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Invalidation of emotions really sucks. Invalidation sends a message that the emotions are not heard, and so this can result in the emotions being escalated. Example: ‘You shouldn’t feel like that because no one else does.’ Your emotions are valid, whether people hear or understand them No? The half of me that has Scottish heritage is crying inside. The point is that, contrary to the song’s message, we don’t have to split up and make life a race to the finish. Could we not take a path that is some place halfway between the high and low roads? In other words, we could try one of those crucial relationship-cementing C-words: compromise. Neither party should silence the other, and even if a decision is made by one person, they need to at least consider the other person’s thoughts and emotions. To form a relationship with one of your travel companions, you do not have to surrender your individuality, any more than you should demand this of someone else. This is, after all, a relationship, and not a power grab. To compromise in a relationship means that you are communicating respect for that other person’s thoughts and emotions. It does not mean that you have to agree with what they think or how they feel, but you should at least respect that these are their experiences. Compromise allows space for the thoughts and emotions of your travel companions. Some refer to this as validation, and when it does not take place, it can lead to a whole avalanche of scary consequences. If you grew up in a household where your caregivers did not understand the concept of compromise, where your thoughts and emotions were constantly invalidated You can end up pursuing more unbalanced, unhealthy relationships where there is a glaring lack of compromise, and your thoughts and emotions are invalidated on a daily basis. You can end up trying to express those thoughts and emotions through other, less helpful, means, such as
As a result, your travel companions are even less likely to strike a compromise with you (not least because you have scared the living daylights out of them with this scary behavior). And so you become invalidated again. If any of this resonates with you, and you need to speak to an experienced psychotherapist, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ), and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com Trauma transforms our nervous system away from connection towards protection. We assume others mean harm, and from this defensive position we fail to see when people might be reaching out with the open hand of friendship. But there is the hope of change. With the right help, we can heal the wounds of our trauma, and learn how to connect again. Many therapists now use what is called Polyvagal Theory, an approach to trauma introduced by neuroscientist Dr Stephen Porges. Polyvagal Theory helps us to understand our nervous system, helping us to see that our bodily responses are understandable, given the trauma we have experienced. With this understanding, we can learn to befriend our nervous system, and from there we can better regulate ourselves. In turn, we can even help to regulate others. Book online to find out more. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com  Studies show that depression and anxiety have increased since the pandemic. Is it any wonder, when it caused so much uncertainty? Many of my clients reported feeling an increased sense of powerlessness, even after the COVID numbers decreased. It was as if their brains had learned two things: 1. to become hyper-vigilant, and 2. to assume that they were powerless to create change. Even after situations appear to improve, depression and anxiety can continue to feature in someone’s life. For many, these challenges to your mental health will subside and then re-emerge as life circumstances continue to challenge you. Sort of like a sports injury that heals but is still a source of discomfort, it gets worse and better depending on the stresses and stains we put on it. However, with the right help, it is possible to lessen the impact of depression and anxiety. It does not have to dominate your life. Get in touch today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com  When intruders broke into the home of reality star Dorit Kemsley, she was petrified that they would hurt her children. Inevitably this is a trauma that needs to be healed, and so she turned to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) to free herself of the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Not long ago, Prince Harry also discussed how much he benefited from EMDR, when his flights back to the UK would trigger him, bringing up traumatic memories of his mother’s sudden death. EMDR is recognized as an 'A' level of treatment for trauma (World Health Organization), and it is recognized by the National Institute for Clinical Excellence as one of two empirically supported treatments of choice for adult Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It is great that more people are speaking openly about their experiences of trauma, and it is even more important that they are showing how they have benefited from empirically supported approaches such as EMDR. If you would like to book an appointment with an experienced EMDR therapist, book online today Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com  A healthy relationship is one that is free from abuse. But abuse can be hard to spot, especially when it involves someone you have known for a long time. There are too many myths about abuse, and this can lead to missed opportunities to spot the dangers before it is too late. We assume certain people are not the ‘type’ to be a perpetrator, and so we fail to spot the signs