Fidelity fears?  Remember that you have certain rights in a relationship:

• To be treated with respect
• To express your thoughts and feelings
• To say 'no' without feeling guilty
• To make mistakes
• To change your mind

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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According to recent polls, employees in the UK work an average of 43.6 hours a week, and employees in the US work more than 50 hours a week.  

There is no escaping the need to work, so here are four quick tips to adopt a mindful approach to work stress (or resilience management, if you like!): 
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1. When you wake up, reassure yourself that you are making a choice to go to work
2. Bring yourself into the present during every moment of the working day
3. When you interact with your colleagues, make eye contact and slow down a little to really acknowledge their existence
4. When you return home, become aware of every aspect of that journey.  Even if you have to rush, rush mindfully by remaining aware of the present moment of rushing

I hope this helps.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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A common assumption underpinning depression is:  'I do not have the ability or resources to handle situations.  I am somehow deficient'.

When something negative happens, instead of thinking of all the possible reasons why this might have occurred, someone who is depressed will often assume the negative situation has arisen because of their underpinning assumption that they are deficient.

At this point, it might be useful to consider the wisdom of others.  Is there someone you know who is good at coping with this sort of situation?  If so, what would they do?  How would they think and act in relation to this event?  

And if you are not sure how they cope, why not ask them?  You might be surprised about the assumptions you have made.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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When you feel anxious, thoughts can race through your mind.  You might fear something that is in the future, an impending doom so frightening that it can feel overwhelming.  But it does not have to be.

If you focus on your breathing, you can bring yourself into the present moment.  As you continue to notice your inward breath, and then your outward breath, you will notice the anxious thoughts and feelings coming and going.  Let them bubble up and drift away.  If you keep focusing on your breathing, you will not give the anxious thoughts and feelings fuel to grow.  In time, they will come and go, and you will realise that anxious thoughts and feelings are as temporary as bubbles.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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If you are in a relationship, do you recognise the signs of abuse?  People often think of sexual abuse, but there are other forms:  financial, emotional, physical and verbal.  Abuse in a relationship, in any form, is a destructive force.

The first step to protect yourself from this destructive force is to name it.  Once you recognise something as abuse, whether it is financial, emotional, physical, verbal or sexual abuse, you can then start to think about what you are going to do about it.

The most common element in all forms of abuse is the misuse of power to control another person.  Is this happening to you?  If so, is there anything you can do to stop this?  Talking to someone is one option, but a big step in helping this is by recognising it as abuse in the first place.  Once you have done this, you have already taken the first step in regaining control of your life.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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When we are young a script is written for us.  We are told about the world and how we should be. Packaged up in that story is a set of assumptions about how we should live, and how we should view others.  But this story might not fit how we need to live a fulfilling life.

To rewrite the story does not mean failure.  It simply means we are living an authentic life. Silence the unhelpful internal dialogue and retell your own story.  Recast the characters in your, and rewrite the rules for how you believe you and others should live.

​There is still time to rewrite the ending

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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If food and eating has become an issue for you, you might like to try mindfulness.  Mindfulness helps you to focus on the present.  You become aware of every aspect of what you are doing, even if that is uncomfortable.

Try and notice become aware of your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations at every stage of your encounter with food and eating:
1.  When you anticipate eating
2.  When you purchase food
3.  When you prepare food
4.  When you eat food
5.  After consumption, including the clearing up process. 

Try not to change anything but simply become aware of every aspect of the experience.  Try also to eat a meal silently and slowly, so that you are aware of every part of the process.  What do you notice about the colours, the textures, and your thoughts and feelings as you eat?  Ask yourself how much food you want.  Are you aware of any impulses?  What sensations tell you that you have had enough?
 
If you focus your attention, you might start to see how much control you have over your eating.  

Let me know how you get on with this.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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Depression is often the result of ruminating, or going over and over negative thoughts.  If you find that you are caught on a cycle of ruminative thoughts, you might like to try these simple steps - 

1. Try thought stopping:
Visualise an image that will symbolise your thoughts stopping.  Try drawing it and keeping it handy to look at.
Say the word ‘stop’ every time  the ruminative thoughts start to turn again.
 
2.  Replace the empty space that was once those ruminative thoughts by inviting into that space whatever might seem reassuring

Do let me know how you get on with this.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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Anxiety often burns through our thoughts, leaving us unable to think clearly.  Try to cool things down by taking a cleansing breath and ask yourself:  'What am I afraid of?'  

To extinguish a fire, you first need to identify the source.  This might be quite complex, and it might take time to discover, but there is usually a way to at least make a start.  Think of ways that you find it easier to communicate.  If talking to someone is difficult, perhaps you could write out your thoughts.  Try and spend ten minutes each day just free writing, without editing what you wright, and without worrying about what anyone might think if they read it.  (You might want to hide the writing away, so no one can find it.)  Alternatively, you could draw out your thoughts and feelings.  Just draw without the idea that it has to resemble anything, other than answering the question you are asking yourself:  'What am I afraid of?'

Once you are clearer about what is making you anxious, start to think about whether the fears are of anything real or imagined.  And if they are of something real, on a scale of 0-100 (0=impossible, 100=certain to happen), how likely is it that this is going to happen?

Let me know how you go with this. I would love to hear from you.

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com

Courage comes from embracing uncertainty.  None of us can control every aspect of our existence, and yet each day we continue to try and achieve this sense of ultimate control.  It is impossible to control everything, and so if we cannot embrace uncertainty, we are bound to feel anxious or depressed at certain points in our lives.  

Counselling offers the opportunity to explore this uncertainty in a safe and confidential setting.  Your counsellor should listen without judging you, and with an open heart and mind, making every attempt to try and understand how you are experiencing the world.  He or she will work with you to try and achieve the change that you would like.  And if things cannot be changed, you can work together to try and accept this. 

Once we loosen the reins a little, once we embrace uncertainty, we can learn to live more freely.  One example might be to look at your 'safety behaviour'.  In what ways do you keep yourself safe?  It might be that you are keeping yourself safe from disappointment, or hurt, or some other perceived danger.  At what cost are you keeping yourself 'safe'?  Weigh up the cost of that safety behaviour compared with the benefit it affords you.  Is it worth the cost?  If not, is there some way you could take a risk and see what happens? 

Another way to embrace uncertainty is to challenge the assumptions you make about yourself and the world you live in.  You might, for example, have unrealistic assumptions that you, and others, can never make a mistake.  Why not?  And what is the worst that could happen?

Have a go, start small, and see how it goes.  

Chris Warren-Dickins BACP Registered Counsellor
E:  chris@exploretransform.com
T:  07816681154
W: www.exploretransform.com
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