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Emotional pain can get us into trouble:
2. Change your emotions. If your emotional pain does not fit the facts (for example, you are making assumptions about things you do not really know about, or your emotions are out of proportion), then the situation does not need to change. Instead, you need to work on changing your emotions. Your therapist can help you with this, and one approach is to focus on activating your ‘rest and digest’ system (your in-built relaxation device). There are simple exercises, such as deep breathing and visualizations, that you can do to force your body into a more relaxed state – isn’t the human body an amazing work of art! 3. Accept the status quo. If you cannot change the situation, and you cannot change your emotions, you may feel a little better by focusing on acceptance of the status quo. This is not just accepting it in your mind. Instead, you use every part of your body and mind to radically accept that things currently cannot be any different. For example, if you have to work alongside someone who really annoys the hell out of you, you can radically accept this person with every inch of your body; you force a smile, and force positive thoughts and emotions about this person, even if it feels completely unnatural. The idea is that this gives you a sense of freedom, if nothing else. This reminds me of Viktor Frankl’s words: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 4. Stay in emotional pain. According to Marsha M Linehan, the final option is, of course, to do nothing and stay in your emotional pain. That is your choice. If you have been suffering and you need help with this, get in contact today. A confidential initial telephone call is free, and you can book this online. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC www.exploretransform.com The Male Label is associated with an increased risk of harm. This includes higher rates of -
The reasons for this are complex, but one clear issue is the way we as a society condition people who have been given the Male Label (referred to here as 'the Male Labelled'). We expect the Male Labelled to remain -
Some healthcare professionals pathologize the Male Labebelled, perpetuating the myth that-
When Gender Bias is communicated in the form of the above-mentioned myths, the Male Labelled can end up failing to engage with the help they need (for example, if they view healthcare professionals such as therapists as only available for the Female Labelled). Even worse, the Male Labelled might engage with healthcare professionals but still end up without adequate help because of the Gender Bias perpetuated by our society. One stark example of Gender Bias was demonstrated by research carried out by Sandra and John Condry. They showed one set of participants a recording of a baby in distress, and they labelled the baby 'Male'. This group of participants interpreted the baby's distress as anger and frustration. The Condrys then showed the same recording of the same baby to a different group, labelling the baby 'Female'. This group interpreted the baby's distress as sadness and fear. Consider how differently society responds to perceived anger compared with perceived sadness and fear. The likelihood of getting adequate help reduces considerably when the Male Label intersects with other aspects of a person's identity. For example, if we consider a person's sexuality, true gender identity or ethnicity, we see that the lack of adequate help is further complicated by incidents of
To label someone is a societal convenience, it does not always reflect reality. We need to look beyond a person's labels and see their whole. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist Book a free initial assessment online today www.exploretransform.com References *Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men, American Psychological Association, 2018 **DHHS, 1993 ***SAMHSA ****United States Department of Justice, 2011 Have you ever found yourself doing things that are harmful, and yet you keep doing them? No matter how hard you struggle, there are parts of you that keep acting in a certain way; for example, your anger gets the better of you, or you get drunk yet again, or you cheat on your partner, or you spend weeks working late when you don't really need to. You know the logic: This behaviour is going to cause you problems. Ordinarily, you would not choose to do this. And yet a part of you continues to act in this way. The part of you that continues this behaviour is like an errant family member. You wish they would stop disrupting family gatherings, but they continue to do so. And yet, you have to continue to live together as one big family. One solution is to try and understand why this family member acts in such a way. The same can be said of the part of you that keeps exploding in anger, getting drunk, or doing other things that you don't want to do. If we dig a little deeper, we will probably find a reason for this behaviour. If we adopt this more understanding approach, we might be able to win over this errant part of us, as we might try to win over the errant family member. For example, we might come to understand that this part of us overeats because it soothes us when we are anxious. Or we might come to understand that the part of us that gets drunk is trying to numb the pain that we fear might overwhelm us. When we adopt a more compassionate approach, we see that these parts might have actually been trying to protect us. And when we approach these parts in a compassionate manner, they might see that it is now not effective to continue behaving in this way. In fact, we might be causing more harm to continue in this way. This is an approach to psychotherapy called Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS), and an IFS therapist will help you to communicate with these protective parts. The therapist will help you to get the parts to relax so that they can work out a more helpful way to respond to problems. The most effective way to do this is to access what is called the Self; a compassionate, calmer and confident version of you. The Self comprises eight elements -
