Want to combat loneliness? Here are 5 tips to get you started.
1. Cultivate Self-Compassion Loneliness can often be accompanied by feelings of shame or self-criticism. It's important to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a close friend. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. This helps reduce the emotional burden of loneliness and fosters a sense of acceptance. 2. Engage in Meaningful Activities One of the best ways to combat loneliness is to connect with activities that bring you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Engaging in hobbies, volunteering, or pursuing personal interests not only enriches your life but also provides opportunities for connection, whether with yourself or others. These activities can serve as a buffer against feelings of isolation. 3. Build and Nurture Social Connections While it may seem challenging, intentionally building social connections is crucial. Start small—reach out to an old friend, join a class, or attend a local event that aligns with your interests. Meaningful connections don’t need to be numerous, but they should be authentic. It’s also helpful to reach out to people who may be experiencing similar feelings of loneliness—shared vulnerability can strengthen relationships. 4. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Awareness Mindfulness techniques can be very effective in managing the emotional distress that often accompanies loneliness. By focusing on the present moment, you can reduce negative thought patterns and stop ruminating on your feelings of isolation. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, or even simply being present with your surroundings can help center you and ease emotional distress. 5. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns Loneliness often leads to distorted thinking, where you might perceive yourself as unworthy of connection or feel as though no one understands you. Remind yourself that loneliness is a temporary state, and it doesn't define your value or future potential for connection. Often it isn’t just about loneliness. When we throw in anxiety, self-esteem; depression, and trauma, things become more complicated. We can’t really achieve long-term change if we aren’t tackling the root problem. This might feel overwhelming to do alone, so we are here if you need help with loneliness and any connected issues. Book online today for a free telephone call. Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy Ridgewood, New Jersey In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s easy to feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or even numb to the struggles of those around us—or even our own emotional well-being. Yet, one powerful tool for improving mental health often gets overlooked: compassion.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how cultivating compassion—not only toward others but also toward ourselves—can lead to significant improvements in mental health. Compassion is often seen as a selfless act, but it is much more than just a kind gesture. It is a psychological skill that can foster resilience, reduce anxiety, and promote a sense of overall well-being. Here’s why compassion should be an essential part of your mental health toolkit. Understanding Compassion: More Than a Feeling Many people equate compassion with sympathy or empathy, but the key difference lies in action. Compassion is the desire to alleviate suffering. It’s not just recognizing pain, but actively seeking ways to respond in a kind, helpful, and understanding manner. This is true whether you're showing compassion toward others or practicing it toward yourself. Studies show that compassion activates the brain’s reward system, leading to feelings of warmth and contentment. This not only helps us form closer bonds with others, but it also has a profound impact on our emotional and psychological state. The Link Between Compassion and Mental Health 1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety Chronic stress is a well-documented contributor to a variety of mental health issues, from anxiety disorders to depression. When we practice compassion, particularly self-compassion, we activate a calming effect on the nervous system. Compassionate thoughts help decrease cortisol (the stress hormone) and activate parasympathetic responses, which promote relaxation. A study by Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, found that individuals who are kinder and more understanding toward themselves during times of struggle have lower levels of anxiety and depression. By practicing self-compassion, we learn to respond to difficult emotions with care rather than harsh judgment, reducing the mental strain caused by constant self-criticism. 