What is anxiety?
The most simplified definition of anxiety is a ‘fear of a perceived danger’.  It can become problematic when the fear is out of proportion to the perceived danger, and/or the anxiety interferes with everyday functioning (for example, academic achievement, peer interaction, sporting activities, etc).

How can we detect anxiety in your loved ones?  
Each person is different, but here are some common characteristics to look out for –

• Behaviour - For example, excessive use of electronic devices such as social media, avoiding school, withdrawal from sporting activities, reduced social interaction, and sleeplessness
• Mind and feelings - For example, irritability, expressing negative thoughts, or crying more often
• Body - For example, headaches, heart racing, and stomach aches

 
What do you do if you suspect your loved one is struggling with anxiety?

• Start with what, not why – When you talk to them, describe what you have noticed in your loved one, rather than trying to rush into an explanation or assumption as to why they might be acting this way
• Show them you are available for them if they feel able to explain what is going on.
• Empathise – Try to understand things from their perspective, and show them you are trying to do this
• Normalise – Explain that anxiety is a normal reaction to perceived danger, but it can sometimes get out of hand if you don’t get a little help
• Structure some sort of stability – Because for anxious people change or uncertainty is difficult.  For example, try and incorporate a regular routine such as the same time for bed each night, or the same place to visit each week (such as a relaxing outdoors walk, or a trip to the cinema)
• Look for any root causes – For example, bullying via social media, academic struggles, or a recent transition (such as moving house, or starting a new sporting activity)
• Develop their resourcefulness and resilience – Demonstrate where they have used their resources before, and build on that.  Give them opportunities to practice, for example, letting them request things, rather than speaking or doing things for them.  Sometimes a behavioural diary can help, to keep a track of their increasing resourcefulness and resilience

​Get in contact today.  You can telephone or use the online booking system.
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
exploretransform.com

When you experience a stressful event, your brain can keep you stuck there, still experiencing the emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations.  Even if the stressful event happened many years ago.

A type of therapy called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) can help you to escape this stressful event and learn to live fully in the present.

EMDR in brief
EMDR helps people to heal from stressful experiences.  The idea is that sometimes things get stuck in the brain, and with the help of EMDR, the blockage is removed, and the brain starts to heal. 

When I use EMDR, I stimulate your brain’s natural healing system to resolve the stressful experiences.  The stressful experiences are resolved because, with the help of EMDR, your brain can finally process those stressful experiences.  You are no longer overwhelmed by those experiences.

EMDR in more detail
These are the three parts of your brain that communicate with each other -   

• Amygdala – Your alarm system, telling you when something is wrong
• Hippocampus – Holding memories about things like what is dangerous and what is safe
• Prefrontal cortex – This controls your emotion and behaviour

In response to a stressful event, your brain tends to tell you to do one of three things –

• Fight
• Flee
• Freeze

If your brain has not had a chance to process a stressful event, your brain can get stuck in one of those three responses (fight, flight or freeze).

EMDR involves moving your eyes from left to right, a process similar to REM sleep.  If you don’t like this eye movement, we can use ‘tappers’ (a small machine that you hold in your hands and sends subtle pulsing sensations from left to right).

EMDR helps your brain to process those stressful experiences, so they are not stuck in a way that overwhelms you.  As a result, you change your beliefs about the event and about yourself.  For example –

• Before EMDR – You may have viewed the event as overwhelming, and you may have viewed yourself as ‘unsafe’ or ‘defective’
• After EMDR – You may no longer view the event as overwhelming, because it is in the past, and you are not vividly reliving the events.  And you may view yourself as ‘safe now’ or ‘effective and resourceful now’.

Before any reprocessing takes place, we will also work hard to identify and strengthen any ground and calming resources, so that you never feel overwhelmed.

I am a member of EMDR International Association, and they have put together a video to help you understand EMDR. 

Emotional pain can get us into trouble: 

• We lash out at the people we love
• We detach from our emotions so much that we lose a sense of who we really are
• We try to numb our emotional pain with food, alcohol or drugs
• We throw ourselves into work in the hope that it might distract us from our pain

If you talk to a therapist about your emotional pain, one helpful task is to search for ways to regulate your emotions. Psychologist Marsha M. Linehan claims there are four ways to do this.  What do you think of these suggestions?  –

1. Change the situation. 

Does your emotional pain fit the facts?  Are you viewing reality, or are you making assumptions?  If your emotions fit the facts, your emotions are communicating an important message: The situation needs to change, and so you need to engage in a bit of problem-solving to make that change.  You may need the help of your therapist to figure out how you are going to achieve that change, and what you are going to do if you cannot make any changes. 
 
2.  Change your emotions. 
If your emotional pain does not fit the facts (for example, you are making assumptions about things you do not really know about, or your emotions are out of proportion), then the situation does not need to change.  Instead, you need to work on changing your emotions.  Your therapist can help you with this, and one approach is to focus on activating your ‘rest and digest’ system (your in-built relaxation device).  There are simple exercises, such as deep breathing and visualizations, that you can do to force your body into a more relaxed state – isn’t the human body an amazing work of art!
 
3.  Accept the status quo.  
If you cannot change the situation, and you cannot change your emotions, you may feel a little better by focusing on acceptance of the status quo.  This is not just accepting it in your mind. Instead, you use every part of your body and mind to radically accept that things currently cannot be any different.  For example, if you have to work alongside someone who really annoys the hell out of you, you can radically accept this person with every inch of your body; you force a smile, and force positive thoughts and emotions about this person, even if it feels completely unnatural.  The idea is that this gives you a sense of freedom if nothing else. This reminds me of Viktor Frankl’s words:  “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:  the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
 
4.  Stay in emotional pain.
According to Marsha M Linehan, the final option is, of course, to do nothing and stay in your emotional pain.  That is your choice.
 
If you have been suffering and you need help with this, get in contact today.  A confidential initial telephone call is free, and you can book this online. 
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com

Seeking help can feel like a leap in the dark.  And if you are struggling with depression, anxiety, or relationship conflict, making an informed decision about the right therapist may seem like an insurmountable obstacle.

Let's make this easy for you.  Book online today and psychotherapist Chris Warren-Dickins will give you a telephone call to answer any questions you may have.  This is an opportunity for you to get free advice about how best to move forward.  Don't let those stuck feelings drag you down.  Book online today.

www.exploretransform.com

Parenting is really hard.  No brainer!  But how do you know when your child is presenting a real issue that needs extra help, rather than a minor blip that can be left to correct itself? 

I spoke to speech therapist Laura Grube, and we discuss this and many other questions.  Stay tuned to watch the finalised video

Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist
https://www.exploretransform.com/

It was an absolute pleasure to speak to Dr Olga Noskin MD of the Neurology Group of Bergen County. We covered EMDR therapy, neurology, and many more ways to help people live to their full potential.
Stay tuned to watch the finalised video!

Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist

https://www.exploretransform.com/

Do you have questions about trauma and addiction? If so, send them today! I will soon release an interview with the brilliant Jamie Willis, an addiction counselor who has worked in the UK and Asia.

I met Jamie in the UK, when he was managing the drug and alcohol service at London Friend, an LGBTQ+ counseling agency. I was the annoying therapist who kept using his computer to print my client notes! 

Watch this space for the full interview. You don’t want to miss it!

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
www.exploretransform.com