There is no doubt that we are now deeply immersed in a digital world.  But to what extent can we say that there is such a thing as ‘digital addiction’?

A generally accepted definition of addiction is: ‘Not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you’.  Arguably, this definition could apply equally to a person’s use of digital devices (such as smartphones) as it does to a person’s use of drugs or alcohol.  But others disagree.  In an article in the New Yorker, Maria Konnikova points out that there is a distinction to be made between ‘substance addictions’ and other types of addiction, and the key difference is that ‘a substance affects a person physically’ because ‘something new’ has been introduced to your ‘bloodstream’ in a way that other behaviour does not. 

Unlike addiction to substances, digital addiction is often categorised as a ‘behavioural addiction’, along with other types of behaviour such as gambling addiction.  However, unlike gambling addiction, digital addiction was not included in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).  Some say that this is simply because we are in the early days of digital devices, and it is only a matter of time before we gather sufficient evidence to support its inclusion.  But as Konnikova pointed out in her article, ‘there’s something different, and more complicated’ about digital addiction:  ‘Unlike gambling’, the internet ‘is a medium, not an activity in and of itself. If you spend your time gambling online, maybe you have a gambling addiction, not an Internet addiction. If you spend your time shopping online, maybe it’s a shopping addiction’.

No matter what the conclusion of this debate, the job of the psychotherapist would be to work with a client to explore the following questions:

• What does this behaviour mean to the client?
• Has the client lost control of their use of digital devices?
• Is this behaviour harmful?

Often when these questions are explored, a key lightbulb moment is the realisation that the client is no longer in control of their behaviour.  The harm is often obvious, and it is sometimes the reason they have come for psychotherapy, but it is only when they realise that they no longer have control over their behaviour that they accept that they are addicted.

So how can a psychotherapist help someone who is addicted? 

• A lack of connection and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)–

In an article in Huffington Post, Johann Hari suggested that addiction was a person’s reaction to a lack of connection.  In his article Hari quoted Professor Peter Cohen when he said:  ‘Human beings have a deep need to bond and form connections’ and ‘if we can't connect with each other, we will connect with anything we can find -- the whirr of a roulette wheel or the prick of a syringe. He says we should stop talking about 'addiction' altogether, and instead call it 'bonding.' A heroin addict has bonded with heroin because she couldn't bond as fully with anything else.  So the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection’. 

A psychotherapist might explore with the client whether this is something that rings true, and if it is, the client can look at alternative ways to create that connection.  This is likely to be an approach followed by a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist as they focus on a client’s thoughts or assumptions.  Cognitive Behavioural Therapists offer their clients the opportunity to identity their thoughts or assumptions (for example, through Socratic questioning), and once these have been identified, they are able to challenge (and sometimes change) the unhelpful thoughts and assumptions.

• The addiction cycle and the multimodal approach –

Some clients find it helpful to look on addiction as a cycle, and by viewing it this way, they can see how to break that cycle.  Arnold Lazarus, who used what is known as a multimodal approach to therapy, referred to addiction in this way.  He said that ‘the individual in stress situations makes a number of different responses, one of which might be’ engaging in certain behaviour ‘which affords him temporary relief.  Repetition...eventually leads to a conditioned response between stress and’ further engagement in that behaviour.  ‘This may soon occasion feelings of guilt ... which in turn adds to the already mounting stress.  This 'self-perpetuated stress' precipitates further behaviour, which in turn creates the addiction.

Lazarus argued that this vicious cycle must be broken at several strategic points, and so he suggested the multimodal approach, which examines a client’s addiction from each of the following perspectives (BASIC ID):  Behaviour, affect (feelings), sensations, imagery, cognition, interpersonal relationships and drugs.

• Mindfulness –

Some clients find mindfulness to be a useful approach to an addiction.  Mindfulness starts from a place of awareness, so the client is simply noticing how they are with their digital devices, they are not trying to change anything.  In order to really become aware of what is going on for the client when they use their digital devices, it might be useful for them to reflect on the following questions –

• How did they feel when they were using the device?
• Did they notice any particular thoughts arising?
• What was going on for them at the time? (For example, was anything happening in their physical environment?)

