Burnout is more than just feeling tired. It is a chronic condition marked by physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or repeated stress, often related to work, caregiving, or other intense responsibilities. Unlike short-term stress, which can be invigorating or motivating in small doses, burnout seeps into every area of life, dulling enthusiasm, eroding self-confidence, and impacting health. At Explore Transform, we help clients identify the sources and symptoms of burnout, and we work collaboratively to develop realistic strategies for recovery.

The World Health Organization officially recognized burnout as an occupational phenomenon in 2019, defining it as a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. This includes feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance from one’s job, and reduced professional efficacy. However, burnout is not limited to work. It can arise from parenting, caring for a sick loved one, navigating academic pressure, or even being in a relationship where emotional needs are constantly unmet.

Signs of burnout can be subtle at first. You might find it harder to get out of bed in the morning. Tasks that once brought satisfaction now feel like a burden. You might start to feel emotionally numb or detached from those around you. Physically, burnout can manifest as headaches, gastrointestinal problems, or susceptibility to illness due to a weakened immune system. Emotionally, people experiencing burnout often feel helpless, trapped, or hopeless.

There are three main dimensions of burnout:
1.     Exhaustion: This includes both physical and emotional fatigue. You may feel drained and unable to cope.
2.  Cynicism or detachment: You may start to feel disillusioned about your work or responsibilities, becoming increasingly negative or withdrawn.
3.   Inefficacy: A sense of reduced personal accomplishment. You might feel incompetent or that your efforts are not making a difference.

So how do we address burnout?

The first step is awareness. At Explore Transform, we work with clients to recognize the patterns and pressures that may be contributing to burnout. For some, it's a toxic workplace environment. For others, it's an internal drive toward perfectionism that makes it difficult to rest.

Once we understand the root causes, we develop a personalized plan. This may include:
·       Setting boundaries: Learning to say no without guilt and establishing limits to protect your time and energy.
·       Restorative practices: Prioritizing sleep, physical activity, and nutrition to rebuild your physical reserves.
·       Emotional regulation: Using techniques such as mindfulness, breathing exercises, or journaling to manage stress and emotions.
·       Cognitive reframing: Challenging unhelpful beliefs such as "I must be productive at all times" or "Asking for help is a sign of weakness."
·       Reconnecting with values: Identifying what truly matters to you and aligning your daily actions with those values.

It is also important to foster a support system. Burnout thrives in isolation. Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to process difficult emotions and re-evaluate expectations. In some cases, we may explore work-related changes or discuss the possibility of a medical evaluation, especially if burnout has led to anxiety or depression.

Ultimately, recovering from burnout is not about doing more. It’s about doing less of what drains you and more of what sustains you. It’s about letting go of relentless self-criticism and embracing compassion for yourself. It’s about finding your way back to purpose, joy, and connection.

At Explore Transform, we understand that burnout is not a personal failure. It is a human response to overwhelming demands. Whether you’re in Ridgewood, New Jersey, another Counseling Compact state, or anywhere in the UK, we offer online therapy sessions to support your journey back to well-being. You don’t have to navigate this alone. The first step is reaching out.

We invite you to schedule a free consultation today and explore what transformation can look like for you.

Trauma responses are instinctive survival mechanisms. When we experience overwhelming stress, danger, or emotional pain—especially if we feel helpless in the moment—our bodies and minds adapt quickly to protect us. These adaptations are often unconscious and automatic, and while they may be lifesaving in the moment, they can later interfere with how we connect, communicate, and live.

In therapy, a crucial step toward healing is helping individuals understand that their trauma responses are not signs of weakness or dysfunction. They are evidence of strength. They are your mind and body doing their best to keep you alive, even if those responses are no longer serving you now.

The four most commonly recognized trauma responses are: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

The fight response is when the body gears up to confront a threat. A person in this mode might become aggressive, argumentative, or hyper-defensive. They might lash out, raise their voice, or feel intense irritation. Beneath that anger is often fear—a fear of being hurt, abandoned, or humiliated.

The flight response focuses on escape. This might look like avoiding conflict, physically leaving stressful situations, or staying perpetually busy to outrun difficult feelings. People stuck in a chronic flight response may suffer from anxiety, restlessness, perfectionism, and a compulsion to "do more" even when exhausted.

