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As vaccinations become available, some say that the threat of COVID has reduced. But for others, life still seems just as hard. For example, a return to a workplace, or an uptick in social gatherings, can seem just as threatening, keeping you up late at night. To find peace, I like to offer an exercise called Progressive Relaxation. In 1908 Edmund Jacobson introduced this, which basically involves clenching and releasing each muscle group as you focus on your breathing. I have recorded an audio version of the exercise, so see if you find this useful. If you need more strategies for stress management, get in contact today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  We have an idea about how life should be; we believe we should think, feel, and behave a certain way, and we expect others to follow suit. Aspirations and dreams are all very well, but rigid expectations wielded by an unrelenting dictator makes for a very unhappy relationship. Karen Horney called this a ‘tyranny of the shoulds’, and, left unchecked, it can pose a significant threat to a relationship. When life does not live up to our expectations, we need to remember that we are in a relationship with someone else, and their perception of how things 'should' be may contradict our own expectations. Negotiation is the best way forward. Once we own up to our own sense of how life 'should' be, and we are willing to hear what the other person wants and needs, we can then open a dialogue to negotiate a way forward. Which 'shoulds' are essential, and which are you willing to concede? This can be difficult to attempt on your own, so you may need to explore this with a therapist, either individually, or as a couple. We can help you with this. Relationship counseling (also known as couples counseling, couples therapy, or marriage counseling) offers you a neutral setting to work through all of this. Find out more today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  If you experience anxiety, we will help you in the following ways - 1. First, you will understand why you are feeling that way (racing heart, scattered thoughts, feeling jumpy, etc). 2. We will help you understand how normal these feelings are, even though they may feel far from normal. 3. We will work together to identify what situations trigger your anxiety, and what makes it worse. 4. Identify what situations can help alleviate your anxiety (for example, meditation, calming or empowering visualizations, etc). 5. We will help you to master tools to manage your symptoms, fostering a sense of mastery and independence. Find out more today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey  With so much change and uncertainty, it is important to find ways to keep yourself feeling grounded. You may not have control over everything in your life, but you can focus on your breathing. The Three Minute Breathing Space is a well-known Mindfulness exercise, and you can find my recording of it here. Mindfulness emphasizes the principle of non-judgmental acceptance, and this is a powerful tool to help us manage stress, anxiety, relationship conflict, and even depression. Find out more here. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  As restrictions are lifted, I have been hearing about more and more relationship conflict. Partners have had differing views about what is now 'safe' (a return to school for their children, a return to restaurants, a family holiday, etc), and a mixture of excitement and apprehension has caused a number of schisms. I have been asked to re-release the '10 tips to make a relationship work', so here it is. I hope you find it useful. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  Relationship conflict often comes down to a lack of assertiveness. You have needs, and so does your partner, and yet you fear that opening up about them may leave you sounding insensitive, needy, or downright selfish. Let's be clear: In order to maintain a deep and meaningful connection to someone else, you need to communicate your feelings and needs. Without this, you are two disconnected people living in close proximity to each other, and you will end up feeling frustrated and resentful. It is also a great deal fairer to let your partner know what you need to feel joy, and how to avoid the despair that they might trigger in you. So how can you communicate those feelings and needs? The best way is to use assertive communication. This is not always possible, and in some situations it is not even appropriate. But when it is used effectively, it creates a deeper and longer-lasting bond. Here is another chance to read my article about assertive communication. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  We may have emerged from the winter, but the darkness still lingers. You can sense it in a heaviness tugging at your limbs, or the biting anger that flares, or even the blank-minded excessive eating. Depression has not melted away with the snow, and as the evenings get lighter we realize that we cannot just ignore it. Depression is not an occasional off-day. It is a persistent feeling of flattened, negative thoughts and emotions, where you experience symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for two weeks. There are different types of depression (Major Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Persistent Depression, or Dysthymia), but no matter the type, we need to take action. When I work with people I often explain the depression cycle. This is where our thoughts are negative, and this causes our emotions to darken, which in turn stops us from doing the things we usually enjoy. The less we do, the more our thoughts become negative, and the worse our mood becomes, and so we do even less. The first step we need to take is to break the depression cycle by doing more of the things that usually would make us feel good. Even though we don't feel motivated, if you force yourself to do just one thing on that list each day, you can give your brain a new experience (one of achievement rather than avoidance). This can help to lift the mood, and make the thoughts more positive, and, in turn, you feel more inclined to do more. This is a very brief explanation of just one of the things we may explore together. Sometimes when we start to tackle the depression, we discover that there are reasons why this depression descended in the first place. For example, they may have experienced trauma, and this set a template for how they viewed the world. Trauma is more common than many people think, and it includes adverse childhood experiences such as bullying, or witnessing your parents divorce, or growing up with a caregiver who is depressed, emotionally distant, or in some other way unable to meet your needs. To find out more, get in touch today. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  Something is up but you don’t know what it is. During COVID there has been so much change that all of life seems in chaos and darkness. We need to find a new way to live, to search for a guiding light to lead us towards a new sense of certainty. But we do not know where to begin.
When I work with clients who don’t know where to begin, who cannot find a way forward through so much chaos and darkness, I like to help them with a brief visualization. Here it is -
A visualization can be useful to identify an issue to focus on, and that clarity can give you a sense of relief from the chaos and darkness. The next step is to plan how to work on that issue. This can be difficult alone, so if you need help, get in touch. Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Almost a year has gone by, and still it feels like we are living in a disaster movie. I have seen higher cases of anxiety and panic attacks, and so it is important to remember how to keep calm during COVID. The Safe / Calm Place is just one tool to help you.
Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com  Feeling sluggish? Worried about getting back to ‘normal’ life when this pandemic is over? (Commuting to the city, taking the kids to activities, etc.). Here are some quick tips to motivate you -
Chris Warren-Dickins, Psychotherapist Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com |
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Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Office addresses :
162 E Ridgewood Ave, Suite 4B, Ridgewood, NJ 07450 and 235 Orchard Pl, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Appointments are available Saturdays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.
Providing inclusive counseling and psychotherapy for the whole of New Jersey
Please note - We have chosen to remain out of network with all insurance plans.
Full payment is due at each session, and the fee range is $185 to $265.
Upon request, we can provide you with a Superbill to facilitate reimbursement through your Out of Network benefits.
162 E Ridgewood Ave, Suite 4B, Ridgewood, NJ 07450 and 235 Orchard Pl, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
Telephone: +1-201-779-6917
Appointments are available Saturdays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.
Providing inclusive counseling and psychotherapy for the whole of New Jersey
Please note - We have chosen to remain out of network with all insurance plans.
Full payment is due at each session, and the fee range is $185 to $265.
Upon request, we can provide you with a Superbill to facilitate reimbursement through your Out of Network benefits.
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