Bullies are everywhere, but falling victim to them does not have to be an inevitable part of life.  Although we cannot control the behaviour of others, we can change how we react to them.  Here are 10 top tips to manage the bully -

1.     Watch out for all forms of bullying.  It is not just the overt acts of aggression. It can include words and actions, in-person, over the telephone and/or online
2.     We all have the potential to act in a bullying way.  There is no single type of person who is a bully, and bullying behaviour appears on a spectrum of what initially seems like acceptable behaviour but quickly develops into unacceptable bullying
3.     Try and view the bully as someone who is probably acting in fear.  Aggression, whether it is overt or passive, is born of fear, so if we just see the aggressive behaviour, we have missed a trick.
4.     A bully often feels inferior, and so their behaviour is a way of managing that perceived inferiority.
5.     When you interact with a bully, make eye contact and remain civil, even if the bully has descended into childishness
6.     Try to develop assertive skills.  Assertiveness sits in the middle of aggressive and passive behaviour.  In brief, assertiveness includes an ability to communicate one’s feelings and needs, an ability to ask for things, and an ability to say no
7.     If bullying arises, it is easy to create a scapegoat.  Perhaps one person is seen as ‘the bully’ when the situation has arisen as a result of a number of different people, each in part to blame for the situation
8.     Caricaturise the bully.  In the privacy of your own home, draw him with distorted features and give him a comedic name.  This can offer you distance from his aggression. 
9.     Try all sorts of affirming statements including:  I am choosing to face this person today.  I have the strength to assert my feelings and needs 
10.   Give yourself space when you need it.  If you need to walk away from the situation, ask for more time.  Often an immediate response is not essential

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood New Jersey NJ 07450. 
To book an appointment, please telephone +1 (201) 862-7776 or email chris@exploretransform.com
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There are allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, and there are watercooler conversations about sexual violence.  Unfortunately I have heard so much inaccurate information, I feel compelled to point out a few facts about sexual violence - 

• Sexual violence is about power and control.  If you are focusing on the sexual element of it, you are missing the point
• Sexual violence is not just about rape.  It is a broad definition which differs from state to state, but is generally accepted to include the following.  And note that it includes unwanted sexual comments, attempting to remove someone’s clothing without consent, and exposure of genitalia:  

“Any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic or otherwise directed against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work’
Coercion can encompass:
• varying degrees of force;
• psychological intimidation;
• blackmail; or
• threats (of physical harm or of not obtaining a job/grade etc.).
In addition, sexual violence may also take place when someone is not able to give consent – for instance, while intoxicated, drugged, asleep or mentally incapacitated (World Health Organization (WHO))”

• Amongst certain sections of society, there is a culture of ‘turning a blind eye’ to certain behaviour and language used against females and minorities. If you turn a blind eye to this behaviour, you are aiding and abetting sexual violence
• Men can be survivors of sexual violence as much as women can be perpetrators
• Even if just one person comes forward, and they have evidence to prove that another person engaged in sexual violence, that person is a perpetrator.  It only takes one incident to make that person a perpetrator
• No matter how long ago it happened, it is still sexual violence

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC

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Food has an emotional element to it.  Whether we are turning to it in times of stress, or succumbing to it so that we view it as life’s enemy, we are often caught on an emotional food cycle. 
 
When I was living in England I wrote a guest article for Savoir Fayre nutritionist, and you can read about the emotional food cycle by clicking here -
https://www.savoirfayre.co.uk/guest-post_the_emotional_food_cycle/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood NJ 07450 and Teaneck NJ 07666. To book an appointment, please telephone +1 (201) 862-7776 or email chris@exploretransform.com
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We cannot always change an 'Activating event', but we can change our thoughts (the underlying Beliefs).  As a result, the emotional Consequences may change. 

Simple as ABC? If things are still unclear, book a free 15 minute telephone consultation with Chris Warren-Dickins LPC via https://BookFreeTelephoneConsultation.as.me/
or calling +1 (201) 862-7776 or sending an email to chris@exploretransform.com

Mental Health America emphasises prevention, and this is so important.  We need to act before things get out of hand.  So if you need to talk to someone, even for a short while, make that call. 

The statistics from Mental Health America shows that mental health is still a significant issue in the US - 

"

• 1 in 5 Adults have a mental health condition. That's over 40 million Americans; more than the populations of New York and Florida combined.
• Youth mental health is worsening. Rates of youth with severe depression increased from 5.9% in 2012 to 8.2% in 2015. Even with severe depression, 76% of youth are left with no or insufficient treatment
• More Americans have access to services... Access to insurance and treatment increased, as healthcare reform has reduced the rates of uninsured adults. The greatest decrease in uninsured Adults with mental illnesses was seen in states that expanded Medicaid.
• ...But most Americans still lack access to care. 56% of American adults with a mental illness do not receive treatment. Even in Maine, the state with the best access, 41.4% of adults with a mental illness do not receive treatment.
• There is a serious mental health workforce shortage. In states with the lowest workforce, there is up 6 times the individuals to only 1 mental health professional. This includes psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, and psychiatric nurses combined"