Too often we pass each other by without an acknowledgement of the whole person we interact with.  We view each other as a means to some sort of end, and we forget that we are all united by a basic need to be loved.  I use the term 'love' simply to mean appreciated, or acknowledged for the whole person we are.

We fall into this trap when it comes to a relationship with others, but it is also a trap we lay within ourselves.  We neglect parts of ourselves, and focus on the parts that will only serve us.  But we need to acknowledge the whole of our being, just as we should try and acknowledge the whole of another person.

With this in mind, it would be useful to set aside time now and again to practice what is known as 'Loving Kindness'.  This is a mindfulness technique, and it goes as follows:

Silently repeat to yourself:  May I be well, may I be happy, may all things go well for me. 
Then silently repeat to yourself:  May all other people be well, may all other people be happy, and may all things go well for all other people.

For now, this is enough.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com

Depression is kept alive by two basic assumptions - 

1. That there will always be a negative outcome
2. That you are somehow deficient

Challenge these assumptions by finding evidence to disprove each assumption.  For example, you might be able to find at least one example of when there was a positive outcome.  In addition, you might be able to find at least one small reason to say that you are not deficient.  If you can find one small piece of evidence to disprove each of these assumptions, that means these are not the immutable truths that you once believed them to be.

If you really cannot find any evidence to disprove these assumptions, or you fear that these small pieces of evidence will be crushed by the weight of evidence to the contrary, challenge these assumptions by carrying out a simple cost-benefit analysis:

1. What is the cost to you of holding these assumptions as ‘truths’?
2. What would be the benefit of taking a risk and trying to live as if these were not true?

​What do you have to lose?

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com

Anxiety thrives on isolation.  During those darkened moments alone, the mind is free to wander.  You will start to second guess everything you have done so far, and you will end up fearing the future uncertain.

Even if it seems difficult, try your hardest to reach out to whatever support network you have.  This can be in any form, whether it is a support group, friends or relatives.  Don't try and suffer alone. 

If you have any fears about admitting to your anxiety, perhaps try and challenge the assumptions that may be fuelling these fears.  For example, you might assume that you cannot admit that you feel anxious.  You might assume that you must appear stronger than you really are.  Why?  It is okay not to feel okay.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com

If you are in a relationship, do you recognise the signs of abuse?  People often think of sexual abuse, but there are other forms:  financial, emotional, physical and verbal.  Abuse in a relationship, in any form, is a destructive force.

The first step to protect yourself from this destructive force is to name it.  Once you recognise something as abuse, whether it is financial, emotional, physical, verbal or sexual abuse, you can then start to think about what you are going to do about it.

The most common element in all forms of abuse is the misuse of power to control another person.  Is this happening to you?  If so, is there anything you can do to stop this?  Talking to someone is one option, but a big step in helping this is by recognising it as abuse in the first place.  Once you have done this, you have already taken the first step in regaining control of your life.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
​

A while back I read this article in the Huffington Post, but I keep coming back to it because it really resonated with me.  It explores the concept of leaving a job 'well', whether that is due to a career change, redundancy or retirement.

When I left a legal career to pursue a career in psychotherapy, it would have been easy to polarise the two (psychotherapy as the 'good' career and my former life as a lawyer the 'evil').  But for me a big part of 'leaving well' has been to recognise how invaluable the skills of a lawyer can be, and what a flight of fantasy the concept of 'good' and 'evil' can be!

Have a read of this interesting article and let me know what you think - 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frederick-w-schmidt/on-retiring-and-changing-jobs-leaving-well-as-a_b_7442014.html

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
​

When we are young a script is written for us.  We are told about the world and how we should be. Packaged up in that story is a set of assumptions about how we should live, and how we should view others.  But this story might not fit how we need to live a fulfilling life.

To rewrite the story does not mean failure.  It simply means we are living an authentic life. Silence the unhelpful internal dialogue and retell your own story.  Recast the characters in your, and rewrite the rules for how you believe you and others should live.

​There is still time to rewrite the ending

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com

If food and eating has become an issue for you, you might like to try mindfulness.  Mindfulness helps you to focus on the present.  You become aware of every aspect of what you are doing, even if that is uncomfortable.

Try and notice become aware of your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations at every stage of your encounter with food and eating:
1.  When you anticipate eating
2.  When you purchase food
3.  When you prepare food
4.  When you eat food
5.  After consumption, including the clearing up process. 

Try not to change anything but simply become aware of every aspect of the experience.  Try also to eat a meal silently and slowly, so that you are aware of every part of the process.  What do you notice about the colours, the textures, and your thoughts and feelings as you eat?  Ask yourself how much food you want.  Are you aware of any impulses?  What sensations tell you that you have had enough?
 
If you focus your attention, you might start to see how much control you have over your eating.  

Let me know how you get on with this.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
​

Depression is often the result of ruminating, or going over and over negative thoughts.  If you find that you are caught on a cycle of ruminative thoughts, you might like to try these simple steps - 

1. Try thought stopping:
Visualise an image that will symbolise your thoughts stopping.  Try drawing it and keeping it handy to look at.
Say the word ‘stop’ every time  the ruminative thoughts start to turn again.
 
2.  Replace the empty space that was once those ruminative thoughts by inviting into that space whatever might seem reassuring

Do let me know how you get on with this.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
​

Anxiety often burns through our thoughts, leaving us unable to think clearly.  Try to cool things down by taking a cleansing breath and ask yourself:  'What am I afraid of?'  

To extinguish a fire, you first need to identify the source.  This might be quite complex, and it might take time to discover, but there is usually a way to at least make a start.  Think of ways that you find it easier to communicate.  If talking to someone is difficult, perhaps you could write out your thoughts.  Try and spend ten minutes each day just free writing, without editing what you wright, and without worrying about what anyone might think if they read it.  (You might want to hide the writing away, so no one can find it.)  Alternatively, you could draw out your thoughts and feelings.  Just draw without the idea that it has to resemble anything, other than answering the question you are asking yourself:  'What am I afraid of?'

Once you are clearer about what is making you anxious, start to think about whether the fears are of anything real or imagined.  And if they are of something real, on a scale of 0-100 (0=impossible, 100=certain to happen), how likely is it that this is going to happen?

Let me know how you go with this. I would love to hear from you.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
​

Courage comes from embracing uncertainty.  None of us can control every aspect of our existence, and yet each day we continue to try and achieve this sense of ultimate control.  It is impossible to control everything, and so if we cannot embrace uncertainty, we are bound to feel anxious or depressed at certain points in our lives.  

Counselling offers the opportunity to explore this uncertainty in a safe and confidential setting.  Your counsellor should listen without judging you, and with an open heart and mind, making every attempt to try and understand how you are experiencing the world.  He or she will work with you to try and achieve the change that you would like.  And if things cannot be changed, you can work together to try and accept this. 

Once we loosen the reins a little, once we embrace uncertainty, we can learn to live more freely.  One example might be to look at your 'safety behaviour'.  In what ways do you keep yourself safe?  It might be that you are keeping yourself safe from disappointment, or hurt, or some other perceived danger.  At what cost are you keeping yourself 'safe'?  Weigh up the cost of that safety behaviour compared with the benefit it affords you.  Is it worth the cost?  If not, is there some way you could take a risk and see what happens? 

Another way to embrace uncertainty is to challenge the assumptions you make about yourself and the world you live in.  You might, for example, have unrealistic assumptions that you, and others, can never make a mistake.  Why not?  And what is the worst that could happen?

Have a go, start small, and see how it goes.  

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
​