Stress, anxiety, anger, depression, hopelessness, despair… These are all emotions that can seem to be out of your control. When they become intense, you can end up feeling trapped and alone.
Here is one way to take control of your emotions, and it comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an approach developed by Marsha Linehan. Quite simply: If you are feeling stress or anxious or angry or depressed or hopeless or whatever other emotion, Check the Facts. How to Check the Facts
If your emotions do not fit the facts, or it is not wise to act on your emotions, you need to act opposite to your emotions. For example, if you feel intensely angry at your boss and you have chosen not to communicate this anger (because there is nothing that can change about your job), you will need to force yourself to do everything that would be the complete opposite to what your emotions are telling you to do. This could include some or all of the following -
Alternatively, when your emotions fit the facts, problem-solve instead of acting opposite. You can find out more about problem-solving here. Let me know how you get on with this. If you still need help, get in contact. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Your brain is a marvelous thing; it has many different layers and functions, and this offers us an opportunity to be flexible and creative when it comes to resolving your problems.
A useful starting point with all of this is to understand our brain in three different ways -
When you work with a therapist to resolve problems, we can help you by using one of two approaches to therapy:
Whichever the approach, we are here to help you. Get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com When I work with clients in conflict, often we need to clarify what constitutes abusive behavior. Sometimes there is a reluctance to categorize non-physical abuse as abusive, but it can be no less harmful.
To label behavior ‘abuse’ can help someone make an informed choice about what they need to do next. Often this decision-making process is informed by someone’s values and the pros and cons involved. Once someone sees that the other person’s behavior is abusive, this can often tip the balance so that someone takes steps to keep them safe. Psychologist Beverly Engel offers the following pointers to decide whether the behavior amounts to abuse -
If you need help with this, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com The jury is out about the exact definition of a Sociopath. Most would agree, however, that it is like a bad smell: You know it when it is there, and it just seems to linger. Ugh.
No matter how reasonable you try to be, how calm your tone, how much you try and accommodate this person's wishes, they are still unreasonable, obtuse, obstructive, heartless, narcissistic, and a whole list of other things. You deserve better, so here are five tips to manage the Sociopath -
Find out more about how to keep yourself safe and healthy in a world of chaos. Book online today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com In a relationship you bring your own baggage. You may feel more easily triggered, or scared, or angry, in certain situations that are beyond the control of your loved one(s).
When it comes to your emotions, there are no rights or wrongs. You feel how you feel, but it is how you act on it, and how you communicate those emotions, that counts. This is where boundary-setting comes in. Boundaries help you to establish the space within which you can -
One approach to all of this is to use DEAR skills to set boundaries with love. DEAR skills were developed by Marsha Linehan, who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Here is a quick three-minute run-down on using DEAR skills to set boundaries with love -
If DEAR skills are new to you, start slowly. Try one or two parts of it the next time you need to set your boundaries with love. If you have any questions, get in touch. Find out more about relationship conflict. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Have you ever met someone you like so much that you overlook some of their flaws? Or you find out, to your disappointment, that they do not share your values or political effect? If so, you have suffered from the dazzling blindness of the Halo Effect.
This is a concept that can arise in any context, whether it is a personal or work relationship. You like someone, and your overall view of them leads you to blind spots. This can even happen in education, where teachers and lecturers assume students they like are more intelligent than they really are. Once you realize this, the disappointment can cause conflict in that relationship. After all, you assumed that this person was an angel, and so the fall from grace (to find out they are a mere mortal) can be a painful moment. Here are a few tips to manage the Halo Effect, and hopefully preserve the relationships you wish to keep - 1. Don't assume anything. Find out more about this person, so you can assess whether they really reflect your values and views. 2. Go slow. Take your time to get to know someone. The quicker you form a relationship, the more likely you are to make misperceptions about who they really are. 3. Respect the whole. Even if your views do not align, is this really a deal-breaker? Sometimes you can learn from people who have lived according to different values and views. 4. Is this forever? Don't lose hope because, with time and patience, people's views and values can change. 5. Don't burn your bridges. There is a chance that this person's values might change, but so might yours. Often we evolve as our life circumstances change (we start a different career, or we get married, or we become a parent), so don't burn your bridges with this person unless you are really really sure that you will not need them again. Still struggling with relationship conflict? Find out more today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com Our caregivers are supposed to teach us certain things about life. In a loving and supportive environment we can come to understand that
There are many reasons why parents do not provide this nurturing environment (financial stress, illness, job insecurity, or mental health issues), and so this is not about blame. This is about understanding. We need to understand -
Get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com The New Year can be tough, especially hot on the heels of a pandemic.
As a psychotherapist I have noticed a worrying uptick in the number of clients in crisis, and so I want to share some crisis management skills. These were invented by Marsha Linehan who created a type of therapy called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). If you know of anyone in crisis, and you need to clarify any of these, please reach out and I can send you the DBT Crisis Skills booklet for free. And if you know of anyone who is in danger, please take them to the Emergency Room of your nearest hospital, or call 911 so the emergency services can help with this. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com The Four Elements of Stress Reduction, by Elan Shapiro. This is a quick exercise to help you manage stress and anxiety. I have recorded an audio version so you can save it to your phone, and use it as and when you need. I hope you find it useful. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com To help people with anxiety, depression and trauma, I frequently use mindfulness. You can find many of my mindfulness exercises on this page of my website. Andrea Nyerges is another therapist who uses mindfulness in her work with adolescents. In this video she talks about her approach to therapy, and how you can look out for warning signs in your adolescents, particularly during the current COVID-19 health crisis. I hope you find this video useful. If you have any questions, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com |
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February 2021
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