The freeze response occurs when neither fighting nor fleeing feels possible. The nervous system essentially shuts down. A person might feel numb, spaced out, detached, or paralyzed. They might have trouble speaking, thinking clearly, or taking action. This response can be deeply frustrating, especially when others perceive it as apathy or avoidance.

The fawn response involves trying to please others to stay safe. Individuals in this mode often over-apologize, suppress their needs, and focus on keeping the peace at any cost. They may become overly agreeable, lose a sense of personal boundaries, and derive self-worth solely from being helpful to others. Often, this stems from a childhood environment where love was conditional or conflict led to punishment.

Understanding these responses is foundational in trauma-informed therapy. Many people are harsh with themselves for behaviors that were once protective. Therapy helps you reframe these responses as signs of how hard you've worked to survive, not signs of failure.

In therapy, we begin by identifying which responses show up in your life. We look at when and where they first emerged. For example, if someone freezes during conflict, we might explore how conflict was handled in their family growing up. Was it explosive and terrifying? Were they punished for expressing emotion? Did they learn that staying quiet was the only safe option?

This exploration is not about blame but about clarity. When we understand the origins of our patterns, we can begin to hold them with more compassion and less shame. We also begin to notice triggers—situations, people, or thoughts that activate old responses.

Next, we work on regulation. Trauma responses are stored in the body, not just the mind. That’s why traditional talk therapy may not be enough on its own. We bring in somatic tools: breathwork, grounding exercises, body scans, and movement practices that help calm the nervous system.

For someone stuck in fight mode, this might involve learning ways to discharge anger safely—like hitting a pillow, running, or using expressive writing. For flight, it might mean slowing down, practicing stillness, and sitting with discomfort in manageable doses. For freeze, the goal is to slowly re-engage the body—through sensory stimulation, warm water, light movement, or even humming. For fawn, we might focus on boundary-setting, noticing when you say yes out of fear rather than desire, and practicing using your voice in low-risk situations.

We also incorporate cognitive work. Trauma can distort how we see ourselves and the world. A person in freeze might believe "I’m broken." A person in fawn might think "If I say no, I’ll be rejected." In therapy, we gently challenge these beliefs and replace them with more accurate, compassionate truths. We may use techniques like thought tracking, reframing, or guided visualization to do this.

Some clients benefit from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a modality that helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories. Others respond well to Internal Family Systems (IFS), which explores the different parts of ourselves that hold pain, protection, and hope.

No two trauma journeys look the same. Some people have single-incident trauma (like an accident or assault), while others have complex trauma, often from long-term exposure to neglect, abuse, or emotional instability. In both cases, therapy offers a map to understanding and healing.

It's important to mention that healing doesn’t mean erasing the past or never getting triggered again. Healing means that your trauma no longer dictates your present. It means you can recognize a trigger without spiraling. You can respond rather than react. You can soothe your body without suppressing your truth.

One of the most profound shifts that happens in trauma therapy is the reclamation of agency. Clients often begin therapy feeling at the mercy of their symptoms. Over time, they begin to see themselves as capable, resourceful, and resilient. They recognize that trauma shaped them but doesn’t define them.

At Explore Transform, we walk alongside clients with care, curiosity, and patience. We believe that you are the expert on your story—and our role is to help you make sense of the pieces, reconnect with your body, and reclaim the parts of you that got buried beneath survival.

If you recognize yourself in the trauma responses described here, you're not alone—and you’re not beyond help. Understanding your trauma responses is the first powerful step toward change. The next step might be reaching out for support. And we’re here when you’re ready.

Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy
Ridgewood, New Jersey

Self-care is one of the most misunderstood yet essential components of emotional and psychological well-being. Too often, it's dismissed as indulgent or superficial—reduced to bubble baths, scented candles, or spa days. While there’s nothing wrong with those, self-care is much more profound. It’s about tuning into what your body, mind, and emotions need—and responding with consistent, nurturing attention.

At its core, self-care is an act of self-respect. It's how we signal to ourselves that our needs matter and that we are worthy of care even when the world feels chaotic. For those who’ve grown up with neglect, trauma, or perfectionistic expectations, self-care can feel foreign, even selfish. But in therapy, we work to unlearn those internalized messages and replace them with something healthier.

Self-care has several layers. The first is physical self-care—getting enough sleep, eating nourishing food, moving your body in ways that feel good. These are the baseline behaviors that sustain us. But they’re often the first to go when we’re overwhelmed. Therapy can help identify why these basics feel so hard and help build structures that make them more manageable.