2. Fosters Resilience Resilience—the ability to bounce back from adversity—is closely linked to how we manage our emotions during times of hardship. Compassionate people tend to be more resilient because they are less likely to view challenges as insurmountable threats. Instead, they are more likely to see difficulties as temporary setbacks that can be overcome. Furthermore, self-compassion fosters a sense of emotional safety. When we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, we reduce the fear of failure, which in turn encourages us to approach difficult situations with greater courage and a growth mindset. 3. Improves Relationships Compassionate behavior strengthens interpersonal relationships by enhancing trust and emotional intimacy. Research shows that when we express compassion toward others, it not only makes them feel valued but also strengthens the connection between us. Being kind and understanding creates a positive feedback loop: the more compassion we give, the more we receive, building a supportive network of care. From a psychological perspective, compassionate relationships can buffer against loneliness, a significant risk factor for mental health issues like depression. In relationships where compassion is abundant, people feel heard, accepted, and cared for, which bolsters emotional well-being. 4. Decreases Feelings of Shame and Isolation One of the most profound effects of compassion is its ability to counteract feelings of shame and isolation. Shame is a toxic emotion that can have devastating effects on mental health, often leaving individuals feeling unworthy or disconnected from others. Compassion, however, fosters self-acceptance and helps people recognize that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. By practicing self-compassion, individuals can break free from the shame cycle. They learn that experiencing difficulty does not make them weak or flawed; instead, it makes them human. Over time, this shift in perspective can lead to greater mental well-being and a reduction in feelings of loneliness. Practical Ways to Cultivate Compassion 1. Practice Mindful Awareness Mindfulness involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This non-judgmental awareness is the foundation of both self-compassion and compassion for others. Start by taking a few minutes each day to sit quietly and observe your thoughts, acknowledging them with kindness rather than criticism. When you feel self-criticism arise, gently remind yourself that everyone struggles, and you deserve the same kindness you would offer a friend. 2. Self-Compassionate Affirmations Self-compassionate affirmations can be a powerful tool for reprogramming negative self-talk. Try repeating phrases such as, “It’s okay to make mistakes,” or “I’m doing the best I can right now.” These simple reminders can ease the harshness of self-judgment and create space for kindness and understanding. 3. Extend Compassion to Others Compassion is a two-way street. Whether through a listening ear, a helping hand, or simply offering words of encouragement, showing kindness to others helps foster a sense of community and emotional connection. When we actively practice compassion, we not only lift others, but we also reap the benefits of improved mental health ourselves. 4. Engage in Loving-Kindness Meditation Loving-kindness meditation, or "metta" meditation, is a mindfulness practice that involves silently repeating phrases wishing well-being for oneself and others. By regularly practicing this type of meditation, individuals can increase feelings of warmth, compassion, and empathy toward themselves and those around them. It has been shown to improve mood, reduce stress, and promote positive emotions. 5. Seek Support When Needed Remember, compassion is not about facing challenges alone. If you're struggling with your mental health, reaching out for support is an act of self-compassion. Whether through therapy, support groups, or confiding in trusted friends, seeking help when you need it can prevent isolation and promote healing. Final Thoughts As we navigate the complexities of life, it's crucial to remember that we are not alone in our struggles. Compassion, whether directed toward ourselves or others, has a transformative effect on our mental health. It fosters emotional resilience, reduces stress, and enhances our relationships, creating a foundation of well-being that can weather the toughest of times. So, next time you face an emotional challenge, practice compassion—not as an afterthought, but as a deliberate choice. By doing so, you’ll be nurturing both your own mental health and the health of those around you. I hope you find this useful. If you need to speak with me, you can book a free callback here. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey Explore Transform LLC The United States is a patriarchal society. To prove this, we only need to look at the gender pay gap: The Pew Research Analysis found that women earn on average 82 cents for every dollar earned by a man. And, of course, there are diminishing reproductive rights, and lack of employment rights regarding maternity and childcare.