They should ask the above questions at each of the three following stages –

• Before they used their digital device
• Whilst they used their digital device
• After they had used their digital device

​Whether we like it or not, we are now immersed in a digital world, but that does not mean we have to drown.  No matter what the official term for digital addiction, if this behaviour has become harmful, and we do not have control, we can take control by talking to a trained expert.  We cannot change anything we are not aware of, so the first part of this will involve becoming fully aware of our behaviour, the underlying thoughts and assumptions that drive that behaviour, and the resulting feelings.  Once we are fully aware of all of this, we can look at changing our thoughts and assumptions, our behaviour, and ultimately the feelings that flow from these. ​​

Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
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#mentalhealth

Sometimes just the thought of food can leave us feeling overwhelmed.  It can be the enemy, our only friend, or the annoying pest who just appears everywhere we look. 

Here are 10 top tips to help you manage food addiction.  It is a starting point, and talking to a trained professional can help build on these initial steps
​

1. If you have lost control of the amount of food you eat, and it has become harmful, you are addicted to food
2. Maintaining a food diary can help you to see, in black and white, your habits around food.  Sometimes we distort reality by merely thinking about it, but writing it down makes it more concrete 
3. Really challenge yourself to reflect on what food means to you.  Is it merely fuel to survive, or is it a means of coping with difficult times? 
4. Try to identify the ‘hot spots’ when it comes to food.  Do you tend to reach for chocolate during times of stress?  Do you tend to overdo it on coffee first thing in the morning? 
5. Once you are aware of the hot spots, you can put things in place to make a change. For example, if you anticipate a stressful period, try to schedule a relaxing run at the gym, rather than relying on the chocolate bar
6. Try to identify the ‘maintaining factors’ that keep you caught in this food addiction. For example, are you in a relationship where food is also an issue for that partner?  Working together to manage this can often work much better than trying to go it alone
7. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you to examine the thoughts and assumptions that are attached to food.  For example, you might catastrophise each time you give into the temptation of having more food.  You might overlook the moments when you have managed to resist the problematic food.
8. Adopt a kinder voice.  Try to congratulate yourself for the times you were able to resist, rather than constantly punishing yourself for the slipups.  The trouble with punishment is that is fuels the guilt, which may ultimately lead you to eat more in an attempt to feel better
9. You can learn from the positives.  Instead of focusing on all the times you ate chocolate, when did you not?  Do you notice any patterns about those positive moments when you did not eat the problematic food?  You might learn from these moments how to set up more of the same, and increase your chance of breaking the cycle of addiction
10. Mindfulness can help you to become aware of the present moment, and this can reveal what might otherwise have become automatic behaviour (for example, reaching for the nibbles during a television programme or as you read an article about food addiction)

Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
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If you only feel good about yourself when you achieve something, you are fighting a losing battle. Albert Ellis called this an ‘irrational belief’ which is bound to cause emotional distress.
 
We all fail, and we learn from our mistakes, so try and align your sense of self-worth with the actual fallible you.  not some idealised future-never-going-to-happen you.

​Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
#counselor
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“Toxic masculinity.”  I often hear this phrase, and it was in frequent use last year, when the American Psychological Association (APA) released its guidelines for working with boys and men.  One of the key messages from the guidelines was that men infrequently seek help for emotional distress, and instead turn to unhelpful coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse and violence. 
 
It is true that there is a problem with men and how they cope with emotional distress.  But we are not going to find a solution by pathologising men with over-simplistic labels. In an interview carried out by WNYC, Dr Matt Englar-Carlson (Professor at California State University) makes this point –
 
“Toxic means poison.  Men are not poisonous… But men do things, or they have beliefs, that hold us back in our lives, that prevent us from being more intimate, more connected, or more involved as fathers, or more involved in friendships.  We are too involved with judging ourselves as not being adequate.  There is a sign in our office that says ‘We never beat ourselves up gently’… Let’s pay attention to what is good about men, and what gets in our way, that hinders a fuller expression of our humanity.”
 
