Ever heard of the ‘fight or flight’ response?  No doubt you have.  In response to a perceived threat, adrenalin charges round your body as your heart pumps faster, sending blood to your limbs, and your pupils dilate.

But did you know that if you get stuck in this response for too long, it can cause serious physical and mental health issues.

You are more likely to get stuck in the ‘fight or flight’ response if you grew up experiencing Adverse Childhood Experiences during the first eighteen years of your life.  Here are just some of those Adverse Childhood Experiences -

1. If you witnessed domestic violence
2. Your parents were divorced or separated
3. If you experienced sexual abuse
4. You grew up believing that your family did not think you were special
5. You lived in a household where adults physically hurt you
6. Your basic needs were not met (for example, food and clothing)
7. Your caregivers struggled with mental health issues
8. Your caregivers had a problem with drink or drugs
9. Your caregivers went to prison
10. You grew up in a household where adults swore at you, humiliated you, or made you afraid that you might be physically hurt

As a result of these Adverse Childhood Experiences, neurobiologists claim that you produce more toxic stress, an over-production of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.  This can lead to a greater likelihood of arthritis, heart disease, diabetes, and lung cancer.

Life can be a Detox
Even if you have experienced these Adverse Childhood Experiences, all is not lost.  There are numerous ways you can teach your body and brain that you do not need to constantly be in a state of ‘fight or flight’.  For example, in the safety of a therapeutic relationship, or with the trust of a loving partner, you can learn that life is not always dangerous, and people can be trusted.  Neuroscientists call this neuroplasticity, where your brain creates new neural pathways as you learn new experiences.

Polyvagal Theory
Polyvagal Theory was conceptualized by psychiatrist Stephen Porges, and it helps us to understand how our nervous system responds in different conditions -

• If you feel safe, your Parasympathetic Nervous System allows you to stop and rest, sleep, and even meditate. Stephen Porges called this the Ventral Vagal Nerve Network, and Porges claims that this runs from the diaphragm up to the brain stem.
• If you feel unsafe and you fear you have no escape, your Parasympathetic Nervous System will make you shut down (this is the ‘freeze’ response’, or ‘dissociation’).  Stephen Porges called this the Dorsal Vagal Nerve Network.
• If you feel unsafe and you can see a way out, your Sympathetic Nervous System will activate your ‘fight or flight’ response.

Stephen Porges suggested that we could combat stress by enaging in the following exercises that involve the parts of the body that include the Ventral Vagal Nerve Network (anywhere from the diaphragm up to the brain stem) -

• Breathing exercises
• Physical Exercise
• Singing, and humming
• Smiling, and eye contact
• Connect more with your family and friends, especially if this involves the exchange of eye contact, conversation, and laughter

You can also take control of your stress by keeping a track of your ‘triggers’.  The more you are aware of these activating moments, the more you can anticipate them, and use grounding exercises, to remind yourself that you are in the safety of the present.  One such grounding exercise is to use all give of your senses.  Simply notice -

• Five things you can see
• Four things you can feel
• Three things you can hear
• Two things you can smell
• One thing you can taste

By the time you get to the end of this exercise, you will be safely in the calm present. 

Give it a try, and let me know how you get on.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor)
www.exploretransform.com  

Prince Harry has bravely spoken out about his positive experiences of EMDR.  Here he is demonstrating the Butterfly Taps (one of the key tools we use to start the EMDR protocol). 

You will also note that he is using EMDR via online therapy, and I am going to release a separate article setting out the research that shows the effectiveness of EMDR delivered via an online format.  

Find out more about EMDR therapy.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com  ​

In today's news, Prince Harry has revealed that he found EMDR extremely helpful.  As a British psychotherapist working in New Jersey, it was great to hear this ringing endorsement for a type of therapy I use with my clients on a daily basis.  Each day I see the positive changes that EMDR brings, and often this is the first time someone has had any sort of improvement from psychotherapy.

Over recent years, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) has become the preferred choice of therapy.  The World Health Organization recognizes EMDR as an 'A' level of treatment for trauma, and research has shown that it is effective for a wide range of adverse life experiences.

Do you find yourself stuck in certain emotions or beliefs about yourself?  For example, do you feel on edge?  Or do you have this hard-to-shake belief that you are unsafe, or that you are somehow defective? 

Stuck emotions and beliefs can creep into every aspect of your life, holding you back, and impacting others around you.  For example, you might lack the confidence to speak up more at work, or you shy away from social gatherings at your child's playground.  Without resolving these stuck emotions and beliefs, you run the risk of continuing the cycle, and passing on these negative beliefs and emotions to your children.

Find out more about this effective approach to adverse life experiences.

If you are interested in booking an initial assessment, book online today.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com  

As COVID restrictions are lifted, there is so much more choice available; restaurants are reopening, and people who are vaccinated are more willing to meet up in-person.  What might seem exciting could also lead to conflict.  With so much living to catch up on, how do we make a choice between these competing demands.

This is where your values can come in handy.  Use these to prioritize your time, and say no without apology.  Your values are helpful markings on the roadmap of your life, guiding you at every turn. 
 
Values evolve with age, so give yourself some time to identify your values for each area of your life.  This might vary a little according to the context, but it shouldn’t vary dramatically.  We all have a rough idea about how we want each part of our lives to look like. 

I have set out below a grid for you to use to help identify your values.  For each area of your life (home life, wider family, friends, working life, etc) identify the following three things -
 
The vision - This is a generic statement about how you would like each area of our life to look like.  For example, you know that you want to be the type of parent who spends at least some time with your kids.  You want to be present in their lives, and you want them to know you are there if they really need you.  That is the vision. 
 
A vision realised – Then for each vision, identify tangible examples of how that vision might be realised.  This is the maximum that you need to do to really reflect this vision.  For example, being present in your daughter’s life might mean, at a maximum, checking in with her once a day, or watching 80% of her sporting events.  It is important to be clear on when this vision would be realised, because we can sometimes overdo things.  For example, we probably don’t need to be at every single one of her sporting events, or we don’t need to check in with her five times a day!  Having the comfort that we have done enough frees us up for other parts of our life, without the guilt.
 
The boundaries – Finally, for each vision, identify tangible examples of how that vision might be breached.  For example, if we attend less than one sporting event a month, this might mean we need to focus more time and energy on this vision.
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Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com  

When the fighting escalates, and you forget why you ever got together in the first place, relationship conflict can lead you to think that you would be better off alone.  In some situations this may be true; if there is violence or emotional abuse, for example.  But in most relationships we don't need to be alone forever, we just need to remember the benefits of connection with other people.

Here is another look at my article on the benefits of relationships and connection.  And if you are still struggling with relationship conflict, get in contact today.
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Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com