Next is emotional self-care. This involves honoring your feelings rather than avoiding or suppressing them. In therapy, clients often explore how they were taught to relate to emotions. Were tears met with “Don’t be so sensitive”? Was anger punished or ignored? Learning to validate and sit with your emotions is a core form of emotional hygiene.

Then we have relational self-care. Are your relationships reciprocal? Do you feel safe expressing yourself? Setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, and learning to ask for what you need are all crucial skills. In therapy, clients often role-play difficult conversations or process past experiences that have made setting boundaries difficult.

Cognitive self-care involves the stories you tell yourself. Are you harsh and critical? Do you ruminate over mistakes? Or do you offer yourself encouragement and grace? Therapy helps shift internal dialogue from self-punishment to self-compassion. This might involve thought tracking, journaling, or using affirmations that align with deeper truths.

There’s also spiritual self-care, which isn’t necessarily about religion. It can mean connecting with a sense of meaning, purpose, or something greater than yourself. It might be found in nature, creative expression, service to others, or quiet reflection. This kind of care anchors us when life feels uncertain.

One of the most common barriers to self-care is guilt. Many people, especially caregivers, parents, or high-achievers, feel like caring for themselves takes time away from their responsibilities. Therapy helps reframe self-care as the foundation that makes all other responsibilities sustainable.

We also explore resistance. Sometimes the very idea of caring for ourselves stirs up pain. If you were neglected or criticized as a child, it may feel wrong to treat yourself kindly. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. In therapy, we make room for that grief—and build new, life-affirming patterns.

At Explore Transform, we help clients build a self-care plan that fits their unique life and needs. We understand that one-size-fits-all advice rarely works. We ask questions like: What does your body need more of? What feels nurturing? What’s one habit that always makes you feel better? Then we co-create a plan that feels realistic, meaningful, and flexible.

Self-care is not about perfection. You don’t have to get it right every day. What matters is intention, attention, and self-compassion. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. And over time, those acts of care accumulate into something powerful: a more grounded, more connected, and more resilient version of you.
 
If you’re ready to create your own self-care plan, or explore obstacles in the way of exercising more self-care, book online for a free call from our lead clinician, Chris Warren-Dickins.
 
Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy
Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.exploretransform.com
​

Powerlessness is a feeling that can creep into our lives slowly or strike suddenly after a traumatic event, chronic stress, or significant loss. It may manifest in our relationships, professional lives, or inner emotional world. When left unexamined, it can lead to depression, anxiety, chronic stress, and a diminished sense of self-worth. But there is a path forward. Understanding what powerlessness is and how it functions in our psychological landscape is the first step toward reclaiming agency.

Powerlessness often emerges when we feel that no matter what we do, nothing will change. It can stem from childhood experiences where we had little control, from abusive relationships where our autonomy was undermined, or from environments—such as workplaces—that discourage individuality and assertiveness. For some, powerlessness is tied to systemic issues like racism, sexism, ableism, or economic marginalization. For others, it may arise from repeated failure, rejection, or perceived helplessness during trauma.

From a therapeutic perspective, powerlessness can serve as both a symptom and a defense. When we feel we have no control, we may stop trying. This form of learned helplessness can feel protective because hope becomes too painful. Hope, after all, opens us up to disappointment. Giving up can feel like a safer alternative than risking another emotional blow.

But avoiding engagement with life also comes at a great cost. We begin to lose contact with our intrinsic motivation, our goals, our personal power. We isolate, withdraw, and internalize a message that our voice doesn’t matter. Therapy helps individuals challenge that internal narrative.

One of the foundational elements of therapy is creating a safe space to explore vulnerability. For someone feeling powerless, it may take time to express their thoughts openly without fear of judgment or invalidation. The therapeutic relationship becomes a space where a person’s experience is taken seriously. They are listened to, believed, and encouraged to connect the dots between past disempowering experiences and current emotional patterns.

Working with powerlessness often includes inner child work, trauma processing, or cognitive restructuring. We may examine the beliefs a person holds about themselves—such as “I’m incapable,” “I always fail,” or “No one listens to me.” These beliefs often aren’t conscious but are deeply embedded and reinforced over time.

Therapy helps reframe these beliefs through compassionate challenge. We look for where the beliefs originated and why they made sense at the time. Perhaps a client grew up in an environment where voicing an opinion led to punishment or shame. In that context, silence became a form of self-protection. The therapist helps the client recognize that the strategy was adaptive at the time, but it no longer serves them now.