It is inevitable that this patriarchal structure will have an adverse impact on our mental health, and here’s why: 1. Internalized Gender Roles and Psychological Strain One of the most insidious ways that patriarchy affects mental health is through the internalization of rigid gender roles. People are often socialized from a young age into believing that they must conform to specific expectations based on their gender. For women, this often means being nurturing, passive, and focused on caretaking or domestic duties, while for men, it entails being assertive, emotionally reserved, and financially successful. These internalized roles create significant psychological strain because they limit individual self-expression and foster feelings of inadequacy in those who fail to meet these expectations. 2. Gendered Violence and Trauma Patriarchy not only shapes societal expectations but also legitimizes and perpetuates various forms of gendered violence, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Women and gender minorities, in particular, are disproportionately affected by these forms of violence, which can lead to long-term psychological trauma. Survivors of gender-based violence may experience PTSD, depression, anxiety, and a heightened sense of distrust towards others. Patriarchal systems often minimize or deny the severity of these experiences, leading to a lack of social support for survivors. The normalization of toxic masculinity, where power, control, and aggression are seen as markers of strength, also creates a culture where abuse is downplayed, further compounding the emotional and psychological burden on victims. 3. Psychological Costs of Male Privilege While much of the conversation around patriarchy focuses on its harmful effects on women and marginalized groups, it is crucial to understand that men, too, are psychologically impacted by patriarchal structures. The societal expectation that men must always be strong, unemotional, and self-reliant can create an immense amount of psychological pressure. This pressure manifests in several ways:
4. Cognitive Dissonance and Conflict Patriarchy also contributes to cognitive dissonance—the psychological tension that arises when one’s beliefs or actions are in conflict with their internal values. This can be particularly damaging when individuals are taught that they must act in ways that perpetuate oppressive systems. For instance, men who benefit from patriarchal privilege but recognize its harm may feel guilt or discomfort, leading to inner conflict. Similarly, women who are constrained by traditional gender roles but aspire to pursue personal ambitions may struggle with feelings of self-doubt or guilt. Such cognitive dissonance can create significant emotional distress, as people are torn between their values and the pressures imposed upon them by a patriarchal society. 5. Mental Health in the Context of Intersectionality The impact of patriarchy on mental health cannot be fully understood without considering its intersection with other systems of oppression, such as race, class, and sexuality. For example, women of color or LGBTQ+ individuals are often subject to compounded forms of discrimination and violence that exacerbate the mental health effects of patriarchy.
Beyond Patriarchy The path to healing and mental well-being involves recognizing and challenging the harmful effects of patriarchy, both at the individual and societal levels. For those affected by patriarchal oppression, this may involve helping individuals to explore and understand the ways in which patriarchal norms have shaped their self-concept, relationships, and mental health. Psychotherapists often work with individuals to untangle internalized gender norms and promote self-compassion. Patriarchy is a complex and deeply ingrained social system that affects mental health in ways that are often invisible or underestimated. Its harmful effects can be seen in the rigid gender roles it imposes, the violence it legitimizes, and the cognitive dissonance it creates in both men and women. Recognizing and addressing the psychological toll of patriarchy is essential not only for individual well-being but also for creating a more just, equitable society. As awareness grows, and as individuals and communities take active steps to dismantle patriarchal structures, the path to healing and mental health will become more accessible for all. If you’re looking for additional support, we are here to help. Book online for a free telephone call with our lead clinician, Chris Warren-Dickins. Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy Ridgewood, New Jersey As a therapist working in New Jersey, I see the impacts of loneliness on people from all walks of life—whether they’re students struggling with isolation, professionals feeling disconnected in a hyper-connected world, or older adults navigating a post-retirement period with fewer social circles. Loneliness isn't just about being alone; it's about feeling emotionally disconnected from others, and it can take a real toll on mental health. But here's the good news: loneliness is not permanent, and there are many things you can do to help alleviate its grip.
Here are some of the most effective tips for managing and overcoming loneliness, all based on psychological principles and years of clinical experience. 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings of Loneliness The first step in managing loneliness is acknowledging it. Many people feel shame or frustration about being lonely, especially in a world where social connections seem abundant. But loneliness is a normal human emotion—it’s part of being alive. It's okay to admit that you're feeling isolated. In fact, denial can lead to longer bouts of loneliness, as it often prevents us from taking proactive steps to connect with others. 2. Reach Out—Even When It’s Hard Sometimes, the hardest part about loneliness is taking the first step to reconnect. You might feel like no one would be interested, or that it’s too much to ask for someone’s time. However, reaching out to a friend, family member, or colleague, even with a simple “Hey, how have you been?”, can initiate meaningful connections. