I am delighted to collaborate with Bergen County Academies to present on The Harm of the Male Label.
Please get in touch if you would like further information chris@exploretransform.com Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com
No matter the gender identity, we all need to understand how we can survive the Male Label. It is well established that the Male Label is associated with an increased risk of the harm, but how much are we trying to understand how we can reduce this harm?
Here are just a few examples of the harm associated with the Male Label -
But these statistics are not inevitable; things can change. Whether you are one of the Male Labelled, or you are concerned about colleagues, employees, friends or family who have been given the Male Label, we all need to understand the Four Tips to Survive the Male Label. Find out more about how you can survive the Male Label
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth
To be effective in any relationship, we need to communicate our emotions and needs.
Sometimes there is no other choice but to ask for something, and sometimes we need to say no. If you are to improve any relationship, at work or at home, you need to know the Seven Sides of Assertiveness. Here is another chance to read my article Seven Sides of Assertiveness. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC, Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth
‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’ (Hamlet, William Shakespeare)
Sometimes conflict is created by no one else but you. Yes, you. You hold fast onto a belief, so hard that you cannot see straight. Or you act on an impulse because, well, emotions are to be acted upon. No matter how strong, how damaging, and how short-lived, you must act on those burning emotions. Right? Wrong. Your thoughts and emotions are yours to do with whatever you will. You can act on them or not, it is your choice. And the more options you are aware of, the more informed that choice really is. Here are five tips to regain control of your thoughts and emotions and stop creating conflict - 1. Bend your mind to alternative perspectives. So much of my work as a psychotherapist involves helping people to develop a more flexible approach to their thoughts. For example, many people make assumptions, and yet this can quickly escalate a situation. Also, many people hold fast to beliefs about how life ‘should’ be, when they have never stopped to consider an alternative way to be. 2. Expose yourself to the emotions you try to suppress. Often avoidance increases problems, so if you assess that what you are avoiding poses no real threat, you need to gently expose yourself to what you fear. 3. Resist the impulse. Some people believe that ‘if I feel it then it must be true’. But just because your emotions tell you to act, does not mean you should. You need to balance your emotions with your rational mind, and make an informed decision. 4. Get in touch with your bodily sensations. Our body serves as a bridge between our thoughts and emotions; it is another source of information. Don't ignore those somatic signals of discontent. 5. Stay mindful, which means anchoring yourself in the present. So much anxiety and depression is fuelled by a focus on a past you can do nothing to change, or a future you do not yet know. And when you do this, you are neglecting the all-important present which can be changed. Does any of this inspire you to explore this further? If so, book a free initial assessment today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com
Are you straight or cisgender, and you wonder how you can be a better ally to the LGBTQ+ community? I often get this question from people who want to support their employees, colleagues, family members, and friends who are part of the LGBTQ+ community.
As I am a psychotherapist who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and I work a great deal with clients who are also part of this community, I feel I have at least some insight to share. However, I cannot claim that I know about the experiences of all members of the LGBTQ+ community. We are all continually learning about each other, and the best approach is to understand a person’s experiences using their own words and labels. We should not make assumptions based on our own preconceived notions. That said, here is another look at an article I wrote a while back, and which might help a little if you would like to be an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. Read my article about becoming an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC, Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth
What is the secret to a healthy life? Is it money or success? A big house or a flash car? When we focus on external gain at the expense of others, and even ourselves, we are task-focused, and this is useful in certain circumstances. (Even our Neolithic ancestors had to focus on the task of fleeing the sabre-toothed tiger, to survive long enough to pass on human life to you.) But this isn’t enough.
To have a healthy life we also need to focus on our own self-respect. We are not just cogs in a wheel or pawns to be played by others. We have thoughts and feelings, and we have a sense of self-respect. So we need to take care of that. But even that is not enough. To truly have a healthy life, we need to connect to others. Connection confirms the edges of our personality; Charles Horton Cooley calls this the Looking-Glass Self; we see ourselves according to how others view us. Connection is so important that neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman claims 'we can make ourselves smarter, happier, and more productive' ‘by 'building on our social intuition'. In addition, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry Dan Siegal says that ‘the more we connect with others and embrace the reality of our interconnected nature, the more we’ll live with meaning, compassion, equanimity, and purpose’. And yet when we were at school we were chastised for whispering to our friends. We were constantly encouraged to redirect our attention to the task at hand. So what about this all-important task of developing human connection? What we were actually being taught at school was that the secret to a healthy life is the ability to strike a balance between these competing demands. We need to continually assess when we need to –
To strike a balance means that we need to become skillful in all three areas, not just one or two. Once we have worked this out, we then need to focus on achieving that objective. Set out below are some tips to help you with that. Tips to help you preserve a relationship
Tips to help you when the objective is the task
When you need to preserve your self-esteem
Life is so much easier when we are true to ourselves as much as we are true to other people. We all need to be heard and understood, even if we don’t all agree. The more we can strike a balance between our tasks, our relationships, and our own self-esteem, the healthier and happier our lives will be. Find out more at www.exploretransform.com Book an initial psychotherapy consultation today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
You wake up with the best of intentions, and then life happens:
You start the day with an open heart and a willing head, and yet you still end up feeling like a scrunched up ball of paper. There are so many demands on your time that it seems inevitable that you will fail. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Life can still pull you in different directions and leave you feeling like a success. And the answer is by looking at your values. Your values are helpful markings on the roadmap of your life, guiding you at every turn. When you next feel torn in several different directions, take a step back and assess what is most important to you. Identify your values for each area of your life. This might vary a little according to the context, but it shouldn’t vary dramatically. We all have a rough idea about how we want each part of our lives to look like. I have set out below a grid for you to use to help identify your values. For each area of your life (home life, wider family, friends, working life, etc) identify the following three things - The vision - This is a generic statement about how you would like each area of our life to look like. For example, you know that you want to be the type of parent who spends at least some time with your kids. You want to be present in their lives, and you want them to know you are there if they really need you. That is the vision. A vision realised – Then for each vision, identify tangible examples of how that vision might be realised. This is the maximum that you need to do to really reflect this vision. For example, being present in your daughter’s life might mean, at a maximum, checking in with her once a day, or watching 80% of her sporting events. It is important to be clear on when this vision would be realised, because we can sometimes overdo things. For example, we probably don’t need to be at every single one of her sporting events, or we don’t need to check in with her five times a day! Having the comfort that we have done enough frees us up for other parts of our life, without the guilt. The boundaries – Finally, for each vision, identify tangible examples of how that vision might be breached. For example, if we attend less than one sporting event a month, this might mean we need to focus more time and energy on this vision.
