During Thanksgiving we may become crowded into a room full of people we barely wish to see. Admit it, there are only one or two we really get along with. You might feel the anger bubbling away beneath the surface, but you try to deny it. So what to do with this anger? Overeating and drinking is not a great option. Try this -
First, target your anger. Don’t try and pretend you are not angry, don’t try and shake it. Really focus on it, and admit to yourself that you are angry. I am not advocating confrontation. You do not have to speak of the anger, you simply have to be aware of it, inside your own head and heart. If we try and distort it into something else, hidden anger can lead to unhelpful experiences such as passive-aggression, depression, and procrastination. Once you are clear that you are angry, and why, identify any accompanying emotions. Usually you are not just angry, you are hurt or scared, or you feel there has been an injustice. Why are you hurt? Why are you scared? What injustice do you perceive? To identify the accompany emotions often gets to the heart of the anger, and helps you to see what needs to change. You may need to do nothing, and simply acknowledging the anger, and the accompanying feeling, may lessen the intensity. Even if it does not go away entirely, you can at least experience a little relief from it to enjoy the holiday. Hope this helps. Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking (via the link below) Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online I am delighted to have an article published in 60+ Living (Westwood For All Ages). In 15 years time there will be more people who are over 65 than under 15. On top of increasing health concerns, elders face a significant amount of transitions (for example, bereavement, a change in job status, economic status, or having to move to a different home).
Today, more than ever, we need to prioritise the mental health needs of this part of the population. And we need to recognise that those needs are just as diverse as the rest of the population. Read more here Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC www.exploretransform.com
What is anxiety?
The most simplified definition of anxiety is a ‘fear of a perceived danger’. It can become problematic when the fear is out of proportion to the perceived danger, and/or the anxiety interferes with everyday functioning (for example, academic achievement, peer interaction, sporting activities, etc). How can we detect anxiety in adolescents? Each person is different, but here are some common characteristics to look out for –
What do you do if you suspect your loved one is struggling with anxiety
Telephone - (201) 779-6917 Online booking (via the link below)
It takes a great deal of effort to admit that something is wrong in a relationship. And it takes even more effort to do something about it. Life gets in the way: After your children, career, parents and friends, it is hard to give your relationship any sort of attention. But an unhappy relationship can end up impacting on those other parts of your life, including your children, your career, and your personal wellbeing.
Relationship counseling ("couples therapy") offers you a neutral setting to work through your difficulties. Often it is hard for the people in a relationship to notice patterns of behaviour, so a professional can offer that insight. I will work hard to ensure that all perspectives are heard and understood. The solution can sometimes be as simple as fine-tuning communication patterns within your relationship. Or perhaps there are unresolved issues from your past. Couples therapy is a confidential space to explore those issues, somewhere you can be heard and understood. Sometimes a relationship is dominated by the ‘tyranny of the shoulds’. This phrase was coined by Karen Horney, and it basically suggests that we have an idea of how we should live, how others should treat us, and how society as a whole should be. When our expectations do not match reality, we can end up experiencing distress. In a relationship, there are multiple sets of ‘shoulds’, thereby increasing the risk of distress. To help with this, we need to identify our ‘shoulds’. And we need to identify the 'shoulds' of our loved ones. Then we can negotiate and decide which 'shoulds' are mandatory for the relationship, and which we are willing to concede. I can help you with this. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and I offer counseling and psychotherapy to individuals and couples My office is in downtown Ridgewood: 162 E Ridgewood Avenue, Suite 4B, Ridgewood, Bergen County, New Jersey 07450 Sessions can take place in-person or online Get in contact today. You can telephone or use the online booking system. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Telephone - (201) 779-6917
We can get stuck in a pattern, rehearsing the same old behaviour even when we wish we would change. Sometimes it can help to go back to basics, to look again at our 'ABCs' -
If a Belief causes us distress, perhaps we need to challenge it and decide whether we want to change it in some way. We could choose a different Belief that causes us less distress. Here is what I mean –
By changing to a less absolute Belief, you allow yourself more flexibility. This is a more forgiving approach, and arguably a more realistic viewpoint. Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Online booking (via link below) When something goes wrong, we try to fix it. Whether it is a relationship or work issue, we try our hardest to make it right.
When something cannot be fixed, after trying over and over again, the easiest thing to do is blame yourself. But sometimes things are just not meant continue, and we need to learn how to let go. This is hard to do, and we can work out how to do it respectfully, but you wouldn’t hold onto a broken picture frame when the shards of glass kept hurting you. So why do this to yourself with a relationship or work issue? If you need help with this, or anything else that is troubling you, give me a call to arrange a consultation. (201) 779-6917
Don’t you hate it when you feel like you should be happy, and you are not?