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Small, low-pressure contact can reignite relationships and lead to deeper, more fulfilling interactions. If you don’t have someone in mind to reach out to, consider joining a community group or engaging with people around a shared interest. In New Jersey, there are plenty of local meetups, fitness classes, or hobby groups where you can find others who share your passions. 3. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we need a large number of friends or constant social interactions to avoid loneliness. However, research has shown that having a small circle of close, meaningful connections is far more satisfying than having a wide network of acquaintances. Take the time to nurture your relationships with people who make you feel seen, heard, and valued. Quality matters more than quantity when it comes to social connection. A phone call with a trusted friend can be far more beneficial than an evening full of superficial social media interactions. 4. Embrace Self-Compassion Often, loneliness can make us overly self-critical. We might blame ourselves for not being able to “fit in” or compare ourselves to others who seem to have larger social networks. But showing compassion for yourself is key to managing loneliness. When you feel lonely, instead of berating yourself for feeling this way, try speaking to yourself like you would to a friend who’s struggling. Self-compassion has been linked to better mental health, and practicing it can help ease the emotional burden of loneliness. Remember, you are deserving of love and connection, just like anyone else. 5. Engage in Meaningful Activities Loneliness often stems from a lack of purpose or fulfillment. When you engage in activities that you find meaningful, it can help take the focus off your feelings of isolation and give you a sense of accomplishment. Consider volunteering, joining a local class (painting, cooking, etc.), or working on a personal project. These activities not only provide a distraction, but they also offer opportunities to meet like-minded people. In New Jersey, there's no shortage of volunteer opportunities, from local food banks to environmental initiatives, that can help you build connections while contributing to your community. 6. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation Mindfulness and meditation can be powerful tools for managing feelings of loneliness. By focusing on the present moment, you can reduce anxiety and self-judgment that may arise when you feel isolated. Mindfulness practices help you develop a greater sense of self-awareness and acceptance, which can, in turn, alleviate the emotional discomfort of loneliness. Take time each day to engage in mindfulness exercises, whether through guided meditation apps, yoga, or simply taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and center yourself. By calming your mind, you make room for healthier thoughts about your social connections and your sense of belonging. 7. Consider Therapy If you find that loneliness is persistent and overwhelming, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can work with you to explore the underlying causes of your loneliness, whether they’re rooted in past trauma, unmet emotional needs, or patterns of behavior that make it hard to connect with others. Therapy also provides a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore how loneliness affects your well-being and find strategies to combat it. As a therapist in New Jersey, I’ve seen firsthand how empowering it can be for individuals to unpack their feelings and learn healthier ways to approach relationships and self-worth. 8. Take Care of Your Physical Health There’s a strong mind-body connection, and when we neglect our physical health, it can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and sadness. Regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and adequate sleep are essential not only for physical health but also for mental well-being. Exercise, in particular, has been shown to reduce stress, improve mood, and increase overall energy levels—all of which can help combat the negative effects of loneliness. Whether it’s a walk along the Jersey Shore, a hike in the Pine Barrens, or a yoga class at your local gym, physical activity is an excellent antidote to isolation. 9. Find Online Communities In a digital age, loneliness doesn’t always have to be combated in person. Online communities—whether through social media, online forums, or virtual support groups—can provide a sense of connection when you’re physically alone. Just be mindful to find healthy, supportive communities that promote positive interactions rather than exacerbate feelings of isolation or inadequacy. Look for online spaces that focus on shared interests, hobbies, or experiences rather than comparing your life to others' highlight reels. 10. Remember That Loneliness Is Temporary Finally, it's important to remember that loneliness doesn’t have to be forever. It’s a natural emotion that comes and goes, and while it may feel intense in the moment, it can pass. Building meaningful relationships takes time and effort, but it is entirely possible. Be patient with yourself, and know that every step you take toward connection, no matter how small, is progress. Conclusion Loneliness is a challenging and deeply human experience, but it's not something you have to face alone. Whether through self-compassion, reaching out to others, or engaging in new activities, there are numerous ways to manage and overcome loneliness. And if you find that loneliness is overwhelming, don't hesitate to reach out to a professional for guidance and support. In New Jersey, we are fortunate to have a strong community of therapists and support systems to help you on your journey toward greater connection and fulfillment. If you’re in New Jersey and looking for additional support, we are here to help. Book online for a free telephone call with our lead clinician, Chris Warren-Dickins. Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy Ridgewood, New Jersey We’ve all heard of burnout, and at the moment, I’m sure many of us are experiencing something akin to it. But are you really experiencing a brownout?
