In all this chaos, there is a way to give yourself calm.  The Three Minute Breathing Space is a mindfulness exercise that allows you a moment each day to suspend judgment and fully accept yourself.

I hope you find this useful.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist specializing in anxiety, depression, relationship, and men’s therapy. 
Chris also offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). 
www.exploretransform.com
#anxiety #depression #conflict  #emdr

When I work with people who are distressed, I offer as many tools as possible.  These are tools people can use outside of our psychotherapy session, so they are able to calm, soothe and ground themselves without my help. 
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The Light Stream is just one example of those tools, so here it is.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist specializing in anxiety, depression, relationship, and men’s therapy. 
Chris also offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). 
www.exploretransform.com
#anxiety #depression #conflict  #emdr

We are experiencing a collective trauma, so you need to find ways to soothe your soul and calm your catastrophic thinking.
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Dr Jamie Marich has some wonderful tips to self-soothe, and one of them is the butterfly hug (otherwise known as the monkey tap).  Have a look at her video here

One of the most effective ways to heal from a trauma is through the use of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). If you would like to find out more about my use of EMDR as a psychotherapist, you can read more here.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist specializing in anxiety, depression, relationship, and men’s therapy. 
Chris also offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). 
www.exploretransform.com
#anxiety #depression #conflict  #emdr
 

Enough of the stuff about doing more, and trying harder.  I am sure you are doing more than enough.  So here are ten things you are doing right during this pandemic pandemonium.

1. You have probably had the outburst or two or twenty.  It is okay to cry, scream, or just shut off for now. Your brain and body are doing what it needs to do, to survive this.  There is no such thing as a Superhero.
2. You are forgiving yourself for the substandard.  You cannot be a fantastic employee, parent, partner, and friend.  See above re being a Superhero.
3. You are riding the rollercoaster.  It is understandable that you will feel anxious and scared one minute, and then peaceful and even content at another time.  You are simply responding to a sudden, dramatic change to your life.
4. You are becoming aware of your triggers.  That might be the news, updates on social media, or friends constantly talking about the virus.  You can turn it off, or ask them to stop mentioning it.
5. You know what you can change, and you are making those changes.  For the unchangeable, you are radically accepting it.  This means you are letting go and accepting the new reality.
6. You are keeping things in proportion.  Yes, getting essential supplies but you aren’t being an ass and depriving the vulnerable of that because you have stockpiled enough for the next decade.
7. You are accepting that this is a brave new world where the ‘rules’ are still being created.  We have to remain connected with each other, so if you once felt a little uncomfortable with Facetime or Google Hangout, you are giving it a whirl.  And the science says that new experiences can increase the levels of dopamine (feel-good stuff), so what is there to lose?!
8. You are indulging yourself.  There is so much out there that is being offered for free (from Ivy League courses online, stories read by celebrities, to meditation and yoga classes).  Go grab it all now.  If nothing else, it is a healthy distraction.
9. You are making self-care more palatable.  Just a little bit of self-care means we have just a little bit more energy to focus on our work and family and friends.  It is not selfish, it is strategic so we can help others.
10. You are looking for kindness. Yes, there are asshole hedge funders and senators who are profiting from inside knowledge of the stock market crash, but there are plenty more kind people who are looking out for each other.  Hold onto that.

 
There has never been a greater risk of burnout, so I hope you realize how much you are already doing, and you give yourself.  Yes, there will be people who will make you feel like you need to do more, but they are probably empty soulless beasts who have nothing better to do with their time.

Go break open the box of cookies and watch another Netflix series until your eyes hurt.

And if you need any help, book a free online consultation.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), New Jersey (USA) and the UK
www.exploretransform.com
+1-201-779-6917
chris@exploretransform.com​

As a society, we tend to assume that all parents love their children, but narcissistic parents exist. Too often the narcissist presents an image of devotion to the wider public, and yet behind closed doors, the child is subjected to emotional and physical abuse.

It would be terrifying for a child to acknowledge that this parent, who is supposed to feed and shelter the child, actually cares only for their own self-image, and not the child. Instead, the child makes sense of the parent's bewildering (and contradictory) behaviour with the use of self-blame.

It is common for the narcissistic parent to recruit 'rescuers' in the form of other family members, turning these family members against the child by portraying them as a 'persecutor' against the 'victim' narcissistic parent.  This ‘triangulation’ is known as Karpman’s Drama Triangle.

Often it is years later, when that child has grown into an adult, can they accept that they were the victim of narcissistic parental abuse. But acknowledging this is just the first step. 
 

• Let go, they were never yours in the first place – A narcissistic parent never wanted you in the first place, they wanted a mirror-image of them.  So you were set up to fail.  Acknowledging this can be extremely painful at first, but eventually, it frees you from ever needing them again.  You are not losing relationship, or letting go of something, because it was never yours in the first place.
• Healing from the abuse takes time.  This is a complicated process and will take time. Sometimes this involves removing them from your life, sometimes this involves keeping them in your life but with certain boundaries enforced, and sometimes this involves forgiveness, but in other cases, this is not an option.  Every case is different, but the common theme is that you need to find agency over your life.  A narcissistic parent has abused you by trying to take control of your life; they are only interested in their own reflection, not your thoughts or feelings, so they will have spent years trying to force you to relinquish power and accept their control over you.  Take that back.
• Hand the shame back to the abuser.  It may be embarrassing to acknowledge that your parent is still alive but they choose not to see you (or maybe you have chosen not to remain in contact with them), what they did is shameful, and so the shame is theirs to carry, not yours. 
• Forge new connections.  Your narcissistic parent wanted to isolate you from other family members, and maybe friends also.  This was their way of keeping control over you.  Don’t suffer alone, because that can breed a sense of shame.  Remember, the shame rests with your abuser.  Try and reconnect with the family members that were turned against you.  You can try and correct any misinformation your narcissistic parent inevitably spread.  But if this is not an option, try and create your own sense of family, even if that is with close friends.

 
Help is available, but you need to choose carefully. Make sure whoever you talk to (whether it is therapist or friend) listens to your actual words, and not their own preconceived notions.  We all have our own assumptions about parents and parenting, so you need to find unbiased help that will see you for you.  And not their own reflection.
 
​Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), New Jersey (USA) and the UK
www.exploretransform.com
+1-201-779-6917
chris@exploretransform.com​