Sometimes the answer is what we are focusing on –
It is hard, though. We often get dragged into the past or future. That is why therapy can help. With a trained professional, you can try and focus on what is in the present, what is coming up for you right now. As you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, you can explore these with your therapists. They might hold the key to a great number of locked doors. A therapist can support you as you unlock and walk through those doors, and discover aspects of yourself that can transform your life. It can be hard to book that first consultation. So here is a video showing you what might happen in a therapy session. The therapist in this video is Carl Rogers, the Founder of Person-Centered therapy. This approach respects your viewpoint, and it does not try to push you into some pre-conceived idea about what is right or wrong for you I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and I offer counseling and psychotherapy to individuals and couples My office is in downtown Ridgewood: 162 E Ridgewood Avenue, Suite 4B, Ridgewood, Bergen County, New Jersey 07450 Sessions can take place in-person or online Get in contact today. You can telephone or use the online booking system. Telephone - (201) 779-6917 Online booking (via link below) A while back I was interviewed by a radio station.
We discussed the fact that men often find it hard to seek help when they are in distress. Here is the interview - https://soundcloud.com/wandsworthradio/wandsworth-tonight-180615 If it is difficult to listen to the interview, here is a quick summary - To seek help, to share the burden, implies that we are admitting defeat, and that we do not have the strength. “We are less of a man.” Instead of seeking help, the statistics suggest that men deal with distress in other ways - 1. Men are nearly three times more likely than women to become alcohol dependent 2. Men are three times as likely to report frequent drug use than women 3. 73% of adults who ‘go missing’ are men 4. 87% of rough sleepers are men 5. Men make up 95% of the prison population 6. Men commit 86% of violent crime 7. Boys are around three times more likely to receive a permanent or fixed period exclusion than girls We need to challenge our perception of men seeking help. Strength has many facets, and it includes emotional awareness, intellectual savvy and tactical planning. It is a sign of strength to learn what our vulnerabilities are, and to work out what our most constructive coping mechanisms are. When we are in distress, this can be difficult to do alone, and so it makes sense, it is a sign of strength, to seek help. Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Chris Warren-Dickins is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person at his downtown Ridgewood, or online If you are feeling low, it is easy to get caught in a vicious cycle: You feel low, so you criticise yourself. Criticising yourself only makes you feel worse, so you attempt to do things to make yourself feel better. If you don’t succeed, you end up criticising yourself again, and feeling even worse. Then it is even harder to break free of the cycle.
Try to break free by accepting yourself for what you are. Once you adopt a more accepting self-talk, you can start to see the way to working out what help you may need. And you can start to accept the help that is on offer. Chris Warren-Dickins LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, Bergen County, New Jersey T: (201) 779-6917 E: chris@exploretransform.com W: www.exploretransform.com
"The feeling of having in the middle of my body a ball of wool that quickly winds itself up, its innumerable threads pulling from the surface of my body to itself" (Franz Kafka).
What is anxiety? Anxiety is more than just a touch of nerves. As we shake and sweat, it feels like adrenaline is flooding our body, and we are left tense and irritable as our thoughts go wild. We are put in a constant state of fight or flight, and so our body is ready for action but our mind is left dazed and confused. Anxiety tends to be organised into the following disorders –
Often anxiety and depression arise together. According to Dr Gregg Henriques, this is because “they both respond to problems in living and functioning”. Henriques explains that “anxiety orients toward future problems to be avoided” and “depression toward past losses and the futility of future investment” (Dr Gregg Henriques). Anxiety on the increase? The Office of National Statistics reports that 20.9% of people rate their anxiety levels at 6 or more out of 10, and Anxiety UK reports that the economic downturn has only made things worse: "What we are finding is that people who might ordinarily have managed their anxiety quite well have been tipped into new territory by being made redundant or having to adapt to new life circumstances" (Nicky Lidbetter). Some argue that we have become more anxious because we have more choices in life. According to Professor Pieter Kruger, “from research we know that people with no choice are significantly more resilient because they can blame life or other people when they make a wrong decision. But if you make a wrong decision having had a range of choice, you have no one to blame but yourself. We become much more obsessive because we want to make the right decision every time”. Arguably an evolution in the way we use technology has served to worsen our anxiety levels. I have previously written an article on digital addiction (please see links section below), and Claire Eastham adds that technology offers us “a window to the world that not only provides a constant stream of news (which in itself can be a cause of anxiety) but also enables me to keep up with anyone from friends to Kim Kardashian”. Is it any wonder that we are anxious? If anxiety attacks, how can we fight back? Here are some ideas -
Dr Gregg Henriques offers the following structure as a starting point in assessing our anxiety (and, in fact, our depression) –
Anxiety is real, and it is horrendous when it takes hold. And perhaps it is on the increase, with the onslaught of a changing economy and ever-evolving technology. But there are ways to fight back. That much is within our control. Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system. Email - chris@exploretransform.com Telephone - (201) 779-6917 https://www.exploretransform.com/ Chris Warren-Dickins is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person at his downtown Ridgewood, or online Online booking (via link below) |
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