We also work to identify areas in the client’s current life where even small changes can be made. This may include learning assertiveness skills, setting boundaries, or engaging in goal-setting exercises that build self-trust. Empowerment comes not just from massive changes but from consistent, small acts of agency.

Somatic work can also be useful. Powerlessness is not just a mental state—it is a felt experience in the body. Clients may describe feeling heavy, stuck, frozen, or like they’re moving through water. Learning to listen to these sensations and work with them—through grounding exercises, movement, or body scanning—can bring a sense of reconnection to the self.

For some individuals, especially those who have experienced trauma, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy) can be transformative. EMDR helps people process memories that have kept them locked in a powerless loop and allows for reprocessing that leads to a greater sense of agency and present-day safety.

It’s important to emphasize that empowerment is not about pretending everything is okay or adopting a superficial sense of confidence. It’s about knowing that while we can’t control everything, we always have choices. Therapy helps you see where those choices are and how to act on them in alignment with your values.

In our practice, we emphasize collaboration. Rather than seeing the therapist as an expert with all the answers, we see the client as the expert on their experience. Our role is to help clear the noise, challenge distortions, and offer tools that reconnect individuals with their own inner strength.

If you’re struggling with feelings of powerlessness, know that this is not a life sentence. It is a state of mind and body that can shift with the right support. Therapy provides a safe, structured, and empowering space for that shift to occur.

Want to explore this in more detail? Book online today.

Loneliness is a deeply human experience, one that nearly everyone encounters at some point in life. Yet despite its commonality, loneliness can feel uniquely isolating. It often emerges not just from physical solitude, but from a sense of emotional disconnection—even when surrounded by others. At Explore Transform, we support clients who struggle with loneliness by helping them uncover the roots of this experience and build meaningful, sustaining connections.

Modern life contributes to loneliness in a variety of ways. Technology allows us to stay connected, but often in superficial ways. The demands of work and family life can leave little time for nurturing friendships. Geographic mobility means people are frequently relocating, leaving behind established support systems. Additionally, societal messages often equate independence with strength, making it difficult for individuals to admit they feel lonely or to seek help.

Loneliness is not just a psychological experience; it has significant physical and emotional health implications. Studies have shown that chronic loneliness can increase the risk of cardiovascular issues, weakened immune function, depression, anxiety, and even premature death. It affects sleep quality, concentration, and decision-making. In many ways, the brain and body interpret social disconnection as a threat, triggering a stress response meant to drive us back toward connection. However, when connection feels unreachable, the stress compounds.

Loneliness can arise from various sources. Some people experience it after a major life change—such as divorce, job loss, or the death of a loved one. Others feel lonely in relationships that lack emotional intimacy. Introverts may experience loneliness differently from extroverts, sometimes needing connection but feeling overwhelmed by traditional social settings. People with chronic health issues, neurodiversity, or past trauma may also face additional barriers to social engagement.

At Explore Transform, we begin by helping clients name their loneliness without judgment. Many individuals carry shame around the feeling, believing it reflects personal failure or inadequacy. In truth, loneliness is a signal that a human need is unmet. Acknowledging this opens the door to compassionate inquiry and action.

Therapy sessions explore how clients relate to themselves and others. We look at attachment patterns, communication styles, and internal narratives. For example, someone who was emotionally neglected in childhood may believe they are unworthy of closeness, unconsciously sabotaging efforts to connect. Another person might fear vulnerability, equating it with danger due to past betrayal. Understanding these patterns allows us to challenge them and build healthier alternatives.

We also help clients identify the types of connection that nourish them. Some people crave deep one-on-one conversations, while others feel most alive in group settings. Connection doesn’t have to come from large networks; a few authentic relationships can make a profound difference. Part of the therapeutic process involves experimenting with ways to initiate and maintain these bonds—from joining interest-based groups, to practicing active listening, to learning how to express needs assertively.

In cases where loneliness is tied to social anxiety or trauma, we incorporate grounding techniques and cognitive restructuring to help clients feel safe and confident in social spaces. Mindfulness practices can also be beneficial, allowing individuals to be present and self-aware without becoming overwhelmed by emotion or self-criticism.

Importantly, we remind clients that reconnection takes time. Like healing a muscle after injury, emotional re-engagement is a gradual process. Setbacks are normal, and consistency matters more than perfection. Progress may look like initiating a conversation, attending a community event, or simply resisting the urge to isolate. Each step builds emotional resilience.