when they are standing before us. Let’s be clear: Perpetrators of abuse come in all shapes and sizes, of any gender, and they can be someone who you think you know well. Perpetrators can appear charismatic, involved, and helpful members of the community. Know that there are no ‘two sides’ with abusive behavior, and abuse is a sign that the perpetrator has failed. Shame is theirs to carry. Also know that to heal, you do not have to forgive the perpetrator. You do not have to suffer in silence, and you do not have to suffer alone. If you need to speak to an experienced Licensed Professional Counselor about abuse, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com I can't get enough of Stanford Neuroscientist Dr Andrew Huberman's research. It really supports many of the strategies I use with clients to help with their anxiety and panic attacks. For example, meditation and breathing exercises can help people to teach their nervous systems "to be comfortable in uncomfortable states" (Dr Andrew Huberman), putting their brain in an optimal state to function. The trouble is, so many say they don't have time to do this. However, research shows that the recommended 'dose' for meditation/breathing exercises is just 13 minutes a day. Check out Dr Huberman's fascinating video here. Too often we find an excuse to avoid making any changes, and the most common excuse is ‘I don’t have the time’. Stop procrastinating and use the new day for a new way of being. You can do this by getting up 10 minutes earlier than usual, and using that extra time to follow these ten steps - 1. Find a quiet corner of your home (even the bathroom!) 2. Use that quiet corner to settle your attention to each breath as it comes in through your nose, and out through your lips 3. Adopt a sense of curiosity to each breath, and just notice it. 4. Don’t feel you need to change the natural rhythm, you are simply using each breath as an anchor to the present moment 5. If your mind starts to wander, that is okay, just bring it back to your breathing. 6. If you notice strong emotions rising up, just acknowledge them, and return your focus to your breathing. 7. The more you can gain a sense of distance from your thoughts and emotions, the more choice you will have over how to respond to them 8. As you notice each breath you will start to calm your mind and body, and thus helps to reduce the cortisol levels in your body (the stress hormone). 9. Studies show that the long-term build up of cortisol is responsible for heart disease, weight gain, high blood pressure, and a greater risk of a stroke. 10. Repeat this process as many times as you need, so you fill the whole of that extra 10 minutes you have given yourself. Studies show that levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) reduce after a course of mindfulness and meditation. It only takes a handful of minutes to do, so why not make this part of your morning ritual, so you can wake up to better mental health. I have some free mindfulness and meditation exercises on my website, so why not start with these? I hope you find this useful. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist (Licensed Professional Counselor) Ridgewood, New Jersey  There is nothing easy about grief, so it is untrue to say that it ever gets ‘easier’. As life experiences multiply, taking you to deeper levels of connection (through partnership and parenthood, for example), the grief is brought along to that deeper level. No matter how many years pass, that deeper connection brings a more poignant sense of sorrow to know that the people left behind can never share all of this wonder with you. Don’t try to deny or distract people from this grief. Just accompany them downwards on that spiral staircase, and be ready to catch them should they stumble and fall. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com  No matter how much we grow, we continue to need support. Research shows that simple strategies can help to prevent anxiety, depression, and relationship conflict. However, many fathers are unable or unwilling to access mental healthcare to benefit from these strategies. This Father’s Day, encourage your loved ones to seek help when they need to. Book online today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com  Many clients come to me with obsessions or compulsions, otherwise known as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Obsessions are often unwanted images or thoughts such as ‘my family are all going to die a horrible death’. Compulsions are rituals that attempt to alleviate the anxiety or stress as a result of the obsession. For example, ‘my family will suffer a catastrophe if I don’t make sure the dryer door is shut four times’. One in sixty people experience OCD. It is often associated with anxiety and stress, and it can also be associated with trauma. Most of my clients who have experienced trauma benefit from an approach called EMDR, and research shows that this can be an effective approach to OCD. Learn more about how a psychotherapist can use EMDR to help you with OCD. Alternatively, book an appointment online today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood (NJ) and author +1 (201) 779-6917 www.exploretransform.com  |
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Due to the COVID-19 health crisis, we are only offering sessions online.
Our address is 143 E Ridgewood Ave, #1484, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Providing inclusive counseling and psychotherapy for the whole of New Jersey and Maine
Our address is 143 E Ridgewood Ave, #1484, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Providing inclusive counseling and psychotherapy for the whole of New Jersey and Maine
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