I hope you find this useful. If you do fill this out, and you realise there need to be changes in your life, you might need help working out how to achieve those changes. Get in contact today to find out how a therapist might help you with this.
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com
Coming out is more common than you think. People often assume that it is a one-time process, or reserved for the teenage years. In reality, it is a perpetual process, and it is experienced by people of all ages. I come out on a regular basis. People make assumptions about my sexuality and gender identity, often because of my wedding ring and the fact that I am a father of two children. So when they start to refer to a wife that does not exist, I have to clarify things.
As it is such a common process, here are a few tips to help if your loved one comes out –
If you need to talk about coming out, sexuality or gender identity, get in contact today. You can book online, and an initial telephone call is free. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC www.exploretransform.com
Emotional pain can get us into trouble:
2. Change your emotions. If your emotional pain does not fit the facts (for example, you are making assumptions about things you do not really know about, or your emotions are out of proportion), then the situation does not need to change. Instead, you need to work on changing your emotions. Your therapist can help you with this, and one approach is to focus on activating your ‘rest and digest’ system (your in-built relaxation device). There are simple exercises, such as deep breathing and visualizations, that you can do to force your body into a more relaxed state – isn’t the human body an amazing work of art! 3. Accept the status quo. If you cannot change the situation, and you cannot change your emotions, you may feel a little better by focusing on acceptance of the status quo. This is not just accepting it in your mind. Instead, you use every part of your body and mind to radically accept that things currently cannot be any different. For example, if you have to work alongside someone who really annoys the hell out of you, you can radically accept this person with every inch of your body; you force a smile, and force positive thoughts and emotions about this person, even if it feels completely unnatural. The idea is that this gives you a sense of freedom, if nothing else. This reminds me of Viktor Frankl’s words: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 4. Stay in emotional pain. According to Marsha M Linehan, the final option is, of course, to do nothing and stay in your emotional pain. That is your choice. If you have been suffering and you need help with this, get in contact today. A confidential initial telephone call is free, and you can book this online. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC www.exploretransform.com
The Male Label is associated with an increased risk of harm. This includes higher rates of -
The reasons for this are complex, but one clear issue is the way we as a society condition people who have been given the Male Label (referred to here as 'the Male Labelled'). We expect the Male Labelled to remain -
Some healthcare professionals pathologize the Male Labebelled, perpetuating the myth that-
When Gender Bias is communicated in the form of the above-mentioned myths, the Male Labelled can end up failing to engage with the help they need (for example, if they view healthcare professionals such as therapists as only available for the Female Labelled). Even worse, the Male Labelled might engage with healthcare professionals but still end up without adequate help because of the Gender Bias perpetuated by our society. One stark example of Gender Bias was demonstrated by research carried out by Sandra and John Condry. They showed one set of participants a recording of a baby in distress, and they labelled the baby 'Male'. This group of participants interpreted the baby's distress as anger and frustration. The Condrys then showed the same recording of the same baby to a different group, labelling the baby 'Female'. This group interpreted the baby's distress as sadness and fear. Consider how differently society responds to perceived anger compared with perceived sadness and fear. The likelihood of getting adequate help reduces considerably when the Male Label intersects with other aspects of a person's identity. For example, if we consider a person's sexuality, true gender identity or ethnicity, we see that the lack of adequate help is further complicated by incidents of
To label someone is a societal convenience, it does not always reflect reality. We need to look beyond a person's labels and see their whole. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist Book a free initial assessment online today www.exploretransform.com
References
*Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men, American Psychological Association, 2018 **DHHS, 1993 ***SAMHSA ****United States Department of Justice, 2011 |
Therapy BlogArchives
October 2022
|