For some, loneliness may be compounded by a lack of purpose or identity. They may wonder, “Who am I, really?” or “What do I bring to relationships?” In these cases, therapy includes exploration of core values, interests, and strengths. When individuals feel grounded in themselves, they are better equipped to form connections that reflect and reinforce their authentic selves.

The therapeutic relationship itself can serve as a model for healthy connection. It is a space where clients are seen, heard, and accepted. Through consistent presence and attuned listening, therapy can provide an anchor of support, reducing the intensity of loneliness and providing a base from which to explore other relationships.

Loneliness is not a life sentence. With awareness, support, and intention, people can move from isolation to connection, from despair to hope. At Explore Transform, we walk with our clients through this journey, helping them rediscover the power of human connection and the strength that resides within themselves.

We offer online therapy to clients across New Jersey, Counseling Compact states, and the UK. If you’re struggling with loneliness, we invite you to reach out. Connection begins with a single step—and we are here to take it with you.

Book online today.

Trauma can shape the way we think, feel, and respond to the world around us. It can leave a lasting imprint that interferes with daily life, relationships, and our sense of safety. For those struggling with the aftermath of trauma, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy offers a powerful path to healing. At Explore Transform, we use EMDR-informed practices to help clients access their inner resilience and move forward with greater peace and clarity.

EMDR therapy is based on the understanding that traumatic memories can become "stuck" in the brain's processing system. When this happens, the memories are not fully integrated, and they may continue to trigger intense emotional and physiological responses long after the original event has passed. This can lead to symptoms of anxiety, depression, flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and emotional numbing.

Developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s, EMDR involves the use of bilateral stimulation—typically through guided eye movements, tapping, or auditory cues—to help the brain reprocess these distressing memories. The goal is not to erase the memory, but to reduce its emotional charge and help the individual develop more adaptive beliefs about themselves and the world.

During an EMDR session, the therapist and client work together to identify a target memory. The client then focuses on that memory while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation. This process helps the brain shift from a state of emotional reactivity to one of reflective processing. Over time, the memory becomes less distressing and more integrated into the individual’s broader life narrative.

At Explore Transform, we adapt EMDR to meet the needs of each client. For some, it may be appropriate to dive into memory processing within the first few sessions. For others, especially those with complex trauma, we focus first on stabilization, safety, and building coping resources. EMDR is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It is a flexible, client-centered model that respects each individual’s pace and readiness.

The benefits of EMDR therapy are well-documented. Research shows that it can lead to significant reductions in PTSD symptoms, often in fewer sessions than traditional talk therapy. Clients frequently report not only a decrease in distress but also a sense of emotional liberation and empowerment. They no longer feel held hostage by their past.

It is important to understand that EMDR is not hypnosis. Clients remain fully aware and in control throughout the process. The therapist serves as a guide, helping the client stay grounded while exploring painful or overwhelming memories. Trust and rapport are essential, and we work to create a therapeutic space that feels safe, collaborative, and respectful.

In addition to trauma, EMDR can also be effective in treating a range of other issues, including phobias, grief, low self-esteem, and performance anxiety. It is a versatile tool that taps into the brain’s natural capacity for healing.

Clients often ask what they can expect after an EMDR session. Reactions vary, but it is common to experience emotional shifts, vivid dreams, or new insights in the days following a session. We encourage clients to practice self-care and to stay connected with their therapist between sessions as needed. The process can be intense, but it is also deeply transformative.

For those who have tried other forms of therapy without significant relief, EMDR offers hope. It goes beyond talking about problems to directly addressing the root of the pain. It is a process of freeing yourself from the grip of the past and reclaiming your future.

Whether you are dealing with a specific traumatic event or the cumulative effects of long-term stress, EMDR-informed therapy at Explore Transform can help. We provide online sessions for clients in New Jersey, other Counseling Compact states, and the UK. You don’t have to carry the weight of trauma alone. Healing is possible, and we are here to walk alongside you every step of the way.

To learn more or to schedule a free initial consultation, visit our website or reach out directly. Let’s explore what transformation can mean for you.
 
Explore Transform Counseling & Psychotherapy
Ridgewood, New Jersey

Burnout is more than just feeling tired. It is a chronic condition marked by physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or repeated stress, often related to work, caregiving, or other intense responsibilities. Unlike short-term stress, which can be invigorating or motivating in small doses, burnout seeps into every area of life, dulling enthusiasm, eroding self-confidence, and impacting health. At Explore Transform, we help clients identify the sources and symptoms of burnout, and we work collaboratively to develop realistic strategies for recovery.

