PSYCHOTHERAPY IN RIDGEWOOD, NEW JERSEY
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • TESTIMONIALS
  • CONTACT YOUR THERAPIST
  • FEES
  • BURNOUT
  • LONELINESS
  • POWERLESSNESS
  • EMDR & TRAUMA
  • BOOK ONLINE
  • CLINICAL CONSULTATION
  • CONTINUING EDUCATION FOR CLINICIANS
  • FREE RESOURCES
  • BLOG
best way to find a therapist
Book an Appointment
LEARN MORE

How to anchor yourself

9/22/2023

 
Picture
Epictetus once advised that you shouldn’t moor a ship with just one anchor. The same can be said about the ways you keep yourself feeling safe, calm, and regulated. If you rely on just one or two methods, these can lose their effectiveness. Or we might develop an aversion to them because of overuse, or because of the development of a negative association.
 
According to Polyvagal Theory, when we talk about feeling safe, calm, and regulated, we are referring to the ventral vagal state. This is just one of three different states that the nervous system can be in, the other two being sympathetic (fight/flight) state or a dorsal vagal (shut down) state.
 
Once you recognize when you feel safe and calm, you can use memories of these times to keep your nervous system regulated. Under times of stress, it can be hard to remember that there are times when we have felt open-hearted, curious, joyful, or energized, so your therapist can help you to anchor these, so they are easier to refer to.
 
Think about when you have felt safe and calm, and make a note of who was involved, what you were doing, where you were, and when this occurred. So we don’t rely on just one anchor, think of at least two examples for each of the following categories:
 
Who:               Example: When I am around my closest friends (the “aunties” to my children), I feel safe and calm.
(1)Who makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________
(2)Who makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________
 
What:              Example: When my kids are cuddling into me, or when I feel the purr of my cats.
(1)What makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________
(2)What makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________
 
 
Where:            Example: When I am in my garden and I watch the birds flying around me.
(1)Where do you feel safe and calm: ___________________________________
(2)Where do you feel safe and calm: ___________________________________
 
 
When:             Example: First thing in the morning, when the house is still before anyone wakes up.
(1)When you feel safe and calm: ______________________________________
(2)Who you feel safe and calm: _______________________________________
 
These categories were suggested by Deb Dana in her book Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection, and she encourages you to note these examples of being in your ventral vagal state, making a note on post-it notes that you can stick up around your home.
 
Once you identify these resource memories, you can “tap” these in at least once a day. In other articles I have explained the concept of “butterfly taps” but, by way of a brief recap, this involves gently and slowly tapping your chest with your hands. When you tap your chest back and forth you activate the vagus nerve, which acts as a “brake” on your sympathetic nervous system, slowing and calming your body and mind down.
 
I hope you find this useful. There are plenty more resources on my website, so have a look around. And if anything is unclear, please contact me.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins
Explore Transform LLC
 Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey
 www.exploretransform.com
 +1 (201) 779-6917
    Picture

    Therapy Blog


    Book online
    LEARN MORE

    best way to find a therapist new jersey

    Subscribe in a reader

    RSS Feed


    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    July 2024
    May 2024
    October 2023
    September 2023
    July 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    October 2022
    July 2022
    December 2021
    April 2021
    February 2020
    July 2019
    May 2019
    January 2019

Book an Appointment
LEARN MORE
Counseling & Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey
Picture
Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Covering Bergen County, Essex County, Morris County, Hudson County, Middlesex County, Sussex County, Passaic County, Union County, Somerset County, Warren County, Cumberland County, Hunterdon County, Ocean County, Atlantic County, Salem County, Gloucester County, Mercer County, Cape May County, Camden County, Burlington County, and Monmouth County.

Due to the COVID-19 health crisis, we are only offering sessions online. ​
Our address is 143 E Ridgewood Ave, #1484, Ridgewood, NJ 07450

Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Lead clinician: Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
​EXPLORE TRANSFORM LLC
© COPYRIGHT 2025 CHRIS WARREN-DICKINS.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.  NJ LICENCE # 37PC00618700
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • TESTIMONIALS
  • CONTACT YOUR THERAPIST
  • FEES
  • BURNOUT
  • LONELINESS
  • POWERLESSNESS
  • EMDR & TRAUMA
  • BOOK ONLINE
  • CLINICAL CONSULTATION
  • CONTINUING EDUCATION FOR CLINICIANS
  • FREE RESOURCES
  • BLOG