The term brownout refers to a state of mental exhaustion that’s somewhat like burnout but is less intense and more subtle. It's not as extreme as burnout, where someone might completely collapse or shut down, but it involves a gradual decline in energy, motivation, and engagement. Brownouts are typically a sign of prolonged stress or dissatisfaction but don’t necessarily lead to total disengagement or burnout. Key characteristics of brownout:
Comparison to burnout:
If someone feels a brownout coming on, it’s usually a good signal to pay attention to mental health and take proactive steps—whether through self-care, therapy, or reducing stressors—before it turns into burnout. Have you noticed yourself feeling something like this, or is it a term you just stumbled upon? If you would like to book a free call with our lead clinician, Chris Warren-Dickins, book online today. Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey We all experience moments of powerlessness. Whether it’s dealing with an overwhelming work situation, feeling stuck in a relationship, or navigating a global crisis, the sensation of being out of control can be disorienting and emotionally draining. As a therapist working with individuals in New Jersey, I often hear clients express frustration over not being able to change circumstances that seem beyond their reach. It's natural to feel disempowered at times—but the good news is, there are practical ways to regain a sense of agency and self-efficacy, even when life feels unmanageable.
Here are some tips for navigating and managing feelings of powerlessness: 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings The first step in dealing with powerlessness is acknowledging it. Often, we try to push away or deny negative emotions because they feel uncomfortable. However, avoiding or suppressing feelings of powerlessness can actually prolong or intensify them. Instead, allow yourself to sit with those feelings without judgment. By naming your emotions (e.g., "I feel helpless right now" or "I'm overwhelmed by this situation"), you can begin to understand them and give yourself permission to feel vulnerable. This is a form of self-compassion. 2. Focus on What You Can Control When we feel powerless, our attention tends to gravitate toward everything we can't change: the global economy, the behavior of others, or the course of events beyond our influence. The antidote to this overwhelm is to refocus on what is within your control. Make a list of small, manageable things you can do today that will give you a sense of agency. It might be something as simple as organizing your workspace, making a healthy meal, or having a difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Small actions often lead to a renewed sense of power and control. 3. Set Realistic Boundaries In times of powerlessness, people sometimes overextend themselves, trying to fix things for others or take on too much responsibility. If you’ve been feeling powerless, take a step back and evaluate your boundaries. Are you saying yes to too many obligations? Are there people or situations that are draining your energy and contributing to your sense of powerlessness? Setting healthy boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for preserving your emotional and mental health. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. 4. Practice Mindfulness Mindfulness is a powerful tool when it comes to managing feelings of powerlessness. It allows you to center yourself in the present moment, which can reduce feelings of anxiety and helplessness. By practicing mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, body scans, or grounding exercises, you can detach from overwhelming thoughts and redirect your focus on what is in front of you. Studies show that mindfulness practices not only improve emotional regulation but can also help you increase your sense of self-efficacy and control. 5. Challenge Negative Thinking Powerlessness often goes hand-in-hand with negative thinking patterns, such as catastrophizing (expecting the worst), all-or-nothing thinking (seeing situations as either completely good or bad), or overgeneralization (assuming one setback means constant failure). These cognitive distortions can fuel feelings of helplessness and prevent you from seeing potential solutions or avenues for change. One way to challenge these thoughts is by asking yourself:
6. Seek Support When you’re feeling powerless, it can be easy to isolate yourself from others. However, human connection is one of the most powerful ways to regain a sense of empowerment. Talk to trusted friends or family members about your feelings. Sometimes, simply verbalizing your experience can bring clarity and reassurance. If you’re struggling with more persistent feelings of powerlessness, or if your emotional health is suffering, speaking with a therapist can provide you with tailored coping strategies and emotional support. Therapy is a space where you can work through these difficult emotions and build resilience. 7. Reframe Your Perspective In therapy, we often use the concept of reframing to help individuals shift their perspective on a challenging situation. If you’re feeling powerless, try to reframe the situation in a way that empowers you. For example, instead of seeing an unexpected setback as a failure, consider it an opportunity for growth or a lesson learned. Reframing doesn’t minimize the difficulty of the situation, but it helps you focus on your strengths and the potential for positive change. 