The World Health Organization officially recognized burnout as an occupational phenomenon in 2019, defining it as a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. This includes feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance from one’s job, and reduced professional efficacy. However, burnout is not limited to work. It can arise from parenting, caring for a sick loved one, navigating academic pressure, or even being in a relationship where emotional needs are constantly unmet.

Signs of burnout can be subtle at first. You might find it harder to get out of bed in the morning. Tasks that once brought satisfaction now feel like a burden. You might start to feel emotionally numb or detached from those around you. Physically, burnout can manifest as headaches, gastrointestinal problems, or susceptibility to illness due to a weakened immune system. Emotionally, people experiencing burnout often feel helpless, trapped, or hopeless.

There are three main dimensions of burnout:
1.     Exhaustion: This includes both physical and emotional fatigue. You may feel drained and unable to cope.
2.     Cynicism or detachment: You may start to feel disillusioned about your work or responsibilities, becoming increasingly negative or withdrawn.
3.     Inefficacy: A sense of reduced personal accomplishment. You might feel incompetent or that your efforts are not making a difference.

So how do we address burnout?

The first step is awareness. At Explore Transform, we work with clients to recognize the patterns and pressures that may be contributing to burnout. For some, it's a toxic workplace environment. For others, it's an internal drive toward perfectionism that makes it difficult to rest.

Once we understand the root causes, we develop a personalized plan. This may include:
·       Setting boundaries: Learning to say no without guilt and establishing limits to protect your time and energy.
·       Restorative practices: Prioritizing sleep, physical activity, and nutrition to rebuild your physical reserves.
·       Emotional regulation: Using techniques such as mindfulness, breathing exercises, or journaling to manage stress and emotions.
·       Cognitive reframing: Challenging unhelpful beliefs such as "I must be productive at all times" or "Asking for help is a sign of weakness."
·       Reconnecting with values: Identifying what truly matters to you and aligning your daily actions with those values.
It is also important to foster a support system. Burnout thrives in isolation. Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to process difficult emotions and re-evaluate expectations. In some cases, we may explore work-related changes or discuss the possibility of a medical evaluation, especially if burnout has led to anxiety or depression.

Ultimately, recovering from burnout is not about doing more. It’s about doing less of what drains you and more of what sustains you. It’s about letting go of relentless self-criticism and embracing compassion for yourself. It’s about finding your way back to purpose, joy, and connection.

At Explore Transform, we understand that burnout is not a personal failure. It is a human response to overwhelming demands. Whether you’re in Ridgewood, New Jersey, another Counseling Compact state, or anywhere in the UK, we offer online therapy sessions to support your journey back to well-being. You don’t have to navigate this alone. The first step is reaching out.

We invite you to schedule a free consultation today and explore what transformation can look like for you.

Explore Transform
Tailor-made Counseling & Psychotherapy

The goals of therapy may be many and varied. One might look like trying to center the (true) Self so you work from that more often than from your triggered parts.

​The Self is a concept that derives from a particular type of therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), and here are the eight components of the Self:
 
1. Calmness 
 
2. Curiosity 
 
3. Clarity 
 
4. Compassion 
 
5. Confidence 
 
6. Courage 
 
7. Creativity  
 
8. Connectedness 

Have you worked with a therapist who mentions 'parts work'? This might help you understand how it can help you.
(Spoiler alert: It is a great, non-shaming way to understand what you mind and body is doing.)

Trauma can be confusing because it shows itself in so many different responses of the body and mind. That confusion can be alleviated when you understand the basics about how your brain works, how trauma shows itself, and what helps (and doesn't help) to heal from trauma.

Brain Basics

When we are living with trauma responses, it is hard to know why our body and mind react in sometimes bewildering ways. It can help to learn a bit about the different parts of the brain and the different functions.
Frontal Lobe:
This is your thinking brain, the part responsible for reasoning and verbal expression. It creates memories for facts and events. 
Limbic System:
This is your mammalian brain. It is nonverbal, emotional, and it creates gut memories. 
Brainstem:
This is your reptilian brain. It is instinctive and it controls basic functions such as your breathing and heart rate.
 
What are the 'symptoms' of trauma?
 