To really tackle this issue, we need to understand not pathologies.  We need to examine how society is set up, and how we condition our boys and men.  We all play a part in preventing men’s fuller expressions of humanity, so we can all play a part in enabling it.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
Online booking - https://square.site/appointments/book/9DTVNB35D9HWM/chris-warren-dickins-llb-ma-lpc-ridgewood-nj
https://www.exploretransform.com/mens-counseling.html
​

1.     There is no shame in an affirmation or two.  Even if you have to write it on a postit note, and keep it on your pocket, remind yourself of the phrases that might lift your spirits every working day.  A simple one might be:  I am good enough.  Or how about:  There is more to me than my working life
2.     Wasted energy.  A great deal of energy is put into worrying about work, or complaining about how it could be a better place.  Try to focus on what you can change.  And if you cannot change it, put your energy into something else
3.     The anguish of indecision.  Sometimes it is more uncomfortable to dwell on the ‘what ifs’.  If you have decided to stay in a job, accept that decision and move on
4.     Focus on tasks, not projects.  There may be an unending ‘to do’ list, and this will feel overwhelming if you try and tackle a whole project.  Break that project into manageable tasks or goals, and make sure each goal passes the test of being:  Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timebound (or ‘within a timeframe’)
5.     Diarise.  Work will feel overwhelming if you believe that everything has to be done all at once.  Deliberately schedule different tasks for different days.  Do the same with your email folders.  Don’t let emails fill up your inbox.  Put them in folders, and then choose a day to focus that topic
6.     Boundaries.  We all would like to be liked.  But sometimes it is difficult to accept that your work colleagues might not really care about you as a friend or relative might.  Show a friendly interest in your colleagues, but it might be helpful to refrain from blurring that boundary between your working life and your home life
7.     A mindful approach.  If we throw ourselves into work with resentment, or we try to detach ourselves from it, eventually we will make a mistake.  Try to adopt a mindful approach to each task, bringing awareness to each moment
8.     Sweat it out.  Exercise is essential if you are experiencing stress.  It does not have to be a marathon, exercise includes a brisk walk.  As long as you are experiencing an increase in heartrate, and perhaps working up a little bit of a sweat, you are on the right path
9.     Carve out time for yourself.  It could be as little as a short walk at lunch time, or even the journey into work, but allow yourself time to do something for yourself.  It could be listening to your favourite music, or reading fiction.  Try to resist filling every moment with work, as the law of diminishing return dictates that you will end up less effective as a result
10.                        Assertiveness is key.  All relationships, including a working relationship, require assertiveness skills.  There are a whole range of assertiveness skills but these include an ability to communicate clearly, succinctly, and learn how to ask for things, and how to say no. It is also an ability to recognise when your behaviour might have become aggressive or passive
Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
#counselor
#mentalhealth

When it comes to sexual violence, misleading information can lead to disastrous consequences.  Survivors of sexual violence can end up without any recourse to justice, because they are not believed, or not understood.  And perpetrators can remain free to perpetrate again.

​It is important, therefore, to set out a few clear facts about sexual violence - 

• Sexual violence is about power and control. If you are focusing on the sexual element of it, you are missing the point
• Sexual violence is not just about rape. It is a broad definition which differs from state to state, but is generally accepted to include the following. And note that it includes unwanted sexual comments, attempting to remove someone’s clothing without consent, and exposure of genitalia:  
• “Any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic or otherwise directed against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work’
• Coercion can encompass: 
• • varying degrees of force; 
• • psychological intimidation; 
• • blackmail; or 
• • threats (of physical harm or of not obtaining a job/grade etc.). 
• In addition, sexual violence may also take place when someone is not able to give consent – for instance, while intoxicated, drugged, asleep or mentally incapacitated (World Health Organization (WHO))”
• Amongst certain sections of society, there is a culture of ‘turning a blind eye’ to certain behaviour and language used against females and minorities. If you turn a blind eye to this behaviour, you are aiding and abetting sexual violence
• Men can be survivors of sexual violence as much as women can be perpetrators
• Even if just one person comes forward, and they have evidence to prove that another person engaged in sexual violence, that person is a perpetrator. It only takes one incident to make that person a perpetrator
• No matter how long ago it happened, it is still sexual violence

If you find the subject matter of this stressful in any way, take time out to look after yourself in whatever way you can. That might include taking a break from the news, social media, listening to relaxing music, prayer, meditation, losing yourself in a book of fiction, watching an uplifting television programme, or whatever allows you to disconnect from this subject matter for a while. Just long enough to regain your strength.

If you need to talk to someone, then seek help from a trained professional. 
If you would like to talk to me, you can contact me on the details set out below.  I have trained with Survivors UK to work with survivors of sexual violence. 
If you would prefer to speak to a female, I can put you in touch with someone.
Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.

Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
#counselor
#mentalhealth
#onlinetherapy

Anxiety is complex, and the best approach is to talk to a trained professional. But we all need a starting point.  So have a look at these top 10 tips for anxiety to start the process -

1. Anxiety is an umbrella term covering a number of different disorders (including Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, phobic anxiety disorders, panic disorders, social anxiety disorder, etc)
2. Anxiety can sometimes tell you that something in your life needs to change.  Perhaps it is an unhealthy relationship, or it might even be something in your work life
3. Anxiety and depression often arise together, with slightly differing perspectives (anxiety tends to concern the future, and depression tends to focus on the past)
4. Anxiety can often arise when we have the mistaken believe that worrying about something is working on that issue, that worrying is somehow going to achieve change
5. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is often offered to help manage anxiety.  This helps you to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns that might increase anxiety
6. Mindfulness can be useful, not least because it helps you to stop thinking about the future, and instead to just focus on the present.  As a starting point, you can attempt to do this by focusing on your breath
7. Set aside time to relax.  Put away electronic devices such as smart phones, and give yourself the space you need to stop worrying about the future
8. Some say that the more choices we have in life (with developments in technology, etc), the more anxious we get
9. Adopt a kinder voice when things don’t necessarily go to plan.  Sometimes there is an important learning opportunity in what you believe to be a ‘failure’
10. Anxiety can often leave us with the belief that we have no control over anything in our lives.  Remind yourself of all the aspects of your life where you are in control

​Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
#counselor
#mentalhealth

If we feel anxious, we perceive dangers, and we often believe that we are unable to cope with that feared situation.  Often this is a fallacy, and there is little to fear, and we actually have the ability we doubt.
 
The more we avoid a situation, the more anxiety takes whole.  Therapists help people to reduce their anxiety by gradually exposing them to the situations they fear
 
You can read more about managing anxiety by reading one of the following books -

• Jon Kabat Zinn.  Full Catastrophe Living
• ​David Burns.  The Feeling Good Handbook

Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are available in-person, or online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
#counselor
#mentalhealth
​

Suicide rates are higher amongst men (AFSP:  “in 2017, men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women”), and yet men are less likely to seek help for emotional distress (NIMH).

Studies show that there are no biological reasons why men seek help less often than women, so this must be learned:  Men are taught not to seek help, but instead to remain silent.

The NFL has recognised how deadly this silence can be.  Last year the NFL released a report setting out the results of interviews with players and family members.  A key finding was that there were several barriers in the way of players seeking help for their difficulties with mental health.  These barriers included “fear that seeking help would negatively affect their careers”, “stigma around mental health challenges that keep players from seeking help”. 

Also last year, the Carolina Panthers hired the NFL’s first in-house therapist (Tish Guerin) to tackle the stigma surrounding mental health and professional football.  This was hot on the heels of an essay shared by the Panthers’ Steve Smith.  In this essay he opened up about his struggle with depression:  “Despite all of my achievements, I routinely felt trapped, inferior, and alone.”

Guerin has been quoted as hoping that a regular checkup with a mental health professional becomes as commonplace as a woman’s checkup with her Ob-Gyn.  That would definitely be a step in the right direction.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://square.site/appointments/book/9DTVNB35D9HWM/chris-warren-dickins-llb-ma-lpc-ridgewood-nj

Chris Warren-Dickins is a Licensed Professional Counselor (Psychotherapist) with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online

We carry around a multitude of coping skills, but sometimes we forget we even have them.  It  can be as simple as smiling at people, laughing with your friends, reading a book, or taking a walk.

What is your favorite coping skill?  Why not try a new one out?  And dust off an old one, to imprint it in your memory, so you know you can use it the next time things get tough
Get in contact today. You can send an email, telephone, or use the online booking system.
 
Email - chris@exploretransform.com
Telephone - (201) 779-6917
https://www.exploretransform.com/
Online booking https://www.therapyportal.com/p/cwarrendickins/

Chris Warren-Dickins LPC , Licensed Professional Counselor with an office at 162 E Ridgewood Ave, Ste 4B, Ridgewood, New Jersey. Sessions are also available online
#chriswarrendickins
#ridgewood #depression #anxiety #angermanagement #trauma #relationships #stress #counseling #bergencounty #newjersey #therapy #Support #psychotherapy
#counselor
#mentalhealth