8. Engage in Activities That Restore Energy When we feel powerless, our energy can feel drained, both physically and emotionally. Make time for activities that help replenish you. Whether it’s exercising, engaging in a hobby, spending time in nature, or simply resting, taking time to restore your energy can help you regain a sense of balance and renewal. Remember, self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity when you’re feeling disempowered. 9. Revisit Your Values and Purpose Feeling powerless often comes from a disconnect between our current circumstances and our deeper sense of purpose. Reflect on what matters most to you in life. What are your core values? What are you passionate about? Sometimes, reconnecting with your values and your "why" can help you move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and control. Even if external circumstances haven’t changed, knowing that you are living in alignment with your values can provide you with strength and clarity. 10. Accept What You Can’t Change Finally, it’s important to recognize that there are some things you cannot change. Accepting this reality doesn’t mean giving up—it means freeing yourself from the emotional drain of trying to control the uncontrollable. Accepting what is outside your control allows you to focus on what you can influence, while also giving you the space to emotionally process situations that are out of your hands. Conclusion Feeling powerless is an incredibly human experience, and it’s something we all go through at different points in our lives. However, with the right strategies and mindset, you can navigate these feelings and regain a sense of control. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Whether through self-reflection, mindfulness, boundary-setting, or seeking professional support, you can reclaim your power and create a more resilient, balanced life. If you’re in New Jersey and looking for additional support, we are here to help. Book online for a free telephone call with our lead clinician, Chris Warren-Dickins. Together, we can explore ways to restore balance and regain a sense of agency in your life. Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy Ridgewood, New Jersey In today’s world powered by AI, many of us are feeling increasingly powerless. This lack of control can lead us down a path of hopelessness and heightens our vulnerability to depression. When we feel unempowered, anxiety can creep in, making us more prone to panic attacks. Powerlessness can trap us in a negative cycle; we may think there’s no point in trying since we believe we have no influence over our lives, which leads us to withdraw and try less—only reinforcing that sense of helplessness.
But what if we could take charge of our mental well-being by connecting with our nervous system? By understanding the different states of our nervous system and how to respond in each moment, we can regain a sense of control. Polyvagal theory offers valuable insights into this, guiding us through the “ladder” of our nervous system based on feelings of safety or danger. For instance, while in a shutdown state (dorsal vagal), we might feel detached or distant. In contrast, when we find ourselves in the sympathetic state (the “fight, flight, or freeze” response), we could experience breathlessness and racing thoughts. The ventral vagal state, however, brings feelings of safety, calmness, and connection. Recognizing which state you’re in is beneficial, but understanding how to respond to each state plays a key role in overcoming feelings of powerlessness. When I find myself in that detached state, I bring myself back to the present by engaging my senses. I might toss a ball, paying attention to how it feels in my hands and even examining its stitching. Alternatively, I listen to my children laughing or focus on the texture of their toys. To support you in navigating your own states, I’ve compiled some free resources featuring grounding exercises, breathing techniques, and mindfulness practices. The more tools you have at your disposal, the less powerlessness you'll feel. I hope you find this useful. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey Explore Transform LLC It can be hard to find the right therapist. That's why we offer a free call with our Clinical Director, so you can decide if Explore Transform is right for you.
Simply book online and we will call you back at the time you request. Did you know that millions of dollars of unused insurance benefits are wasted each year, simply because people don't know about those benefits, or they don't have the time to make use of them?
Out-of-network benefits are a common feature of many insurance plans, and often these cover the cost of therapy. All you have to do is submit a receipt prepared by your therapist, and (depending on your plan) your insurance company will reimburse you (after any deductible). You will find that most experienced therapists have chosen to go out-of-network with all (or most) insurance plans. However, this does not mean that therapy is any less affordable for you. If you have out-of-network benefits in your insurance plan, you might be eligible for reimbursement. To determine this, contact your insurance company and ask for details relating to your out-of-network benefits. We can provide you with a special type of receipt called a ‘superbill’ to assist with this reimbursement process. Even if all of this does not apply to you, we have just released a limited number of sliding scale appointments, so get in touch and we can have a discussion about what best suits your needs. Get in touch today. Don't let cost get in the way of making use of an experienced, caring, and supportive therapist. Chris Warren-Dickins Explore Transform Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey It's nice to be nice...Or is it?