Some of the symptoms of trauma include:

• Irritability
• Angry outbursts
• Depression
• Numbing
• Somatic issues (body pain, headaches, digestive issues)
• Difficulties with relationships
• Difficulties with sexual relations
• Easily distracted
• Hopelessness
• Difficulties parenting
• Difficulties at work
• Suicidal thoughts or feelings
• Self-harm
• Substance abuse
• Overwhelm
• Shame
• Eating disorders
• Flashbacks
• Nightmares
• Anxiety
• Panic attacks

 
Rather than calling these ‘symptoms’, some prefer to refer to them as ‘adaptations’: These feelings are adaptations of the mind and body in an attempt to survive the trauma and its fallout.
If you can identify any of the ‘adaptations’ listed above, ask yourself how it helped you to survive. For example, how did the numbing or irritability help you to survive?
 
These feelings or adaptations don’t feel like a memory of an event long since passed. Instead, your body and mind feel like you are still stuck in the trauma, as if we are still threatened by the dangers.
 
Memory muscle
 
Trauma responses create the following reactions:

• Your frontal lobe (the thinking brain, where words are expressed) shuts down.
• The limbic system (the emotion brain, the nonverbal brain), in particular, the amygdala, sounds the alarm as if there is danger right now.
• The brainstem (reptilian brain, instinctive brain) increases heart rate, speeding you up or shutting you down.

 
Because your frontal lobe shuts down in response to trauma, it can be hard to put the experience into words. However, we know how it feels, and you still feel like it is happening every time we are triggered.
 
Healing from trauma
 
In order to heal from trauma, you don’t have to tell and retell your trauma story. In fact, sometimes telling the trauma story ends up re-traumatizing someone or overwhelming them with feelings of shame, fear, or anger.
 
Often the nature of trauma leaves people without the ability to put that experience into words. Speechless trauma. Images and diagrams can be useful, but so can physical exercises. At the most basic, this can take the form of breathing exercises, but there is also tapping and other movement. There is something symbolic about giving the body a chance to move, or escape, when once it might have been trapped or frozen in an overwhelmed state.

To tell stories about the trauma, to use the frontal lobe (or thinking brain), isn’t really helping the amygdala (the brain’s alarm). To heal trauma, we need to use the ‘noticing brain’. We learn to observe and notice instead of interpreting our experiences. We notice a feeling as a feeling, or we notice the quickened breathing as quickened breathing, or we notice the thought as just a thought. In turn, we can produce a less reactive amygdala.
 
To heal from trauma, we need to calm the amygdala so we can get the frontal lobes to come back ‘online’ and help the prefrontal cortex to rediscover the ability to put words to our feelings. We need to calm our body and mind. We need to become curious about these ‘adaptations’ (or ‘symptoms’ manifested in our mind and body), and we need to help the mind and body realize that we are safe now.
 
Helpful phrases 

As you work through trauma, it can be helpful to use these phrases. Some of my clients type them on an inote on their cell phone, and others stick them up on the wall or bathroom cabinet in their home:

That was then (trauma, in the past), and this is now (safety, in the present).
That feeling, sensation is just a trauma response.
I am just triggered; I am still safe.
It is over now, I am safe now.

Trauma work can be bewildering but it doesn't have to be overwhelming. With these basic principles, you can work steadily with an experienced professional to truly put the trauma in the past, so your body and mind are no longer a place of conflict but a place of calm and safety.

Chris Warren-Dickins
Psychotherapist at Explore Transform
Ridgewood, New Jersey 

One of the many reasons why I love polyvagal theory is because it is visually stunning. I have found it immensely helpful to learn that our 'symptoms' are simply our body and mind trying to keep us safe. There is nothing intrinsically 'wrong' or 'miswired' about us. In fact, the opposite is true; our body and mind is doing what it was designed to do.

Understanding our responses is one big step towards regaining control of your life. Here is a fascinating article issued by the Polyvagal Institute, where they explain more about the responses of our mind and body.

If you would like to process this further, book online today.

Image #1 source: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1382007/full
Image #2 source: ​https://www.linkedin.com/posts/polyvagal-institute_vagusnerve-vagaltone-vagus-activity-7322562494596616192-oyB7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop&rcm=ACoAAASwuBkBwsAc45FnhvpC_v2EnfSTBTdleiY

Depression doesn't have to be scary for kids.

​By Chris Warren-Dickins, psychotherapist in New Jersey