keep you safe.

The trouble is, your nervous system is responding to historic cues. It doesn’t necessarily reflect your present-day reality. This person who is smiling at you might not mean any harm, so this is where the therapy comes in, where we can slowly learn new ways in relationships with other people.

Let’s work together to remember what feeling safe felt like, and free ourselves from limiting survival adaptations. Book online for a free call from me. Alternatively, you can contact me via this page.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Trauma therapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
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