We all have to get along. We rub shoulders with each other everyday, and we need to cooperate on projects, co-parenting, co-working, etc. That's a given. But does this require a "nice" attitude or something else? Being "nice" involves passivity. We sacrifice our own needs and feelings, and we disregard our own boundaries for the sake of others. We keep silent about how we view things because we don't want to 'rock the boat.' As a result, we leave ourselves open to manipulation by the opportunists and the bullies. A more sustainable approach is to try something different. Being "kind" involves assertiveness. We are clear when we communicate our feelings and needs. We are not ashamed or afraid of maintaining our boundaries. This is not an all-or-nothing situation, and there are no winners or losers. This is about continuously striking a balance between your own needs, feelings, and boundaries, and the needs, feelings and boundaries of others. To illustrate this with my clients, I often hold two hands up and show that “both can be true”. For example, on the one hand, you can view things a certain way, and feel a certain way, and have certain needs. At the same time, on the other hand, you can acknowledge that the other person can view things a different way, and feel a different way, and have different needs. If you have experienced trauma, you probably know about the various trauma responses: Fight, flight, freeze. These sound pretty familiar. But there is also a trauma response called "fawning." This is where your nervous system senses danger, and you get stuck in an overly compliant mode of appeasement. Fawning is more akin to being "nice" (where you are probably reacting, without free will, as a result of feeling unsafe) than being "kind" (which is more likely to involve free will; you are choosing how to respond in a balanced way, considering your own needs and the needs of others). Some of my clients like checklists, so if you are one of those types of people, here are eight points for your checklist:
I hope you found this useful. You can read more about powerlessness here. Please do reach out if you need to discuss this further. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey In the US, there is a bias towards extroversion. As a result, loneliness and solitude can be misinterpreted as the same thing.
Loneliness isn't a numbers game; you can feel lonely in a crowded room. Loneliness involves feeling emotionally disconnected from others, either because they don't care, respect, or understand you. So, loneliness is about the quality of our social interactions rather than the quantity. Another way of putting it is that loneliness is defined by a gap between your expectation for meaningful social connection, and the reality you experience. The U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has referred to loneliness as a public health epidemic, and yet people rarely admit that they are lonely or socially isolated. It seems that people are more willing to admit that they are stressed than to talk about loneliness and isolation. Despite the lack of discourse, research shows that many people are feeling lonelier and more socially isolated since the COVID-19 pandemic. When we look at the quality of our relationships, we can often find the source of our loneliness. For example, we might be stuck in unhelpful patterns with our friends and family, unable to live authentically out of fear of rejection or judgment. To change this can sometimes require a deep dive into the expectations and assumptions that were given to us at an early age. Therapy is a wonderful opportunity to examine each expectation and assumption and decide whether we need to keep these or discard them, replacing them with something that is a better fit. This is where a psychotherapist can help you with loneliness. We can help you to identify loneliness as one of the root causes of your mental distress, and then we can then help you to plan how you are going to tackle this. For example, as a result of working together, you might realize that you need to address the quality, not just the quantity, of your connections, so you can make informed choices to better protect your mental health. Learn more about loneliness here. Alternatively, book online for a free telephone call with me. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey For survivors of trauma, burnout can occur when we try to work against unhelpful beliefs that have been created by the trauma. For example, if the trauma results from an adverse childhood, we can develop the belief that we are "not good enough" or "unworthy." As a result, we can spend our adulthood working harder and harder, trying to prove to ourselves (and others) that we are "good enough" or "worthy." We might, for example, develop perfectionistic tendencies in our working life as much as our personal relationships: "If I could just work harder at this and stop making mistakes," for example, "I might feel good enough or worthy." In such cases, there is a high risk of burnout.
A survivor of trauma might also risk burnout by overly focusing on something (for example, work or a business, or even a hobby). We might do this to distract ourselves from our trauma, or this excessive focus might give us a sense of power and control to counterbalance the feelings of powerlessness or helplessness that inevitably develop from trauma. For years, we have been working with survivors of trauma using EMDR and Polyvagal theory. On this page, you will find a great deal of information about Polyvagal theory and EMDR. Learn more about burnout and trauma by talking to me, an experienced psychotherapist in New Jersey. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey We often feel powerless to our thoughts and feelings, but more is within our control than we believe. According to Polyvagal theory, your ventral vagal nerve connects with your sinoatrial node (the heart’s pacemaker), and so it has been given the nickname the "vagal brake".