When you let the Self lead the way, you develop a calm, compassionate way of viewing your life. In time, you find that you can heal yourself, and ultimately make smarter choices. If you would like to find out more about how psychotherapy can help with your life choices, get in touch. Book your free initial telephone call online today. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist www.exploretransform.com  Feeling stressed? Try Progressive Relaxation. Developed by Edmund Jacobson (as long ago as 1908!), this simple exercise helps you to relieve stress which can be held in the body as well as the mind. Book online, email, or telephone us to find out more about Progressive Relaxation, the symptoms of stress, and strategies for stress management. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC www.exploretransform.com Without awareness, food can offer the illusion of escape as much as it can become a trap. Sometimes when we are stressed, we turn to food to manage our emotions. This might be the result of habits that were formed very early in our childhood. But habits can be broken, no matter how long we have lived with them. I have recorded a Mindfulness exercise to help you to develop awareness around your eating habits. With greater awareness, you can make informed choices about what and how you eat. You may even end up enjoying the food a little more! Book online today, telephone, or send us an email. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth Sometimes work can really suck, and yet we have no choice but to continue. We may not be able to change the environment around us, but we can change how we view our work stress. I have recorded an audio version of a mindfulness exercise that will help you with work stress. I hope you find it useful. If you would like to find out more about anxiety, you can view free resources here. Book online today, telephone, or send us an email. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth To manage anxiety, you need to believe in your inner resources. To believe in your inner resources, you need to become aware of, and accept, your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. To help with this, there is a mindfulness exercise called the Body Scan. During this exercise, as you scan your body, you become aware of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. A key component of mindfulness is acceptance:
You do not have to do anything about the thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations, just notice them and accept them without judgment. The idea is that the more we judge, or try to reject unwanted thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations, the more power we give them. Sometimes if we just notice them, the thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations can peak and then subside. I have recorded an audio version of the Body Scan, so have a listen and see what comes up. With a little practice, you will become aware of, and accept, your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. And in time, this will give you the resilience to manage your anxiety. To find out more about anxiety, check out my additional free resources here. Book online today, telephone, or send us an email. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth Relationships can endure pressure, and sometimes the pressure builds so much that they are fractured. If this has happened to your personal or work relationship, here are a few steps to take - 1. Decide if you need or want to repair this relationship. If you weigh up the pros and cons of having this person in your life, you may realise that it is not worth continuing with the relationship. 2. Assuming you want to keep this person in your life, or you have no choice, you need to figure out how to repair that relationship. This can be hard if someone has hurt you, or you believe that they have wronged you. You need to develop compassion for this person, and one way is to try and empathise with how they may have viewed the situation. Try and understand why they may have behaved in such a way. You don't have to agree with someone to empathise with, and understand where they are coming from. 3. Even if you can understand where someone is coming from, it can be hard to truly repair the relationship. The final, and most essential, step is to develop compassion for that person. To develop this compassion, there is a mindfulness exercise called the Loving Kindness Meditation. This encourages you to hold the image of the person in your heart, as if a parent were holding their child. This often takes time to master, but it is worth it. I have recorded an audio version of the Loving Kindness Meditation, so you can use it whenever you need to. I hope you find this useful. If you would like to find out more about anxiety, you can view free resources here. Book online today, telephone, or send us an email. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth Mindfulness is a powerful tool to beat stress and anxiety. The three minute breathing space is just one mindfulness exercise, and I have recorded an audio version so you can listen to it any time you like. I hope you find it useful. If you would like to find out more about anxiety, you can view free resources here. Book online today, telephone, or send us an email. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth If you are overwhelmed by stress or anxiety, here is a quick exercise to help. The Four Elements was devised by Elan Shapiro, and I have recorded an audio version of it. I hope you find it useful. If you would like to find out more about anxiety, you can view free resources here. Book online today, telephone, or send us an email. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Psychotherapist, (Licensed Professional Counselor), Northern New Jersey www.exploretransform.com 201-779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com #findatherapist #northernnewjersey #beyondtheblue #mentalhealth |
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