Without the vagal nerve, the heart would beat faster and faster. The ventral vagus nerve slows down or speeds up the heart depending on the circumstances, and so the more familiar you are with how you can use this nerve, the more flexible you can become in response to life’s events. Studies show that if we can slow our heart rate down, for example with some simply breathing exercises (such as box breathing), we can slow down our mind and reduce the intensity of stressful events. This has an impact on our physical health because less stress means less of the harmful stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine. Increased levels of epinephrine damage blood vessels and arteries and raise blood pressure, and excessive cortisol levels result in increased fat tissue. One easy next step you can take is to make a list of all the moments where you notice that you feel safe and calm (in other words, when you are in your ventral vagal state). This could be a calming walk in nature, a comforting rest in front of a good book, or cuddling your pets or children. Bring back an image that represents the best part of that safe and calming moment, and breathe it in, trying to reduce the speed of your heart rate. If you manage to do this, you will have taken your first step towards exercising control over your "vagal brake". Learn more about this by talking to me, an experienced psychotherapist in New Jersey, or having a read of Beyond Your Confines and the accompanying workbook. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey “I never realized you were depressed; you always had a smile on your face,” or “I didn’t know they were suicidal because they always turned up for work and got the job done.” Depression is hard to spot, so that’s why a psychotherapist will work hard to get to know each individual client, so they know what depression looks like for them.
The beast of depression is a multifaceted creature. For some, it shows itself as anger and frustration whereas for others it is tears or disconnection. That can make it tricky for you to recognize it in yourself and your loved ones. I always explain to clients that you know yourself and you know your loved ones. So, in your eyes, are there significant changes? Is someone who is usually peaceful and reserved acting in an explosive and hostile way? Is someone who is usually sporty and outgoing giving up on friends and activities? I also like to point to excess as a key identifier for depression: Is someone working excessively, eating excessively, or are they excessively explosive? From a Polyvagal perspective, this is when someone is in the sympathetic fight-or-flight state. The nervous system detects cues of danger, and we respond by fighting or fleeing in an attempt to establish safety. Excess can show itself in other ways. Is someone excessively scrolling through social media, staring into space, or becoming forgetful? From a Polyvagal perspective, this is when someone is in the dorsal vagal (shutdown) state. The nervous system detects cues of danger, and we respond by shutting down or numbing out because it feels like there is no hope of escape. Faced with depression, our first goal is to recognize when we are in these states where we sense danger (sympathetic fight-or-flight state, or dorsal vagal shutdown state). Compassionate is a crucial approach to depression, so we need to be curious about what state we are in, and why this might be happening. The second goal with depression is to identify when we are in a ventral vagal state; in other words, when we feel safe and calm. These might be few and far between, but if we can identify one or two, we can build on those and try and replicate them as much as possible. For example, we might feel safe and calm when we think of a beach or see the color purple, or when we are around a particularly supportive friend or family member. The more flexible we become, recognizing that there is a state of safety and calm, not just the fight-or-flight and shutdown states, the easier we will ride the ups and downs of life. As Dr Gabor Mate once wrote, “it’s not about feeling better. It’s about getting better at feeling.” Book online today for a free telephone call with Chris Warren-Dickins, psychotherapist in New Jersey. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist & Author Counseling & Psychotherapy in Ridgewood, New Jersey We all experience stress but how much is too much? Would you recognize when you are experiencing burnout, and when you are experiencing stress?
Stress is usually temporary, and it involves frenetic energy when you constantly feel on edge. You feel frantic, overly burdened, and your racing thoughts might make it difficult to sleep or concentrate at work. For the most part, with regular periods of rest, you are quickly able to recover from stress. Burnout is more of a long-term threat to your mental health. It is a persistent state of exhaustion, leaving you feeling depleted, sometimes even numb, and full of cynicism. In some cases, you can completely detach from the environment that is contributing to your burnout. Today we are facing rapid changes in technology (for example, AI and social media) and a rapidly changing geo-political landscape at home and abroad. It is inevitable that we will feel stressed, but we do not have to experience burnout. Get in touch if you would like to share how stress and burnout is impacting your life. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey |
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